kind of like you
You know that feeling when your heart starts to race and everything seems to leave and go far far away from all of your senses and the only thing you can feel is the stress building in your body and you feel like you might lose the capability to breath soon, but there is no way to stop it all except for crying a lot. Yeah, its kind of like that... or, perhaps you just want to scream and make the person who is the source of this sensation feel like shit and tell them exactly how you feel, but you know that won´t work because it isn´t an option, because maybe all of this is just made up and you don´t really know for sure because you are fucking 2000 miles away from them. But, perhaps it is all true, and maybe it won´t be apparent the next time you see them because they might become a different person around you, but who is the real one? The person they become through pictures and when you are absent completly? Or the person they are and say they love when you are there with them? Or is it all a lie, and how does one figure that out? And does one take a chance in ruining it all just by this gut feeling that it will all fail now that truth, or whatever it may be, has come out. How can one ever know. And, then you have to ask about why one has these thought proceses so strong and over powering all that is there menta when they have the stress of writing a 6 page paper in spanish based on an insufficient amount of sources for tomorrow... But, there isn´t anything to do about it to make the situation any more relaxing because the only one that can soothe that pain is gone and changing and becoming the one to cause that pain...but, crying isn´t an option because there are things to do and humiliation to save because you happen to be in a developing country where the only computers that readily exist are far from privacy. And this is the point when you want to scream Fuck and run away and could only hope to reach the rainforest so that you can lie yourself down on the muddy terrain and only hope that enough rain comes in time to let you drown in the beauty of nature, and maybe then all of your stress and anxieties and hatred will disappear and drown aswell.
Does it mean that someone isn´t mature enough or isn´t the person you thought he-she was when they need to change? Or is this ignorance...what does it say about a person that perhaps isn´t strong enough to hold on to who they are, or perhaps they are strong enough to change who they are, what is right, what is wrong, when do you chose where to settle, and what does it mean when there is someone else along for the ride. Should one be conscious of the way the other would feel? And would they know exactly what the other would feel? Fuck you.
Does it mean that someone isn´t mature enough or isn´t the person you thought he-she was when they need to change? Or is this ignorance...what does it say about a person that perhaps isn´t strong enough to hold on to who they are, or perhaps they are strong enough to change who they are, what is right, what is wrong, when do you chose where to settle, and what does it mean when there is someone else along for the ride. Should one be conscious of the way the other would feel? And would they know exactly what the other would feel? Fuck you.