thoughts on turning 30
why is this so scary and sad for me?
i've been thinking about my brother a lot lately. sometimes without crying, but never without tearing up. i never would have thought that at 30 i would have lost my younger brother already. i'm sad that he can't be here to celebrate me turning 30. i'm sad that i'm at a point in my life right now where i would be more able to give him any help he needed. i guess i still feel guilty for not inviting him to come and live with me when i last talked to him. i thought i couldn't support him, but maybe that's just an excuse. because i helped support rob's brother when he lived with us.
this wasn't supposed to turn into me whining about my brother.
the game i'm working on was finally announced, which means i can talk about it, I suppose. http://www.sega.com/gamesite/goldencompass/index.php
The other day I was sitting with my boyfriend and I looked over at him and just got this ache in my heart and my stomach. Like there was a fist around it. And right then I felt like WHAM i want to spend the rest of my life with him. Am I crazy? Was it just a hormonal imbalance brought on by the pill and *ahem* that time of the month? I don't know. But I look at him and I see the future and I feel overwhelmed, in the best of ways.
LOL I've been writing this thing for hours. A sentence here, a sentence there. As a bit of a side thing while I work. It's surprising what you can get done while you're waiting on others to finish their work. I tried doing a little debugging today, but that hasn't gone too well. My black magic seems to only work when creating bugs, not when trying to debug them. Ah well.
I went for a walk along the beach at lunch today with a few of the girls here. It was great. I might have gotten burnt. Eek! I hope not. I am so lucky to live in an area where it has nice enough weather that I want to take walks on the beach in early March.
I feel like I have run the full gamut of emotions today. I started out sad and scared and now I'm closer to elated. Maybe it's all the difference that a nice walk and some sugar make. Maybe not. Sometimes just writing or talking can help me work through things. I'm sure that's true for most people.
Oh well. I better get back to work.
i've been thinking about my brother a lot lately. sometimes without crying, but never without tearing up. i never would have thought that at 30 i would have lost my younger brother already. i'm sad that he can't be here to celebrate me turning 30. i'm sad that i'm at a point in my life right now where i would be more able to give him any help he needed. i guess i still feel guilty for not inviting him to come and live with me when i last talked to him. i thought i couldn't support him, but maybe that's just an excuse. because i helped support rob's brother when he lived with us.
this wasn't supposed to turn into me whining about my brother.
the game i'm working on was finally announced, which means i can talk about it, I suppose. http://www.sega.com/gamesite/goldencompass/index.php
The other day I was sitting with my boyfriend and I looked over at him and just got this ache in my heart and my stomach. Like there was a fist around it. And right then I felt like WHAM i want to spend the rest of my life with him. Am I crazy? Was it just a hormonal imbalance brought on by the pill and *ahem* that time of the month? I don't know. But I look at him and I see the future and I feel overwhelmed, in the best of ways.
LOL I've been writing this thing for hours. A sentence here, a sentence there. As a bit of a side thing while I work. It's surprising what you can get done while you're waiting on others to finish their work. I tried doing a little debugging today, but that hasn't gone too well. My black magic seems to only work when creating bugs, not when trying to debug them. Ah well.
I went for a walk along the beach at lunch today with a few of the girls here. It was great. I might have gotten burnt. Eek! I hope not. I am so lucky to live in an area where it has nice enough weather that I want to take walks on the beach in early March.
I feel like I have run the full gamut of emotions today. I started out sad and scared and now I'm closer to elated. Maybe it's all the difference that a nice walk and some sugar make. Maybe not. Sometimes just writing or talking can help me work through things. I'm sure that's true for most people.
Oh well. I better get back to work.