Voice

[lazarus_rises]

Ladies. I just want you to know that in spite of everything, you've given me a newfound appreciation for laser tag. Being chased by three women who only have eyes for you isn't a bad way to spend the evening. Let's take it to a mud pit next time

Comments

[michaeloffire]

My car-machine is better than your car-machine, human. Wanna race?

[lazarus_rises]

Car-machine?

Why not? This one doesn't hold a candle to my baby, but she's got a few horses under the hood.

[michaeloffire]

Isn't that what they're called? Auto-machines? Car-machines?

Great! I'm down here by where all those big animal things came running out of. Watch out for the big grey one with the horn on its nose. It likes to charge.

[lazarus_rises]

It's just a car. You don't call them an 'auto' or a 'machine' unless you're a robot.

On my way. Anyone who makes roadkill is automatically disqualified.

[michaeloffire]

Fine, fine. My car will fuck up your car then. It's an M-ass-rat-i. It says so on it.

Hey! That's not exactly fair! Those brown leaping things keep getting in the road.

[lazarus_rises]

All flash, but no stamina.

You'll just have to count on your skills then, won't you?

[michaeloffire]

What's a good one then? I don't want a shit car thing!

It's my first day driving a car. Doesn't that get me something?

[lazarus_rises]

Look, if you want a real car, you look for one that'll stand the test of time. You want something with power, something that shakes your whole body when you turn the key. Something that roars like a tiger when you put your foot on the gas, and purrs like a kitten when you let it idle.

You want something American.

Are you driving a stick or automatic?

[michaeloffire]

Yes! I want that car machine thing!

American? I didn't see a car with 'American' on it.

How do I know? I just took one. It drives like an air-tank but on the ground.

[lazarus_rises]

Well you can't have it. Because hopefully it's being driven across the midwest by Sam right about now.

You know, I'd be more worried about the transmission if it was actually my car.

[michaeloffire]

Can't I get one like it then? Where I got this car, there were lots of them that looked alike.

What's a transmission?

[lazarus_rises]

I'm sure we'll find something that you like.

What's a transmission? You guys are killing me.

[michaeloffire]

Is that the whosiwhatsit that you pull or push the stick for to do that thingamajigger?

[lazarus_rises]

What do they teach you up there on those clouds?

Alright. No race until we pop the hood and I show you a few things. You can't appreciate a car until you understand it. It's kind of like a woman...only there's a better chance of understanding a car.

[michaeloffire]

Mostly how to kill demons and raid Hell.

We don't speak the language you do. I know how to make these damn things run and drive them. I just don't know what the fuck your word for it is.

[lazarus_rises]

Those things are a lot more fun in the Metallicar.

It's not enough to just know how to drive them. You have to know how to take care of them! Like when it needs an oil change or new spark plugs or filters.

If you woke up one morning and your wings weren't working, you'd want to know why, right? You'd want to be able to fix them. Well, a car is our wings.