happiness is... no knots in the stomach?
I should be happy at this moment.
Work sucked, but it wasn't that bad. I had an amazing run today under Johnathan's new method and he and I got to step outside and see the lunar eclipse. I came home and had a midnight snack of ants on a boat, grapefruit and tea and watched some Scrubs. I took a shower and am very warm, sleepy, full and mostly happy. Alex and I are doing well and it only keeps getting better. I work the rest of the weekdays and am going to Pittsburgh to see White York play with Against Me! on the weekend. I'm healthy and have all of my limbs. Alex finally got a job. All seems right in the world.
Except for the fact that I was verbally accepted into my safety department on the University that was on the very bottom of my list. I only applied because Alex wanted to go there and now that he's thinking about law school, the previous program isn't of interest or relevance to him. Verbal acceptance isn't the problem. A fellowship and a 5-year TAship contract is the problem. Wisconsin hasn't gotten back to me on their finances yet, so as of right now, I have no funding. The aforementioned school is booking my ticket tomorrow to fly out to their campus in Seattle on March 9th to, essentially, hang out for three days and sucker me in. Alex isn't allowed to come (unless he buys his own ticket) and it's all expenses paid for me to have a grand adventure without the outside influence of anyone that I know. Yeah, that will be fun, but what's it all for?
Dr. Fertig told me not to even waste my money applying to that program at that school. I tried today to get into his office hours so that I can ask him exactly why he thinks that... but oh! what to do? I haven't even heard back from half of my programs! ...and these guys want a decision right away... and they're the only ones fronting the money. Why does it have to be so far away (as I would only be able to afford to come home once a year over the course of 5 years) and is Dr. Fertig's gut feeling correct?
...and seriously, what the fuck? Why can't I get into any of the Linguistics programs? Only the Germanic ones? Dr. Fertig and Prof. Howell agree that there is more money in Germanics and Germanic Linguistics but Dr. Hoeing thinks differently. Who is right? Which department do I sell my soul to? Germanic Linguistics doesn't quite cover everything I want to do, so no, I can't have my cake and eat it, too.
...and wherever I go, Alex is coming too. So I have to make a decision that affects the rest of my life (without exaggeration) and the life of someone else. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
oh these knots, they twist in my stomach and make me toss and turn at night.
I know, I know, whine, complain!
Really though, things are ok. I just have to wait and see where else I get accepted/rejected and pray that someone, anyone, else can give me the same deal as Washington.
(...and Alex pointed out to me that starting August, wherever I do go, I will officially begin my journey into uncomfortable wages for the next decade. Yes, 10 or so years of working with $12,000. Dishwashers at the Olive Garden make more than that. I just hope that I don't run into any of my students while dumpster diving... talk about awkward.)
Work sucked, but it wasn't that bad. I had an amazing run today under Johnathan's new method and he and I got to step outside and see the lunar eclipse. I came home and had a midnight snack of ants on a boat, grapefruit and tea and watched some Scrubs. I took a shower and am very warm, sleepy, full and mostly happy. Alex and I are doing well and it only keeps getting better. I work the rest of the weekdays and am going to Pittsburgh to see White York play with Against Me! on the weekend. I'm healthy and have all of my limbs. Alex finally got a job. All seems right in the world.
Except for the fact that I was verbally accepted into my safety department on the University that was on the very bottom of my list. I only applied because Alex wanted to go there and now that he's thinking about law school, the previous program isn't of interest or relevance to him. Verbal acceptance isn't the problem. A fellowship and a 5-year TAship contract is the problem. Wisconsin hasn't gotten back to me on their finances yet, so as of right now, I have no funding. The aforementioned school is booking my ticket tomorrow to fly out to their campus in Seattle on March 9th to, essentially, hang out for three days and sucker me in. Alex isn't allowed to come (unless he buys his own ticket) and it's all expenses paid for me to have a grand adventure without the outside influence of anyone that I know. Yeah, that will be fun, but what's it all for?
Dr. Fertig told me not to even waste my money applying to that program at that school. I tried today to get into his office hours so that I can ask him exactly why he thinks that... but oh! what to do? I haven't even heard back from half of my programs! ...and these guys want a decision right away... and they're the only ones fronting the money. Why does it have to be so far away (as I would only be able to afford to come home once a year over the course of 5 years) and is Dr. Fertig's gut feeling correct?
...and seriously, what the fuck? Why can't I get into any of the Linguistics programs? Only the Germanic ones? Dr. Fertig and Prof. Howell agree that there is more money in Germanics and Germanic Linguistics but Dr. Hoeing thinks differently. Who is right? Which department do I sell my soul to? Germanic Linguistics doesn't quite cover everything I want to do, so no, I can't have my cake and eat it, too.
...and wherever I go, Alex is coming too. So I have to make a decision that affects the rest of my life (without exaggeration) and the life of someone else. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
oh these knots, they twist in my stomach and make me toss and turn at night.
I know, I know, whine, complain!
Really though, things are ok. I just have to wait and see where else I get accepted/rejected and pray that someone, anyone, else can give me the same deal as Washington.
(...and Alex pointed out to me that starting August, wherever I do go, I will officially begin my journey into uncomfortable wages for the next decade. Yes, 10 or so years of working with $12,000. Dishwashers at the Olive Garden make more than that. I just hope that I don't run into any of my students while dumpster diving... talk about awkward.)