[fic] [1/1] [STXI] [gen] Tibs
So one day I said to 
waldorph, "Man, I really want to write a puppy fic too", and she did not, as a sane person would, immediately punch me in the face via the internet.
So I wrote a puppy fic.
The first thing out of Len's mouth after he opens the door is, "If Jim jumped off a cliff, would you expect me to jump off one too?"
"Of course not, Leonard," says Chapel soothingly. She thrusts a wiggly black and white mass of fur at him and says, "Here, I have to get his stuff."
"I don't want a puppy," says Len hopelessly, even as he hoists it closer and more securely against his shoulder. "I was going to get a parrot. And teach it to swear."
"Of course, Leonard," says Chapel, pulling out boxes and bags and - is that a tiger print beanbag? The puppy in his arms smells sweetly of baby animal.
Chapel returns with her arms full and Len steps aside to let her into the house. "I'll be a terrible dog parent," he threatens. "I'll be worse than Scott, you watch me."
"No, you won't," says Chapel patiently, and then, "Shall I put this in the mudroom?"
"I should have married you when I had the chance," realizes Len. "Then you'd hate me too much to barge in and give me puppies to raise."
"Why didn't you?" asks Chapel, curious.
"I didn't know if Joanna was old enough to understand me marryin' a Northerner."
"I wouldn't have married you anyway," says Chapel.
"Geoff is a much saner human being than I could ever hope to be," agrees Len, and sullenly, "I was goin' to get a cat."
Chapel just hitches one eyebrow in the air in the way she learned from Spock, God damn him to hell, and says, "He's from a line of working dogs that specialize in therapy, he's paper-trained, has his shots, his Appointment -" she makes a snipping motion with two fingers "- is next month, and he thinks Satan invented leashes, so good luck with that."
"I should name you Jim," says Len, to the puppy. The puppy whimpers and struggles to get down, so Len sets him on the potty-pad Chapel spreads out and says, "Good puppy. Gooooood puppy. Good boy," as the puppy crouches and, with tremendous concentration, takes a shit.
"He was raised around cats and children," continues Chapel, with the ruthlessness that made her the best nurse he'd ever worked with, "and I updated your records so your officemates know you're taking a week off and will bring him in next Monday."
"Bulldozed," says Len sadly to the puppy. "Look at you being so good and peeing on the pad. Good boy." He holds out his hand and Chapel provides him with a tiny cube of something that smells like it's already been through a digestive tract twice. He gives it to the puppy after the puppy finishes pissing.
"I didn't tell Kirk," offers Chapel, as if that is supposed to make Len feel better. Len groans. Jim's going to spend half an hour riffing joyously on how Len mocked his puppy and now Len has a puppy. Also, Jim's husband is going to lift one eyebrow at him and Len will finally have to snap and kill him. Which would be a damn shame because Spock is about the only person in several galaxies that Len trusts to get Jim to him in few enough pieces to put back together again.
On the other hand, clearly Len's puppy is an useful, working dog, unlike Cory, who mostly follows Jim on his ten mile runs and sheds everywhere, or Shawn, who just sleeps on a beanbag in Spock's office and scares cadets. Partly because of his sheer normality and partly because Spock choses bandannas for him with the single minded care and deliberation of a Japanese lady choosing a kimono and obi to compliment the season and feeling of the day. He even had a little Santa hat to wear during December.
(Whiskey ... is a corgi, God bless her, and he feels sorrier for Nyota every time he gets a new picture of Whiskey.)
Len sits down on the floor and allows the puppy - Tibs, he decides, just to be contrary - to smell him. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" he says, looking up at Chapel.
"No, Leonard, I fully expect to leave here and find you letting him strangle to death on his leash five minutes later," says Chapel, exasperated.
---
Jim is just as obnoxious as expected, and Spock's eyebrow speaks volumes. Practically libraries.
Len doesn't actually care.
