pause, silence, another moment dropped off.

[laylaisdemented]

entry:
the flow of words....as it comes...wont stop them...just gooooooooo
im here
now.
nowhere else....im sittin here.
what do i want?this moment? this sec......i want to prove myself.
no..i want to blv that im here.
that this is real.
and that its worth it....
is it worth it?i dont know.....
i cant clear my mind.i have to stop the music.wait.stopped.
i dont like to pause.
i rather stop.
try to clear my mind...breathe....dont have to concentrate.
fine...now.
think.
what do u want.
what do u want
want?
want?
how about...
the other way round.
i just dont "want"..i just be. and wait.for want to come to me.
now im sounding like a nutcase.
im a nutcase
im not.
fine.
plz ....can i make it stop.
make it clear...make myself see it....do i even wanna see it.
the blazin truth.
truth...thats the key.
do i know the truth....or do I THINK I KNOW THE TRUTH?
a bit of both i say.
and they both arent makin me happy.
what is it.
again i ask.
what is it that i want.......need....
im not gonna settle for second place.
period.
im not gonna settle for less.
i am less.
right now i am less......dont i just amaze myself?
when do i say stop.
stop....the thing i love...not pause....fuck pause.
i wanna go for STOP.
once n for all.....just stop.
cuz pausing get u tired.....makes u get drained.
while stoppin.....that satisfies u. u know where ur at.....but u know that u cant continue ...cuz u chose to stop.
i wanna stop.
stop.
i belong here.
no where else.
i am at peace here.
alone.
fine.
peace.
right.