Just allow me to clear up the cobwebs.
"It's for the Myspace." - me, giving me valedickhead speech. Yes, I can now quote myself.
or
"wa-wa-wa-WAWAWA!" - My sister and I, making fun of my mother's "whining" using an irritating theme from a slot machine on the cruise ship
or
"Mama? Mama!" - Katie, Derek, Alison, Mindy and I shouting my kitty's call across the base
or
"Katie: Tim?
Tim: What?
Katie: Tim?!
Tim: What?!
Sushi: Meow." - when my gata magically appeared in my house
or
"Tim: Yeah, it was a really sad memoir. Rape sucks.
Mom: You need to keep your . . . your thing out of other things.
Tim: Like . . . wall sockets?
Mom: Wall sockets, toasters, anything." - after I told my mom about reading Alice Sebold's Lucky, her memoir of being raped
Just thinking of how much shit I have to cover is making me nauseous.
No time to dilly-dally with explanations of my absence.
The Chemistry Exam
This is where I left off. My final AP exam of my high school career, and what I considered most important. Knowing the results now, I would like to say that I was confident in my score, but I always feel unsure after those damn AP tests. Unnerving little bastards.
Promenade
I attended with Claire. I wore a green tie to complement her green top . . . I must say we looked pretty fly. Dinner was served at a nice Italian restaurant with amiable conversation about PETA (before my eyes half the table became vegetarian), drugs, Modest Mouse, and all that jazz. Amberyl had the boobs of Eleanor Roosevelt (I don't know if that's a compliment).
Prom itself was less than enjoyable. Far too hot in thar, and my date must've felt positively suffocated by my brilliant dancing skills. Or so I like to think. Anyhow, I was able to stay out on the dance floor for perhaps 10-15 minutes at a time, at which point I had to take an "I don't want to die, please" break in the lobby, panting and sucking down warm Coca-Cola. I didn't see much of Claire; Phil and Kyle didn't make it; I complimented everyone's attire because I am a fucking gentleman; I made small-talk as I know how to hobnob with the rest of high society; I string together long sentences using semicolons.
After this $30 funfest, I eschewed getting drunk and probably lost in favor of going to McDonald's and having Korin buy me a milkshake. By the way, Korin looked positively womanly in her dress. It was a shocking moment for the entire senior class, I think. Alison and Derek cube-competed in McDonald's and we discussed where we could go: we all picked Shawn's house for the Wii and the trampoline. On the way there I pressured Mindy into driving around a roundabout four times, for no other reason than because I can.
It probably wasn't a good idea to jump on the trampoline in my nice clothings. Oh well. After we had jumped to our hearts' collective content (and after Alison and Mindy lamely had to go home), I entertained the troupe of Derek, Korin, Shawn (who kept falling asleep, the ass), Kylie, and Abby with scary stories that I could remember from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. Needless to say, I couldn't remember very much, and my improvisations were where the real comedic gold could be dredged.
Afterwards, I got to play the NINTENDO WII for my first time ever, and Kylie and I reminisced about cool things from Zelda: Ocarina of Time as I played the new Wii game. It was pretty ballin'/bitchin'. Then we entertained ourselves with everyone's favorite MARIO KART DOUBLE DASH including at least 30 rounds of "Baby Park," the course that is just an oval. Yeah, it was tits.
School After AP Exams, but Before Graduation
My memory fails me. I remember doing a lot of labs in Chemistry, getting a shitload of busy work in Literature, and watching movies in Government. A few weeks before graduation came the infamous Holiday Park Physics trip, the summary of which does not need its own headline. We drove there, and Alison attempted to teach me the Rubik's Cube from 3 rows away. We (Alison, Mindy, Shawn, Kylie and I) wandered around in the park and ride all three of their roller coasters, including one which basically raped my neck. We showed up at the free-fall just before Mr. Edwards and such were about to leave with sad faces as the equipment wasn't working properly. I didn't care so much because I just wanted to ride the free-fall for the hell of it. I spent my 5 euros of lunch money getting a super-gangsta picture of all of us plummeting to our doom. Kylie also got a pretty nice picture which features me praying for my life as we ride the log ride, which is available for your viewing pleasure on Myspace. Then after more rides and such, we traveled home, and again Alison tried to teach me the 'Cube, this time sitting next to me (this is similar to our "date" on the swings at Holiday Park, id est very romantic).
