(no subject)
Going home.
Lately, I've had a lot of things on my mind & a lot of things to talk about & write about. Tonight is the end of this period, because today wrapped up all the things that have been up in the air, & tomorrow I'm going home for TEN days. Tonight is a bridge, & the end of everything on my mind.
I'm going to put everything away where it goes, hang up all my clothes, wash all the dishes in the sink, take all the magazines off the kitchen table, collect all the trash, pack, put on music, stretch out my aching body, & go to sleep. I am going to sleep so well tonight.
Tom.
The knife did indeed belong to him, so its now back in his possession. When I spit, I want to do so with decision. I don’t want it to just like, fall out of my mouth. I want it to really be propelled, you know? I know girls aren't supposed to spit, but I do & I think the way someone spits is a really interesting attribute.
Mom.
After I got shots today, I called my mom to ask her something about registering. It was so good just to hear her voice. I don’t keep track of when we talk, really, but I don't think I'd talked to her in at least 2 days. Its a weird place to be, right between a daughter and an adult. My grammie, my mom's mom, discourages my mom & I being so close. She thinks that being best friends with my mom is going to keep me from making other best friends. While my grammie irritates me by putting this weird disapproving pressure on my mom to kind of pull away from me or 'push me out of the nest,' she does have a point. My life is really centralized & I do like it that way. I have my mom. My beautiful, amazing, supportive, funny, safe mom. And I'm sure that having a good friend in her doesn’t do much for the cause of forcing me to get close to other people. I don't even understand how much I love my mother. But naturally, I don't care about what I could be missing out on by being close to my mom when I consider what I'd be missing out on by forfeiting our relationship to be close to someone else. I can't fully explain this. Partially, I really think it is the single greatest thing about my world. Partially, I think its really dysfunctional. Sometimes I really think I could be okay with having my mom as my best friend forever, & as long as I never had sex, that is honestly a totally realistic scenario.
Lately, I've had a lot of things on my mind & a lot of things to talk about & write about. Tonight is the end of this period, because today wrapped up all the things that have been up in the air, & tomorrow I'm going home for TEN days. Tonight is a bridge, & the end of everything on my mind.
I'm going to put everything away where it goes, hang up all my clothes, wash all the dishes in the sink, take all the magazines off the kitchen table, collect all the trash, pack, put on music, stretch out my aching body, & go to sleep. I am going to sleep so well tonight.
Tom.
The knife did indeed belong to him, so its now back in his possession. When I spit, I want to do so with decision. I don’t want it to just like, fall out of my mouth. I want it to really be propelled, you know? I know girls aren't supposed to spit, but I do & I think the way someone spits is a really interesting attribute.
Mom.
After I got shots today, I called my mom to ask her something about registering. It was so good just to hear her voice. I don’t keep track of when we talk, really, but I don't think I'd talked to her in at least 2 days. Its a weird place to be, right between a daughter and an adult. My grammie, my mom's mom, discourages my mom & I being so close. She thinks that being best friends with my mom is going to keep me from making other best friends. While my grammie irritates me by putting this weird disapproving pressure on my mom to kind of pull away from me or 'push me out of the nest,' she does have a point. My life is really centralized & I do like it that way. I have my mom. My beautiful, amazing, supportive, funny, safe mom. And I'm sure that having a good friend in her doesn’t do much for the cause of forcing me to get close to other people. I don't even understand how much I love my mother. But naturally, I don't care about what I could be missing out on by being close to my mom when I consider what I'd be missing out on by forfeiting our relationship to be close to someone else. I can't fully explain this. Partially, I really think it is the single greatest thing about my world. Partially, I think its really dysfunctional. Sometimes I really think I could be okay with having my mom as my best friend forever, & as long as I never had sex, that is honestly a totally realistic scenario.