I'm drowning.
so not like it's been a long time or anything. I'm bored. With life.
Yeah, life.
I want to move. Or graduate. Get married. Have a kid. I've had dreams of stopping my birth control and getting pregnant. But that's stupid, and I know it. Boy, do I know it. There's not enough money for kids, much less myself. My favorite manager is moving to the Livonia Area to be a GM at the new store there. He wants me to go with him. I would give ANYTHING to go. He says I'll be a server trainer, and get my 40 hrs a week, and all kinds of things. I'd love to go. I'd kill to go.
I could transfer to Oakland and finish off my degree, but I don't know if it'd be worth it this far into school. I don't have much left, but it's killing me to stay here. I hate flint. I hate complacency. I hate UMF.
I could quit. But I would hate myself forever for it. Like, forever. How could I raise kids and convince them to stay in school when shit got hard? I couldn't do that!
I could just wait, until 08 and leave then. But what if Zack's finally figured out what he wants to do. I think that kills me too... that he has NO IDEA what the fuck he wants to do with his life, and it hurts me sometimes. I wish I just knew what we were going to do. I feel like he just wants to be a career student so he can keep working @ UMF in housekeeping. Grargh.
I think the majority of my entries in here are because I'm bored with my life. But this time, I don't think a piercing or a hair cut and color is going to do it for me. I need something bigger.
I'm in two weddings this summer. Of people that I graduated with. Did i make a mistake by getting into another relationship with a younger guy who's not ready for the same things I am? Should I shut the hell up and just wait until he's ready for the same things I am? I feel like I'm never going to get engaged. Never going to move out. Sometimes I feel like the only way to do it right now is to leave Zack behind! If I were to move out on my own, and wait for him to get his shit together? But i love him, and I love being with him. I wish he had his priorities together. I wish Marriage was in the forefront of his mind.
I feel like I'm at such a standstill, and I'm drowning in boredom and complacency. DYING! I've got nothing. I am 22 (almost!), live at home, still 1.5 yrs from graduating in a career that is a dead end around here. I want to move. I'd LOVE to move. But Zack wants to stick around here because that's where our family is. I agree... but MICHIGAN SUCKS. There is NO economy here. Teachers keep getting fired, and laid off, and pink slipped. In other states, they LOOK FOR teachers that have been trained in Michigan, because we have good schools and a good teaching program... but there's so god damn many of us.
I'm not engaged. I'm not even anywhere CLOSE to engaged. Whenever I hint at the fact that I'd like an engagement ring, or that I'd like to get married, or move out... Zack just brushes it off. There's so much more that he'd rather spend money on. And buy. And do. Marriage isn't there for him. But he loves me. So much. He doesn't take me for granted like Joe did. He doesn't treat me badly like Rusty did. He's just 19. And not ready for marriage.
I need something. Maybe I'll run away. I say that a lot. But maybe I'll do it this time. Go stay with Jason in livonia for a week or something, and help him open his store. I don't know what else to do! I hate this!
Alright, it's been over an hour since I started this. I need to stop. I'm just depressing myself further.
Suggestions are welcome.
And I love Will Luongo. he's awesome.
Fin.
Yeah, life.
I want to move. Or graduate. Get married. Have a kid. I've had dreams of stopping my birth control and getting pregnant. But that's stupid, and I know it. Boy, do I know it. There's not enough money for kids, much less myself. My favorite manager is moving to the Livonia Area to be a GM at the new store there. He wants me to go with him. I would give ANYTHING to go. He says I'll be a server trainer, and get my 40 hrs a week, and all kinds of things. I'd love to go. I'd kill to go.
I could transfer to Oakland and finish off my degree, but I don't know if it'd be worth it this far into school. I don't have much left, but it's killing me to stay here. I hate flint. I hate complacency. I hate UMF.
I could quit. But I would hate myself forever for it. Like, forever. How could I raise kids and convince them to stay in school when shit got hard? I couldn't do that!
I could just wait, until 08 and leave then. But what if Zack's finally figured out what he wants to do. I think that kills me too... that he has NO IDEA what the fuck he wants to do with his life, and it hurts me sometimes. I wish I just knew what we were going to do. I feel like he just wants to be a career student so he can keep working @ UMF in housekeeping. Grargh.
I think the majority of my entries in here are because I'm bored with my life. But this time, I don't think a piercing or a hair cut and color is going to do it for me. I need something bigger.
I'm in two weddings this summer. Of people that I graduated with. Did i make a mistake by getting into another relationship with a younger guy who's not ready for the same things I am? Should I shut the hell up and just wait until he's ready for the same things I am? I feel like I'm never going to get engaged. Never going to move out. Sometimes I feel like the only way to do it right now is to leave Zack behind! If I were to move out on my own, and wait for him to get his shit together? But i love him, and I love being with him. I wish he had his priorities together. I wish Marriage was in the forefront of his mind.
I feel like I'm at such a standstill, and I'm drowning in boredom and complacency. DYING! I've got nothing. I am 22 (almost!), live at home, still 1.5 yrs from graduating in a career that is a dead end around here. I want to move. I'd LOVE to move. But Zack wants to stick around here because that's where our family is. I agree... but MICHIGAN SUCKS. There is NO economy here. Teachers keep getting fired, and laid off, and pink slipped. In other states, they LOOK FOR teachers that have been trained in Michigan, because we have good schools and a good teaching program... but there's so god damn many of us.
I'm not engaged. I'm not even anywhere CLOSE to engaged. Whenever I hint at the fact that I'd like an engagement ring, or that I'd like to get married, or move out... Zack just brushes it off. There's so much more that he'd rather spend money on. And buy. And do. Marriage isn't there for him. But he loves me. So much. He doesn't take me for granted like Joe did. He doesn't treat me badly like Rusty did. He's just 19. And not ready for marriage.
I need something. Maybe I'll run away. I say that a lot. But maybe I'll do it this time. Go stay with Jason in livonia for a week or something, and help him open his store. I don't know what else to do! I hate this!
Alright, it's been over an hour since I started this. I need to stop. I'm just depressing myself further.
Suggestions are welcome.
And I love Will Luongo. he's awesome.
Fin.