What else did we do? I brought Jenga to school a few times to face off against Rachelle, that evil succubus. Yes, she won. STFU.
My final exam project for Calculus involved exploding heads and nickels. As you can see, my efforts at this point were somewhat dwindling.
My final project for Literature involved the character John the Savage from Brave New World choking on batteries. As you can see, my efforts at this point were somewhat plummeting.
I got an A on both. Yeah, sorry about RAPING YOUR FUCKING FACES.
Graduation
About a week before our graduation ceremonies, I and about 7 other colleagues (I say "I" first because I am the best in this case) were called into our principal's office and warned to have a speech ready by that next Wednesday.
The following Tuesday night, approximately 11:59 P.M., I still had written nothing.
Oh, God, even thinking about writing that sucker, knowing it's all over, still makes me sick to my stomach. The weight involved in such a speech, the fact that I had to find some connection with all these kids and their weeping parents. I just wanted to tell them all to fuck off.
Eventually I got some words down and read that the following day, though I was quite tired (I stayed up 'til like 3 to finish the damn thing as much as possible). They seemed to enjoy, smile at all the right parts, etc. I had hit the jackpot!!!!1
Okay, not really, but it was a start. I got Bill (you remember Bill?) to assist me in a rewrite, working in more humor and fleshing out the idea a bit more.
Friday morning I was too sick to eat anything. Senior breakfast did look good, though. On the bus I practiced Rubik's-Cubing with Derek's old Rubik's Cube from like 1994. Graduation practice was boring as hell and quite long; we went through the entire alphabet and had everyone walk across the stage in the practice. This is in addition to the faggish graduation walk . . . "step touch step touch step touch step touch step touch" (oh God that was annoying).
After the rest of the lamers left, the speakers stayed behind to...you know, speak. My compatriots didn't end up changing their speeches much. I thought my changes would go over splendidly (I left out a Myspace gag so I wouldn't have explaining to do), but after I spoke (without a goddamn microphone, just shouting my ass off) my senior advisor came up to me and said, "You made some changes. It's more personal. Graduation speeches typically aren't personal." I left it basically as is, though, because I am tits.
The ceremony redux was exceedingly boring; I kept itching to get the Rubik's Cube under my chair. Plus, I was sick with nervousness due to the neverending choir interlude and my English teacher's equally long speech that directly preceded mine. Oh well. There it went.
Too personal? Decide for yourself. I think it went over well.
After I got my diploma and such (the NHS supervisor lady gave me the NHS cords to borrow for the ceremony even though I hadn't paid for them, and then told me I could keep them because I was valedictorian - SUCKERS!), there was much hugging to go around. I lingered even though my lamer parents wanted to get home so they could go to bed so we could get up at 3 A.M. and drive to Italy.
The "Mediterranean, Touristic Style" Cruise
God, I hate getting up early.
The night before, I finally figured out the last step of the Rubik's Cube, and I kept myself busy on the long car trip down solving the one that Bill got me as an early graduation present. Solving it . . . over and over again. I was beginning to understand the addiction that Alison and Derek exhibited.
Got onto the cruise, did the stupid "muster[d] drill," took a nap, met our friendly Irish tablemates and our servers Ahmet and Dwayne, slept some more . . .
