I'm spinning in circles...
Today has been crazy. Nate's funeral, fighting with my dad, not seeing people all week.... and i just felt like crumpling up on the floor and crying. I still do actually but i won't because i have to be strong. I don't know why, it's just how i am. I don't understand myself... i really don't. Why do i feel like i have to be strong for everyone else when really people are trying to be strong for me and i won't take their help?! Because i'm a moron.
So after a week of not talking to "him" i decided to call. And guess what, no answer. Good job me! I finally have someone who is interested in starting a REAL relationship with me and i push him away. I'm a goddamned genius! I deserve to be alone the way i've treated this whole thing. I guess the reason i keep pushing him away is because i'm not ready for what he wants. I don't want to get serious and end up married in a year. I'm only 19 for God's sake. And i don't want a kid! Not that i don't love his son, but he didn't come from my uterus i don't want to be responsible for him... i know it's selfish and stupid.
I just tried to call again and he's not answering. Forget it, i probably ruined it.
Goodnight.
So after a week of not talking to "him" i decided to call. And guess what, no answer. Good job me! I finally have someone who is interested in starting a REAL relationship with me and i push him away. I'm a goddamned genius! I deserve to be alone the way i've treated this whole thing. I guess the reason i keep pushing him away is because i'm not ready for what he wants. I don't want to get serious and end up married in a year. I'm only 19 for God's sake. And i don't want a kid! Not that i don't love his son, but he didn't come from my uterus i don't want to be responsible for him... i know it's selfish and stupid.
I just tried to call again and he's not answering. Forget it, i probably ruined it.
Goodnight.