(no subject)
I've neglected Livejournal so very much lately. I think that Twitter is killing LJ, at least for me anyway.
I PROMISE to read more and update more. I just read over lots of friend entries and realised how I've missed quite a lot and it's made me sad.
Anyway - me, my life.....
My brother is staying over with us for a couple of weeks because when they have to take a holiday from the pub they have to leave it altogether for a "locum" landlord to come and live in their flat. It's an odd arrangement and means we have to put up with him.
I never got on with my brother when he lived here and things at home with my parents have been a lot better since he moved out. He's been at my parent's for a week so far, and it's be absolutely awful. I don't know why he thinks so little of me...but he does. Whenever he gets the chance he puts me down and tells me why I'm a loser/bum/lazy/mental/disgusting/worthless/pathetic etc.
This usually comes out at night, when he's been drinking..when he's in the house (he's out most of the day). The next day it will be as though nothing has happened, and he will deny that it meant anything, and he will say I take things the wrong way.
On Friday he really went too far. He decided to tell me everything that was wrong with my life and tell me how he's ashamed of me, how his life is so much better than mine. He was vile. So on saturday, I decided to go and stay at Damian's, which is where I am now. My mum's rang and said he doesn't even seem to have noticed I've left.
In a week or so he will have gone and things will start to get back to normal and I can go back home. I'm really worried now though, more than before, because now he has a son. A son he could stop me seeing (which would kill me, I adore him) if we don't make up. I can't see how I can forgive him. How many times can you forgive someone who says the most awful things about to you, who seems to really believe those things, someone who is meant to love you unconditionally? If it meant the difference between being allowed to see my nephew or not, I guess I would say I forgave him. I would swallow up everything he's made me feel. I'm scared that one day Charley will see how his dad talks to me and think it's normal. I'm worried he will look down on me as much as his father does. If he can say awful things to my face, then God knows what he says behind my back..and if you hear negative things about someone often enough you believe them. I've heard them so much..even I've started to believe them.
That's written really badly but I've got out of the habit of writing about myself in anything more than 140 characters!
I PROMISE to read more and update more. I just read over lots of friend entries and realised how I've missed quite a lot and it's made me sad.
Anyway - me, my life.....
My brother is staying over with us for a couple of weeks because when they have to take a holiday from the pub they have to leave it altogether for a "locum" landlord to come and live in their flat. It's an odd arrangement and means we have to put up with him.
I never got on with my brother when he lived here and things at home with my parents have been a lot better since he moved out. He's been at my parent's for a week so far, and it's be absolutely awful. I don't know why he thinks so little of me...but he does. Whenever he gets the chance he puts me down and tells me why I'm a loser/bum/lazy/mental/disgusting/worthless/pathetic etc.
This usually comes out at night, when he's been drinking..when he's in the house (he's out most of the day). The next day it will be as though nothing has happened, and he will deny that it meant anything, and he will say I take things the wrong way.
On Friday he really went too far. He decided to tell me everything that was wrong with my life and tell me how he's ashamed of me, how his life is so much better than mine. He was vile. So on saturday, I decided to go and stay at Damian's, which is where I am now. My mum's rang and said he doesn't even seem to have noticed I've left.
In a week or so he will have gone and things will start to get back to normal and I can go back home. I'm really worried now though, more than before, because now he has a son. A son he could stop me seeing (which would kill me, I adore him) if we don't make up. I can't see how I can forgive him. How many times can you forgive someone who says the most awful things about to you, who seems to really believe those things, someone who is meant to love you unconditionally? If it meant the difference between being allowed to see my nephew or not, I guess I would say I forgave him. I would swallow up everything he's made me feel. I'm scared that one day Charley will see how his dad talks to me and think it's normal. I'm worried he will look down on me as much as his father does. If he can say awful things to my face, then God knows what he says behind my back..and if you hear negative things about someone often enough you believe them. I've heard them so much..even I've started to believe them.
That's written really badly but I've got out of the habit of writing about myself in anything more than 140 characters!