The next day was Dubrovonik, Croatia. I was still tired from the stress of the past week and the uncomfortable car ride down to Italy, so my memories of this place are not too happy. Sure, it was nice-looking. But the mostly uphill walking did a number on my moms, and you have no idea how parched I was until we finally stopped for (flavored) water. And holy shit, we even had to go to church - we walked into a church miles away from the ship at the exact moment it was to begin. I love to sit through church when it isn't in my language. I think I left some trash in there by accident. Oops. Yes, now I remember clearly. It was a flavored water bottle.
Afterward, we finally stopped for food and I ordered a delicious Hawaiian pizza (yeah, not too authentic, but I was starving and didn't want to take any risks). We saw an adorable Croatian kitty begging for food. My sister and my dad went and walked on the famous wall that basically spans the entire city, and I slept on my mother's shoulder waiting for them to return. Then we rode the bus home. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Kusadasi, Turkey the next day. Hot as balls up in them thar mountains. My parents, being the religious nuts they are, booked some tour that stopped by Jesus's mom's house in addition to some ruins of the city Ephesus. Saw more kitties and drank from the fountains that supposedly bring you wealth, love, and happiness (? this is all based off my memory). I guzzled the one for love.
In Ephesus, which was pretty tits, we wandered around with our tour guide visiting the creepily public bathrooms and finding more baby kittens in a bush by there. Then we took a gander at the theater ruins, watched a random live show with fire and snakes, and called it a day.
I think next was our day at sea. I mostly lolled about. My sister and I got bored at 2 A.M. and went to the library to play Connect 4. The nights all run together, but one night my sister and I went gambling and broke about even. The next night my mom came with us and we lost like $50...owned. One late night we went to go find some food and there was a clearly drunk lady arguing with the sweet little Asians behind the counter to put some hamburgers on the grill. Pointing at us, she said "You two want hamburgers, right?" I was stunned silent, but Katie (who was drunk, I think, as she had dropped her fries onto the floor) said "Sure!" Counting, the lady said "That's one, two, three...a dozen. A dozen hamburgers."
I love people.
Another night we met a nice boy for Katie in the "Viking Crown Lounge" (the name alone bleeds high-society). A few nights later we later met his little brother and played miniature golf with the two on the depressingly run-down course. Katie and I creamed them, though. Sucks. We went back up to the lounge that night, and while I made small talk with drunk Irish 30 year olds, they left and made out. I was disappointed in her for corrupting him (he was Mormon).
Next day was Santorini, Greece. My mom and dad wanted to walk up the eight hundred and something steps instead of waiting in line for the cable car or riding the donkeys. Katie and I never let an opportunity to exploit animal labor slip through our fingers - we rode the donkeys. The crazy old Greek man for some reason stuck us both on one donkey (they called for two people, but we figured they meant a group of two). He pulled us along and cursed at us/the donkey and I felt very bad for all the donkey insults I had prepared. My ass wouldn't fit with Katie's in the saddle very well, so I rode the entire way gripping onto her for dear life and she holding her foot contorted so her sandal wouldn't fall off. It was great family fun.
Once we got to the top, we rented a car and drove to a black sand beach, and I rubiksed/fell asleep in the shade. It was nice. We left without eating (my dad loves to save money).
The next day was Corfu, Greece. Another car rented, this time a bright puke-yellow. Drove to another beach, but first had delicious Greek food right on the water and played with more kitties (one was preggers, I think, and her boyfriend looked slightly diseased/retarded, but he was still cute).
Katie and I went swimming for a bit and marveled at the clearness of the water. It was in sore need of some pollution, I think.
The final day at sea involved more nothings. At this point I was the Rubik's Cube master, able to solve it in 89-90 seconds each time. That won't break any records, but it's not bad for Rambo. That night, my sister and I went to look for her dream boy in the Viking Crown Lounge (god, every time I say that I just get more and more elegant). He never showed up, but these guys invited us over to stand around with them and introduced us to the prince of Malaysia, who was very kind to me and bought me all the Rum and Cokes I could want. And then some tequila shots. I was pretty gone, and I ended up getting in a dance-off with some Asian guy. I felt pretty good about my moves until I drunkenly fell over and my sister dragged me off the floor.
