happiness issues
today was actually a wonderful day i got to spend with the one and only me. slept in, did whatever on NO SCHEDULE, was home alone, ate junk, updated things that i hadnt in awhile, cleaned my room, took a long shower so yeah just regular stuff but i enjoyed myself. tomorrow morning our family is going to help perry (another baseball and cute assistant coach) move into his new apartment. that'll be fun perry is so hilarious!
but although today was laid back and enjoyable, it gave me alot of time to think and once my brain starts spinning it cant stop and i start thinking of all sorts of things. the topic of the day : HAPPINESS
unfortunately i will be completely honest with myself. i cant lie. i am not and havent been that happy since i moved here. not to say that i have been sad the whole time which isnt true, but i have not felt at all near as awesome as i ever did in clinton. i cant help but to compare and i try to hard not to, its not good for me. BUT in clinton i had the most amazing friends and we acted so goofy and i was always so happy i mean of course i was sad, mad, angry at times which is how life is full of so many emotions. but for the most part, i was so happy for my life and i was always busy everyday with a friend or more hanging out and stuff. but here, almost complete opposite. some days or very few weeks are great and i actually get invited to things or have people actually talk to me for longer periods of times and somewhat seem to care (friends in clinton always did) but mostly everytime i talk to someone i feel like even though i'm telling them these things that they dont really care. that i'm still the new girl. and it hurts that i havent STILL been taken seriously. i mean wow i've lived here for almost one year on Dec. 20th and i still dont feel like i've made much progress in the 'friend area', sad. i see so many people that i could be really good friends with but then i'm rejected when they just say hey or even, this happened last week i say hey and people completely ignore me. so in summary i'm not feeling happy with myself or with how i'm being treated still.
seeing my brother who like a month after we moved became instantly popular and who i picked up tonight from a big party with his friends, i mean i'm so happy for him that this moves been good for him but at the same time its hard for me b/c thats not how this move has been for me at all. i mean i'm sure other people in my youth group or at school that i know and talk to have parties or go to movies or just hang out ALL THE TIME but i am never invited. not ever even been asked to sit at the front with someone at church. i guess i am complaining and i'm truthfully not someone who likes to complain i actually despise it but i cant just act like everything is fine when i wish SO BAD it was. its hard when i am unhappy right now and i know that if i could just go right to clinton now i would INSTANTLY be extremely happy and i'd actually have the life that i want and need and miss. :/ thats all i think. sorry if i sound awful. thats just how i feel. night!
but although today was laid back and enjoyable, it gave me alot of time to think and once my brain starts spinning it cant stop and i start thinking of all sorts of things. the topic of the day : HAPPINESS
unfortunately i will be completely honest with myself. i cant lie. i am not and havent been that happy since i moved here. not to say that i have been sad the whole time which isnt true, but i have not felt at all near as awesome as i ever did in clinton. i cant help but to compare and i try to hard not to, its not good for me. BUT in clinton i had the most amazing friends and we acted so goofy and i was always so happy i mean of course i was sad, mad, angry at times which is how life is full of so many emotions. but for the most part, i was so happy for my life and i was always busy everyday with a friend or more hanging out and stuff. but here, almost complete opposite. some days or very few weeks are great and i actually get invited to things or have people actually talk to me for longer periods of times and somewhat seem to care (friends in clinton always did) but mostly everytime i talk to someone i feel like even though i'm telling them these things that they dont really care. that i'm still the new girl. and it hurts that i havent STILL been taken seriously. i mean wow i've lived here for almost one year on Dec. 20th and i still dont feel like i've made much progress in the 'friend area', sad. i see so many people that i could be really good friends with but then i'm rejected when they just say hey or even, this happened last week i say hey and people completely ignore me. so in summary i'm not feeling happy with myself or with how i'm being treated still.
seeing my brother who like a month after we moved became instantly popular and who i picked up tonight from a big party with his friends, i mean i'm so happy for him that this moves been good for him but at the same time its hard for me b/c thats not how this move has been for me at all. i mean i'm sure other people in my youth group or at school that i know and talk to have parties or go to movies or just hang out ALL THE TIME but i am never invited. not ever even been asked to sit at the front with someone at church. i guess i am complaining and i'm truthfully not someone who likes to complain i actually despise it but i cant just act like everything is fine when i wish SO BAD it was. its hard when i am unhappy right now and i know that if i could just go right to clinton now i would INSTANTLY be extremely happy and i'd actually have the life that i want and need and miss. :/ thats all i think. sorry if i sound awful. thats just how i feel. night!