I think I could stay with you. For a while, maybe longer if I do.
It's another late night, and I can't sleep because I'm thinking about all I have to do (and also I think I can hear a rat chewing or scratching around here).
It's hard to imagine that in one week I will be back in Delaware. I've been in this area for almost three years. Everyone keeps giving me sideways glances when I tell them what I am doing post-graduation, and I would have been incredulous myself this time last year. But with all that's been going on back home lately, I want to be nearer to everyone, and I miss being a part of everyone growing up. Also, I need to regroup and relax. I am too close to being burned out.
DC has been crazy - so much has happened since I came here. Unfortunately, all I can think of now are the negative things, although I have enjoyed my times in VA. I'm hoping that time and distance will color my college years more rosy. Ever the optimist, I keep telling myself that I just haven't peaked yet. In brutal honesty, I do not like this place and feel no connection to Georgetown, which kind of makes me hate it.
I can't hate the changes I have gone through to make me such a stronger girl, but I wish that I had been happier. Or that the happiness I have had didn't have to be so contrived and worked-for. I don't want to fall into the trap of wishing things were easy, but sometimes I wish that things just weren't so damn hard.
My to-do list:
Drop off Kate's paperwork
Get books from library and finish Arthurian paper
Reserve rooms for commencement
Buy senior ball tickets
Get dress and have nails done
Pack and clean room
Highlight hair
Not so bad when you write it out.
Next Friday is my last day at Starbucks. 11 months. I've met a lot of interesting people, whom I will miss while I'm gone. Although I'm sure I will be back lots, it is only a two-hour drive. It's funny, I can't think of anyone at Georgetown I will miss at all - just Shirley and Laura, and I know those two aren't out of my life. But I will miss the VA people.
One more thing before I try to go back to sleep. Lately I have been thinking about passionate love - a love where two people are just consumed by each other, good or bad, and are on the same level of extreme intimacy - like Scarlet Begonias. I want to try that. I doubt that I have ever been in love, and it is hard for me to connect to anyone. But I would like to care deeply for someone, I don't think you are really human until you have. I want to be consumed by someone who is consumed by me.
It's hard to imagine that in one week I will be back in Delaware. I've been in this area for almost three years. Everyone keeps giving me sideways glances when I tell them what I am doing post-graduation, and I would have been incredulous myself this time last year. But with all that's been going on back home lately, I want to be nearer to everyone, and I miss being a part of everyone growing up. Also, I need to regroup and relax. I am too close to being burned out.
DC has been crazy - so much has happened since I came here. Unfortunately, all I can think of now are the negative things, although I have enjoyed my times in VA. I'm hoping that time and distance will color my college years more rosy. Ever the optimist, I keep telling myself that I just haven't peaked yet. In brutal honesty, I do not like this place and feel no connection to Georgetown, which kind of makes me hate it.
I can't hate the changes I have gone through to make me such a stronger girl, but I wish that I had been happier. Or that the happiness I have had didn't have to be so contrived and worked-for. I don't want to fall into the trap of wishing things were easy, but sometimes I wish that things just weren't so damn hard.
My to-do list:
Drop off Kate's paperwork
Get books from library and finish Arthurian paper
Reserve rooms for commencement
Buy senior ball tickets
Get dress and have nails done
Pack and clean room
Highlight hair
Not so bad when you write it out.
Next Friday is my last day at Starbucks. 11 months. I've met a lot of interesting people, whom I will miss while I'm gone. Although I'm sure I will be back lots, it is only a two-hour drive. It's funny, I can't think of anyone at Georgetown I will miss at all - just Shirley and Laura, and I know those two aren't out of my life. But I will miss the VA people.
One more thing before I try to go back to sleep. Lately I have been thinking about passionate love - a love where two people are just consumed by each other, good or bad, and are on the same level of extreme intimacy - like Scarlet Begonias. I want to try that. I doubt that I have ever been in love, and it is hard for me to connect to anyone. But I would like to care deeply for someone, I don't think you are really human until you have. I want to be consumed by someone who is consumed by me.