We went back to his suite (this is the part that usually ends in bodies being discovered severed into tiny pieces) and gave us champagne. I watched the music television and demanded that they put Michael Jackson on. I think I threw up in his fancy toilet. Sorry about that.
The next day we drove to an air base nearby, where my mother inquired about my binge-drinking habits. I told her I loved her.
Actually, I probably didn't, but I thought it would be pretty poetic and mysterious if I DID say that. I said something more akin to "It's fun, mah," or something similar.
We drove all the long way home the following day.
Assorted After-Cruise Activities
Kyle left a few days after I was to return, so we agreed we had to do something involving alcohol as a proper send-off to the USAFA. Korin had an empty house to herself: perfect setting! Derek, Korin and I set off to get liquor. On the way, we picked up a Rubik's Cube 4x4 (Rubik's Revenge!) for me. We also stopped in at the "Erotic X Megastore" for no other reason than to look at pornography and dildos. I love porn shops. (We tried to convince Korin to get a gigantic vibrator, but to no avail).
It ended up being a fairly intimate gathering including me, Korin, Kyle, Alison, Mindy, Derek, and Mindy's friend Trish. Derek and Korin made jello shots (though Korin basically ate them all, jerkass) and when we got really gone we played drunken Catch Phrase which involved a lot of racial and religious slurs. I found it absolutely hilarious to distract the other team (the girls) by shouting "JEWS!" at every possible moment. Other good ones:
"It's something you walk on..."
me: "MINORITIES!"
"They're kind of like monkeys..."
somebody (I forget): "BLACK PEOPLE!"
Oh man. Derek passed with the Mario Kart controller in his hand and his characters all picked out.
Other things: we went to a hookah bar a few times, ate out at the food court more times than I would like to consider... Derek and Korin spent the night and baked us a cake. It was good; life was good; my parents were gone.
Oh fuck, where is the cat?
The next day Caleb's dad and Caleb came and picked me up bright and early to have some fun over at Claire's house. We played Guitar Hero, watched music television, ate macaroni and cheese, played Uno! and Monopoly, etc. I checked my Facebook idly and saw a message on my Wall from my sister saying that the cat was missing. I called her worried and hoping that she had found the cat, but she was in tears telling me that she couldn't find her anywhere and that I should come home to look for her. Apparently she was outside during a rainstorm and was scared into running away.
I really don't like thinking about this.
The crew (Claire, Hank, Kristina, Caleb) helped me scour the house and then I started getting really sickly worried and began to look outside, calling her little kitty name "Mama!" Katie had to go to work right as we arrived but she looked as if she had been crying. After things dwindled down, I semi-fell asleep crying on my floor (for some reason...I dunno) until the gang came into my room to attempt to cheer me up. It helped somewhat, what with Caleb reading out of my old journals from 4th grade and our "Detective Bob" stories Katie and I wrote.
That night I worked on making flyers and went out into the woods for a while calling her.
Every night I went to bed hoping that when I woke up she'd be there.
But it wasn't that easy. My sister's friend drove me around and helped me put up flyers, and then we took a peek in the woods again. She said she'd come back the following day (she didn't; I don't blame her as I was exceedingly depressed/depressing). Katie and I fretted about looking depressed. I didn't eat anything for three or so days because I was so sick to my stomach.
Derek, Alison, Mindy and Korin came over a few nights later to form a kitty search party. My cry-at-every-little-thing mood had been replaced with a quiet determination to find my kittybitch. We littered the base in flyers, putting up (in total) over 50. Then we searched the woods, dividing up into (lollll) Team A and Team B. I think I was on Team A, but no one else seemed to care about Team names. I personally felt it gave some authenticity to our endeavour. It rained. It rained every day kitty was gone.
