i miss my friends
once again i'm back to crying about how much i miss my friends in clinton, i know i'm pathetic but i feel like i have every reason to cry. everytime a hear a song that has something to do with friends or guys or w/e it makes me cry and think of how much i hate being so far away from them. and i hate to cry because once i start i cant stop and i usually hold it in, my tears and my sadness so no one here can probably tell that i'm really hurting. but before i do my speal about that i do have a few good things that happened this weekend.
6:00 pm rolls around on Friday and a friend i've met at school who's really funny and nice, has invited me to come to the ghs jamboree tonight with her, her mom, sister, my brother, and ('her's name is kristin lol) Kristin's friend Allison. so, they pick me up and i'm excited about the night and getting to know more about this girl instead of just talking at school. so i had a blast. even though the game was terrible, 30-0 i didnt watch much of it and mostly i just talked w/ kristin and allison who are really fun to hang around. they kinda remind me of my friends in clinton...sigh. i'm invited to spend the night :) and after the game we meet her boyfriend and some other guys on the football team at pasquales (yum!) and then we hang out that night, talk, and sleep. so i had a great time those few days, finally i've made some new friends.
BUT, even after all of that i listened to a song today, a few actually and they all were talking about friends or what not and being away from them and growing up, blah blah blah right? and i started crying, i feel so bad for myself and i dont want to. i want to be happier than this like i was in clinton and no one can understand me, at least i feel like that. my friends are just going on with their lives without me and i miss so much talking to them, just goofing around, being my complete self who no one knows here b/c i'm so lame and its hard for me to open-up, and b/c truly in the back of my mind i feel that nobody yet really wants to get to know the real me. i know thats awful to assume, but i really honestly feel that yea sure people are nice and all and ask questions...but do they really care? i've never been in such a odd position...losing friends and trying to make people understand me.
also, have you ever felt like the person you love or think you love or your best friend is just out of your reach. that you could be something so special and have a kick ass time together but you cant have them b/c things are too complicated, like me moving. and what hurts even more is that your best friend in love with someone else and they're really happy which is awesome b/c you want them to be...but you cant help but feel a little jealous because you want to picture yourself with him/her...?
please leave comments! church time!
6:00 pm rolls around on Friday and a friend i've met at school who's really funny and nice, has invited me to come to the ghs jamboree tonight with her, her mom, sister, my brother, and ('her's name is kristin lol) Kristin's friend Allison. so, they pick me up and i'm excited about the night and getting to know more about this girl instead of just talking at school. so i had a blast. even though the game was terrible, 30-0 i didnt watch much of it and mostly i just talked w/ kristin and allison who are really fun to hang around. they kinda remind me of my friends in clinton...sigh. i'm invited to spend the night :) and after the game we meet her boyfriend and some other guys on the football team at pasquales (yum!) and then we hang out that night, talk, and sleep. so i had a great time those few days, finally i've made some new friends.
BUT, even after all of that i listened to a song today, a few actually and they all were talking about friends or what not and being away from them and growing up, blah blah blah right? and i started crying, i feel so bad for myself and i dont want to. i want to be happier than this like i was in clinton and no one can understand me, at least i feel like that. my friends are just going on with their lives without me and i miss so much talking to them, just goofing around, being my complete self who no one knows here b/c i'm so lame and its hard for me to open-up, and b/c truly in the back of my mind i feel that nobody yet really wants to get to know the real me. i know thats awful to assume, but i really honestly feel that yea sure people are nice and all and ask questions...but do they really care? i've never been in such a odd position...losing friends and trying to make people understand me.
also, have you ever felt like the person you love or think you love or your best friend is just out of your reach. that you could be something so special and have a kick ass time together but you cant have them b/c things are too complicated, like me moving. and what hurts even more is that your best friend in love with someone else and they're really happy which is awesome b/c you want them to be...but you cant help but feel a little jealous because you want to picture yourself with him/her...?
please leave comments! church time!