AAAHHH Why Me!
So remember how i was totally excited and proud about the Fashion sHow right? Well yeah...booo!!!! The people I care the most for are the ones telling me that I did awful or I looked awful. i just wish i could take it all back now. I wish I could rewind when i made the decision to come out in the first place. La Tiere you had too much makeup on, La Tiere you looked like you were limping. La Tiere, you looked better at homecoming, La Tiere...you could have done better. La Tiere...the gurl with the ugly walk did better than yoo. UGH! Why me! The one with the insecurity problems and the low self-esteem has to be kicked lower every time. Damn god, can I get some help? some love? An escape even? Can I be someone else? Everyone else has it made! Know why? Cuz they're not me. Cuz if they were here would be some of the things they would face...no personal time. Harsh criticism. People always riding you about how imperfect you are. You can never do enough. You can never say the right things. You are never going to make it. La Tiere how Come you're not smarter? How come you're not prettier? How come you dont have big boobs? How come you arent straight? How come you cant get anything right? Howe come you dont have a prom date? How come you you dont have a 4.0 instead of a 3.8? La tier how come your hair is so nappy? how come your room isnt always clean? How come you cant clean the entire house? How come you dont boys? La tiere why are you about to be eighteen years old on your way out to college with no permit no liscense and no intention? La Tiere how come you dont you pay for some of the bills in this house? La Tiere why dont you receive as many awards as you use to? Why? WHY? You wanna know why all these things? Because I'm not perfect! I'm not the prettiest gurl in the world. I'm not a damn puppet. I dont just like guys. They're jerks. I've been hurt. All guys want from me is one thing because rememmber I dont have it all. I'm not the smartest and I cant be with everyone breathing down my damn neck. I'm sorry I dont walk like the prfect model. I'm sorry im ugly with or without makeup. I'm sorry that I'm not the next president or Yale accepted student. I'm sorry that my eyes arent green enough to win best eyes. I'm sorry that I cant be a full-time Betty Crocker. I'm sorry that the world didnt turn in my damn favor and im not worlds greatest daughter. i'm sorry that I havent brought home the richest youngest finest most successful young man to help me bear children with. I'm sorry that im going to San Francisco State. i'm sorry that I dont have a relationship with my family. I'm sorry that im not the right complexion I dont have straight teeth.I'm sorry my hair is thick and nappy. i'm sorry I'm not winning any pulitzers. I'm sorry that I have an attitudeBut can you guess why? Can anybody? Somebody please please tell me...where are they giving these things out because you know what? I'm missing it all and everyone wants to know why!When someone figures it out. Let me know. While youre at it. Let me know where I can get a best friend who wont try to go after the person I love. Who will wake up in the middle of the night when im crying. Who will sacrifice some her plans to spend time with me or help me get through bad times. Tell me where I can find a best friend who will hug me without being scared that im trying to hit on her. Tell me where I can find a sister who would help me manipulate my parents into letting go somewhere..that will tell me gossip stories or for christ even have a relationship with. Tell me where I can find a father who doesnt believe that the only tears i should shed should be for his funeral. tell me where i can find a mother who isnt always verbally abusing me! Tell me lord tell me...because i DONT have all the answers and I dont know who does but if you do can you let all these people know that I can only be me and im sorry if thats not enough. Maybe one day ill be gone and noone will have to ask me why? Or worry why this or why that? They'll be no answer or nuthing to question. Until then Fuck off! I cant take everyone's shit nemore! THATS WHY!!!!!!!