Korin and Derek spent the night that night, and we did little things like go to Burger King (it was a Friday, so it was open all night!) which made me feel slightly better. The next morn' we put up more flyers and I tried to motivate the other two for another fun day of kitty-searching, but it appeared that they had given up hope. When Katie came home from work we went out banging cereal bowls and calling "Mama!" It was Saturday night.
Sunday morning: KLJDS;lfjks;dlfj;lsd. I was doing the Rubik's Cube, minding my own business, when Katie called me and I saw that stupid little rat sitting in her arms. She apparently wandered back in sometime during the night, all whole but with a gash on her back and smelling positively rank. Oh joy that is stupid kitties. Oh joy, oh joy.
Assorted Goodies
I called and got my AP scores about a week ago (correction: I called once and I only got back 2 of the 5 exams, so I ended up spending $16. Oh well).
Calculus AB: 5
Chemistry: 5
Government/Politics: 5
Literature/Composition: 5
Physics C: 4
Overall, owned.
I had to say g'bye to Korin, who left to go to the UConn orientation and then decided not to attend the orientation after she arrived in the states (the orientation...or the school, crazy bitch). That was pretty heartbreaking, especially with our last meal of Taco Bell to commemorate all the millions she's spent on me so I would tutor her in Chemistry (she passed the exam, though, so stfu).
I ordered and received my 5x5 Rubik's Cube (Professor's Cube!) so my collection of cubes is basically complete now. The 4x4 and 5x5 aren't really much harder, but they take a shitload longer (especially the 5x5--that's a good 1/2-hour puzzle right there). Speaking of ordering, I ordered my MacBook Pro!! It should be shipping any day now. I also got an iPod 80GB with it as well as a plethora of accessories that are sure to tickle my fancy. Those should be arriving in Germany any day now, or I will shit a brick. Seriously.
I've lost about $4 [net] at the casino under the "diner" (J.R. Rockers), which isn't as bad as Ms. Gambleface herself, Alison, who is single-handedly funding a new addition to the casino with all her losings.
I got randomly trashed with Derek and my sister after everyone else ditched us. We did a bunch of those cute little mini-liquor bottles and then played "King's Cup," which is better with more people. But oh well.
I got randomly trashed (well, not really randomly) with Derek, Alison, Mindy, and my sister on the 4th of July. Go America! We played King's Cup again, and Alison got the first cup, after which she was pretty much gone leaning against me and whimpering softly. But she wouldn't throw up, because she was "amazing!" lolollll. It was supposed to be a slumber-party extraordinaire, but Alison's parents were to return home supposedly quite early the next day so my sister, Derek, and I slept in Derek's car instead. Cue unbelievable uncomfort. They leaned the seats in front all the way down so I was completely smashed in the backseat, so much so that I eventually gave up and sat up for the entire night between the two.
My movers came that next day. I miss all my stuff, and now Katie and I can't have our LOTR party unless someone I know has the 3 extended editions and wants to loan them to me. Every time I look around my room I find more stuff I really should've gotten them to send . . . eh, just more stuff for the suitcases I guess!
Okay, jesus. Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you wanted?
or
"wa-wa-wa-WAWAWA!" - My sister and I, making fun of my mother's "whining" using an irritating theme from a slot machine on the cruise ship
or
"Mama? Mama!" - Katie, Derek, Alison, Mindy and I shouting my kitty's call across the base
or
"Katie: Tim?
Tim: What?
Katie: Tim?!
Tim: What?!
Sushi: Meow." - when my gata magically appeared in my house
or
"Tim: Yeah, it was a really sad memoir. Rape sucks.
Mom: You need to keep your . . . your thing out of other things.
Tim: Like . . . wall sockets?
Mom: Wall sockets, toasters, anything." - after I told my mom about reading Alice Sebold's Lucky, her memoir of being raped
Just thinking of how much shit I have to cover is making me nauseous.
No time to dilly-dally with explanations of my absence.
