Mathematics revisted,.
As those of you who have been paying attention may or may not have ascertained, I've developed my own mathematical system (for the benefit of the somewhat misguided soul who endeavored to poke holes in my argumentation I will say that the mathematical system is in fact inconsistent and therefore not, in an academic sense, worth paying attention to).
The original reason for this poor attempt at a humurous mathematics was to prove that I will never again have a girlfriend. Trust me, I can mathematically prove it. The subsequent posts will show that this is the case. But before I begin, I find it necessary for a philosophical self-indulgent illumination as to why I should do this at all. The humor notwithstanding, there is a seriousness to this problem.
Somewhere along the line of my personal development my mind decided that it would think about 99 percent of the time consistently and totally analytically. That is to say that it would reduce situations, thoughts, digressions, and what not into logic and math. Whether that math and logic consisted of numbers or words it was still the same.
The problem is that analysis, no matter how hard I try to apply it, is not sufficient to deal with certain things. The most long-lasting and pervasive of these things is my constant sense of loneliness... of isolation.
In the mid-twentieth century a number of physicists tried to deal with a problem in quantum theory. This problem was that by Einstein's famous equation E=mc^2 (the carrot represents an exponent), an electron that was accelerated would procede to infinite mass (the problem is more complicated than that but that will suffice). The reason is that since velocity is a part of momentum and momentum is a part of kinetic energy, as the velocity of the electron increases so too must its kinetic energy, and as Einstein points out, so too must its mass.
A bit of mathematical finesse is used to overcome this. It is called "renormalization" and the complicated (and in my opinion rather silly) mathematical theorization of this is that whenever the mass of an electron is said to be infinite, we should simply plug into the equation the known mass of the electron.
That's an oversimplification of the whole ordeal, but as it pertains to me in mathematics we have a process by which we can "cut" unsavory characteristics out of an equation.
In life, it's not so simple.
If I were to reduce myself to an equation there would be a goofy inexplicable variable (much like lambda, the cosmological constant, that I spoke of in a previous post) that I cannot cut out of the equation. I cannot renormalize myself. Let us call that variable in the equation of myself "gamma" (from the greek word gynos meaning woman).
For every solution of the equation, I can find the best balance, the one that makes me ideally myself, to any degree of accuracy so long as I eliminate gamma. The problem is that I cannot eliminate gamma. It is always there, always lurking. And whenever I reach my happiest--whenever I have solved the equation to an exactitude of mind-boggling proportions--gamma pops up destroying the balance.
This is why, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be complete unless gamma is solved for. And right now I'm farther away from knowing gamma than I have been for quite a long time. And it's fucking me up. So if I'm a jerk, if I'm out of the ordinary over the top or otherwise unpleasant, blame it on my not knowing that essential part of the equation. And I'm sorry.
Not knowing is the worse state there is, and I am there.
Oh gamma gamma, where are you?
The original reason for this poor attempt at a humurous mathematics was to prove that I will never again have a girlfriend. Trust me, I can mathematically prove it. The subsequent posts will show that this is the case. But before I begin, I find it necessary for a philosophical self-indulgent illumination as to why I should do this at all. The humor notwithstanding, there is a seriousness to this problem.
Somewhere along the line of my personal development my mind decided that it would think about 99 percent of the time consistently and totally analytically. That is to say that it would reduce situations, thoughts, digressions, and what not into logic and math. Whether that math and logic consisted of numbers or words it was still the same.
The problem is that analysis, no matter how hard I try to apply it, is not sufficient to deal with certain things. The most long-lasting and pervasive of these things is my constant sense of loneliness... of isolation.
In the mid-twentieth century a number of physicists tried to deal with a problem in quantum theory. This problem was that by Einstein's famous equation E=mc^2 (the carrot represents an exponent), an electron that was accelerated would procede to infinite mass (the problem is more complicated than that but that will suffice). The reason is that since velocity is a part of momentum and momentum is a part of kinetic energy, as the velocity of the electron increases so too must its kinetic energy, and as Einstein points out, so too must its mass.
A bit of mathematical finesse is used to overcome this. It is called "renormalization" and the complicated (and in my opinion rather silly) mathematical theorization of this is that whenever the mass of an electron is said to be infinite, we should simply plug into the equation the known mass of the electron.
That's an oversimplification of the whole ordeal, but as it pertains to me in mathematics we have a process by which we can "cut" unsavory characteristics out of an equation.
In life, it's not so simple.
If I were to reduce myself to an equation there would be a goofy inexplicable variable (much like lambda, the cosmological constant, that I spoke of in a previous post) that I cannot cut out of the equation. I cannot renormalize myself. Let us call that variable in the equation of myself "gamma" (from the greek word gynos meaning woman).
For every solution of the equation, I can find the best balance, the one that makes me ideally myself, to any degree of accuracy so long as I eliminate gamma. The problem is that I cannot eliminate gamma. It is always there, always lurking. And whenever I reach my happiest--whenever I have solved the equation to an exactitude of mind-boggling proportions--gamma pops up destroying the balance.
This is why, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be complete unless gamma is solved for. And right now I'm farther away from knowing gamma than I have been for quite a long time. And it's fucking me up. So if I'm a jerk, if I'm out of the ordinary over the top or otherwise unpleasant, blame it on my not knowing that essential part of the equation. And I'm sorry.
Not knowing is the worse state there is, and I am there.
Oh gamma gamma, where are you?