JUST FEEL GRATEFUL I COULDN'T FIND ANY OF MY DOG'S BABY PICTURES TO INFLICT ON YOU GUYS.
waldorph, "Man, I really want to write a puppy fic too", and she did not, as a sane person would, immediately punch me in the face via the internet.
So I wrote a puppy fic.
The first thing out of Len's mouth after he opens the door is, "If Jim jumped off a cliff, would you expect me to jump off one too?"
"Of course not, Leonard," says Chapel soothingly. She thrusts a wiggly black and white mass of fur at him and says, "Here, I have to get his stuff."
"I don't want a puppy," says Len hopelessly, even as he hoists it closer and more securely against his shoulder. "I was going to get a parrot. And teach it to swear."
"Of course, Leonard," says Chapel, pulling out boxes and bags and - is that a tiger print beanbag? The puppy in his arms smells sweetly of baby animal.
Chapel returns with her arms full and Len steps aside to let her into the house. "I'll be a terrible dog parent," he threatens. "I'll be worse than Scott, you watch me."
"No, you won't," says Chapel patiently, and then, "Shall I put this in the mudroom?"
"I should have married you when I had the chance," realizes Len. "Then you'd hate me too much to barge in and give me puppies to raise."
"Why didn't you?" asks Chapel, curious.
"I didn't know if Joanna was old enough to understand me marryin' a Northerner."
"I wouldn't have married you anyway," says Chapel.
"Geoff is a much saner human being than I could ever hope to be," agrees Len, and sullenly, "I was goin' to get a cat."
Chapel just hitches one eyebrow in the air in the way she learned from Spock, God damn him to hell, and says, "He's from a line of working dogs that specialize in therapy, he's paper-trained, has his shots, his Appointment -" she makes a snipping motion with two fingers "- is next month, and he thinks Satan invented leashes, so good luck with that."
"I should name you Jim," says Len, to the puppy. The puppy whimpers and struggles to get down, so Len sets him on the potty-pad Chapel spreads out and says, "Good puppy. Gooooood puppy. Good boy," as the puppy crouches and, with tremendous concentration, takes a shit.
"He was raised around cats and children," continues Chapel, with the ruthlessness that made her the best nurse he'd ever worked with, "and I updated your records so your officemates know you're taking a week off and will bring him in next Monday."
"Bulldozed," says Len sadly to the puppy. "Look at you being so good and peeing on the pad. Good boy." He holds out his hand and Chapel provides him with a tiny cube of something that smells like it's already been through a digestive tract twice. He gives it to the puppy after the puppy finishes pissing.
"I didn't tell Kirk," offers Chapel, as if that is supposed to make Len feel better. Len groans. Jim's going to spend half an hour riffing joyously on how Len mocked his puppy and now Len has a puppy. Also, Jim's husband is going to lift one eyebrow at him and Len will finally have to snap and kill him. Which would be a damn shame because Spock is about the only person in several galaxies that Len trusts to get Jim to him in few enough pieces to put back together again.
On the other hand, clearly Len's puppy is an useful, working dog, unlike Cory, who mostly follows Jim on his ten mile runs and sheds everywhere, or Shawn, who just sleeps on a beanbag in Spock's office and scares cadets. Partly because of his sheer normality and partly because Spock choses bandannas for him with the single minded care and deliberation of a Japanese lady choosing a kimono and obi to compliment the season and feeling of the day. He even had a little Santa hat to wear during December.
(Whiskey ... is a corgi, God bless her, and he feels sorrier for Nyota every time he gets a new picture of Whiskey.)
Len sits down on the floor and allows the puppy - Tibs, he decides, just to be contrary - to smell him. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" he says, looking up at Chapel.
"No, Leonard, I fully expect to leave here and find you letting him strangle to death on his leash five minutes later," says Chapel, exasperated.
---
Jim is just as obnoxious as expected, and Spock's eyebrow speaks volumes. Practically libraries.
Len doesn't actually care.
JUST FEEL GRATEFUL I COULDN'T FIND ANY OF MY DOG'S BABY PICTURES TO INFLICT ON YOU GUYS.