The Chemistry Exam
This is where I left off. My final AP exam of my high school career, and what I considered most important. Knowing the results now, I would like to say that I was confident in my score, but I always feel unsure after those damn AP tests. Unnerving little bastards.
Promenade
I attended with Claire. I wore a green tie to complement her green top . . . I must say we looked pretty fly. Dinner was served at a nice Italian restaurant with amiable conversation about PETA (before my eyes half the table became vegetarian), drugs, Modest Mouse, and all that jazz. Amberyl had the boobs of Eleanor Roosevelt (I don't know if that's a compliment).
Prom itself was less than enjoyable. Far too hot in thar, and my date must've felt positively suffocated by my brilliant dancing skills. Or so I like to think. Anyhow, I was able to stay out on the dance floor for perhaps 10-15 minutes at a time, at which point I had to take an "I don't want to die, please" break in the lobby, panting and sucking down warm Coca-Cola. I didn't see much of Claire; Phil and Kyle didn't make it; I complimented everyone's attire because I am a fucking gentleman; I made small-talk as I know how to hobnob with the rest of high society; I string together long sentences using semicolons.
After this $30 funfest, I eschewed getting drunk and probably lost in favor of going to McDonald's and having Korin buy me a milkshake. By the way, Korin looked positively womanly in her dress. It was a shocking moment for the entire senior class, I think. Alison and Derek cube-competed in McDonald's and we discussed where we could go: we all picked Shawn's house for the Wii and the trampoline. On the way there I pressured Mindy into driving around a roundabout four times, for no other reason than because I can.
It probably wasn't a good idea to jump on the trampoline in my nice clothings. Oh well. After we had jumped to our hearts' collective content (and after Alison and Mindy lamely had to go home), I entertained the troupe of Derek, Korin, Shawn (who kept falling asleep, the ass), Kylie, and Abby with scary stories that I could remember from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. Needless to say, I couldn't remember very much, and my improvisations were where the real comedic gold could be dredged.
Afterwards, I got to play the NINTENDO WII for my first time ever, and Kylie and I reminisced about cool things from Zelda: Ocarina of Time as I played the new Wii game. It was pretty ballin'/bitchin'. Then we entertained ourselves with everyone's favorite MARIO KART DOUBLE DASH including at least 30 rounds of "Baby Park," the course that is just an oval. Yeah, it was tits.
School After AP Exams, but Before Graduation
My memory fails me. I remember doing a lot of labs in Chemistry, getting a shitload of busy work in Literature, and watching movies in Government. A few weeks before graduation came the infamous Holiday Park Physics trip, the summary of which does not need its own headline. We drove there, and Alison attempted to teach me the Rubik's Cube from 3 rows away. We (Alison, Mindy, Shawn, Kylie and I) wandered around in the park and ride all three of their roller coasters, including one which basically raped my neck. We showed up at the free-fall just before Mr. Edwards and such were about to leave with sad faces as the equipment wasn't working properly. I didn't care so much because I just wanted to ride the free-fall for the hell of it. I spent my 5 euros of lunch money getting a super-gangsta picture of all of us plummeting to our doom. Kylie also got a pretty nice picture which features me praying for my life as we ride the log ride, which is available for your viewing pleasure on Myspace. Then after more rides and such, we traveled home, and again Alison tried to teach me the 'Cube, this time sitting next to me (this is similar to our "date" on the swings at Holiday Park, id est very romantic).
What else did we do? I brought Jenga to school a few times to face off against Rachelle, that evil succubus. Yes, she won. STFU.
My final exam project for Calculus involved exploding heads and nickels. As you can see, my efforts at this point were somewhat dwindling.
My final project for Literature involved the character John the Savage from Brave New World choking on batteries. As you can see, my efforts at this point were somewhat plummeting.
I got an A on both. Yeah, sorry about RAPING YOUR FUCKING FACES.
