bitter-sweet escape
I'm sitting here reflecting on the past year and part of me says i would go back and change everything but the other half of me keeps reminding me that everything happens for a reason. Nathan and I have broken up. He's going through a lot right now and (in my opinion) is getting really depressed from being away from his family and i'm getting the brunt of his emotions. Why do men always have to be in control of situations? I think that things were going fast but steady. I met his family in the beginning of January, they all loved me and we actually became very close. We were talking about me moving up and college and sorts but when i was leaving i didn't want to leave. It was such an amazing place and i fell in love with his family. When we got back he finally told me that he was planning on moving up in April so that he could start his new job at the dealership up there which obviously upset me cause our lease was until August and i would have to live there by myself, not my idea of fun. But i was fine with it. He needed to get a job and get stuff started for me to come up. We also talked about my college, we decided that i would be staying till i finished my AA then i would follow him up. But things didnt surface until weeks later when i snapped after being ignored for several days. He claimed he was empty inside and that he didnt think he had feelings for me anymore. He said he was confused and that he needed time to think. Obviously i was very upset and angry so i packed some things and left. The next day i finished my packing, cursed him out several times and moved in with my mom. I was so hurt. I couldnt drive down the street without bursting into tears and i was physically in pain from it. It took me a while to be able to just calm down but the second day of being out i went back for the last couple things of mine and left him a letter saying that i was still there for him and that i would support him in anything he decided. It was still sitting on the coffee table today when i went back and next to it was a picture of us. Its nice to know he didnt throw it away or pitch all the pictures of me. I'm hurt but i can make it. And its nice to just write everything out so i can move on.