Everything I need to know I learned from CSI
Ooh, this is fun! I have clearly learned so much from CSI. And it's ALL TRUE.
1. Liver temp drops approximately one degree every hour after death.
2. Evidentiary procedure, warrants, and other legal crap like that are in no way important. Warrants, in fact, can be manufactured out of thin air, unless the lack of a warrant is necessary to move the plot along.
3. "Burking" is asphyxiating someone by sitting on them and smothering them at the same time. It's named after William Burke, who killed people like that and then sold their corpses to medical schools back in the day.
4. Petecchial hemorrhaging is a sign of asphyxiation. I'm not entirely sure, but it's possible this means hemorrhaging of the little blood vessels in the eyes. And I'm probably not spelling it right.
5. A fractured hyoid bone is indicative of strangulation.
6. It's pretty much impossible to completely get rid of blood stains.
7. Bleach degrades DNA. So, you know, if you ever murder someone, use bleach to clean up the blood.
8. It takes about 12 hours to completely dissect an adult male.
9. Bugs are cool because they always do their jobs.
10. Scuba divers use dishwashing liquid to help get their suits on easier.
12. It's possible for someone to *live in your attic* without you knowing about it.
13. Most people, when confronted with the dead body of a friend, loved one, casual acquaintance, or enemy will dispose of the body in some creative way rather than call 911.
14. Dropping acid will cause you to eat people.
15. Images can be infinitely enhanced until minute details can be seen clearly. Low image resolution is never a problem.
16. Women are more likely to use pills to commit suicide, supposedly because they don't disfigure you. Women are also more likely to kill themselves in the bathtub, supposedly because it makes for easier cleanup.
17. You should never attempt to join a frat. You will either die because of the hazing, or die because you're forced to streak in a bra and panties and mistaken for a girl by a serial killer.
18. Among the many disgusting things that can be found in restaurant kitchens are: blood, cocaine, saliva, and semen.
19. You and your husband should never attempt to have a foursome with a couple you meet at a strip club, as they will turn out to be serial killers who force your husband to kill you before they kill him and who have an absolutely horrendous understanding of Shakespeare.
20. White lines on your fingernails are indicative of heavy metal poisoning.
Anybody have any to add?
Also, GIP. I am going to marry Nicky Stokes and have his babies. Just so you know.
1. Liver temp drops approximately one degree every hour after death.
2. Evidentiary procedure, warrants, and other legal crap like that are in no way important. Warrants, in fact, can be manufactured out of thin air, unless the lack of a warrant is necessary to move the plot along.
3. "Burking" is asphyxiating someone by sitting on them and smothering them at the same time. It's named after William Burke, who killed people like that and then sold their corpses to medical schools back in the day.
4. Petecchial hemorrhaging is a sign of asphyxiation. I'm not entirely sure, but it's possible this means hemorrhaging of the little blood vessels in the eyes. And I'm probably not spelling it right.
5. A fractured hyoid bone is indicative of strangulation.
6. It's pretty much impossible to completely get rid of blood stains.
7. Bleach degrades DNA. So, you know, if you ever murder someone, use bleach to clean up the blood.
8. It takes about 12 hours to completely dissect an adult male.
9. Bugs are cool because they always do their jobs.
10. Scuba divers use dishwashing liquid to help get their suits on easier.
12. It's possible for someone to *live in your attic* without you knowing about it.
13. Most people, when confronted with the dead body of a friend, loved one, casual acquaintance, or enemy will dispose of the body in some creative way rather than call 911.
14. Dropping acid will cause you to eat people.
15. Images can be infinitely enhanced until minute details can be seen clearly. Low image resolution is never a problem.
16. Women are more likely to use pills to commit suicide, supposedly because they don't disfigure you. Women are also more likely to kill themselves in the bathtub, supposedly because it makes for easier cleanup.
17. You should never attempt to join a frat. You will either die because of the hazing, or die because you're forced to streak in a bra and panties and mistaken for a girl by a serial killer.
18. Among the many disgusting things that can be found in restaurant kitchens are: blood, cocaine, saliva, and semen.
19. You and your husband should never attempt to have a foursome with a couple you meet at a strip club, as they will turn out to be serial killers who force your husband to kill you before they kill him and who have an absolutely horrendous understanding of Shakespeare.
20. White lines on your fingernails are indicative of heavy metal poisoning.
Anybody have any to add?
Also, GIP. I am going to marry Nicky Stokes and have his babies. Just so you know.