Graduation
About a week before our graduation ceremonies, I and about 7 other colleagues (I say "I" first because I am the best in this case) were called into our principal's office and warned to have a speech ready by that next Wednesday.
The following Tuesday night, approximately 11:59 P.M., I still had written nothing.
Oh, God, even thinking about writing that sucker, knowing it's all over, still makes me sick to my stomach. The weight involved in such a speech, the fact that I had to find some connection with all these kids and their weeping parents. I just wanted to tell them all to fuck off.
Eventually I got some words down and read that the following day, though I was quite tired (I stayed up 'til like 3 to finish the damn thing as much as possible). They seemed to enjoy, smile at all the right parts, etc. I had hit the jackpot!!!!1
Okay, not really, but it was a start. I got Bill (you remember Bill?) to assist me in a rewrite, working in more humor and fleshing out the idea a bit more.
Friday morning I was too sick to eat anything. Senior breakfast did look good, though. On the bus I practiced Rubik's-Cubing with Derek's old Rubik's Cube from like 1994. Graduation practice was boring as hell and quite long; we went through the entire alphabet and had everyone walk across the stage in the practice. This is in addition to the faggish graduation walk . . . "step touch step touch step touch step touch step touch" (oh God that was annoying).
After the rest of the lamers left, the speakers stayed behind to...you know, speak. My compatriots didn't end up changing their speeches much. I thought my changes would go over splendidly (I left out a Myspace gag so I wouldn't have explaining to do), but after I spoke (without a goddamn microphone, just shouting my ass off) my senior advisor came up to me and said, "You made some changes. It's more personal. Graduation speeches typically aren't personal." I left it basically as is, though, because I am tits.
The ceremony redux was exceedingly boring; I kept itching to get the Rubik's Cube under my chair. Plus, I was sick with nervousness due to the neverending choir interlude and my English teacher's equally long speech that directly preceded mine. Oh well. There it went.
Too personal? Decide for yourself. I think it went over well.
After I got my diploma and such (the NHS supervisor lady gave me the NHS cords to borrow for the ceremony even though I hadn't paid for them, and then told me I could keep them because I was valedictorian - SUCKERS!), there was much hugging to go around. I lingered even though my lamer parents wanted to get home so they could go to bed so we could get up at 3 A.M. and drive to Italy.
The "Mediterranean, Touristic Style" Cruise
God, I hate getting up early.
The night before, I finally figured out the last step of the Rubik's Cube, and I kept myself busy on the long car trip down solving the one that Bill got me as an early graduation present. Solving it . . . over and over again. I was beginning to understand the addiction that Alison and Derek exhibited.
Got onto the cruise, did the stupid "muster[d] drill," took a nap, met our friendly Irish tablemates and our servers Ahmet and Dwayne, slept some more . . .
The next day was Dubrovonik, Croatia. I was still tired from the stress of the past week and the uncomfortable car ride down to Italy, so my memories of this place are not too happy. Sure, it was nice-looking. But the mostly uphill walking did a number on my moms, and you have no idea how parched I was until we finally stopped for (flavored) water. And holy shit, we even had to go to church - we walked into a church miles away from the ship at the exact moment it was to begin. I love to sit through church when it isn't in my language. I think I left some trash in there by accident. Oops. Yes, now I remember clearly. It was a flavored water bottle.
Afterward, we finally stopped for food and I ordered a delicious Hawaiian pizza (yeah, not too authentic, but I was starving and didn't want to take any risks). We saw an adorable Croatian kitty begging for food. My sister and my dad went and walked on the famous wall that basically spans the entire city, and I slept on my mother's shoulder waiting for them to return. Then we rode the bus home. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Kusadasi, Turkey the next day. Hot as balls up in them thar mountains. My parents, being the religious nuts they are, booked some tour that stopped by Jesus's mom's house in addition to some ruins of the city Ephesus. Saw more kitties and drank from the fountains that supposedly bring you wealth, love, and happiness (? this is all based off my memory). I guzzled the one for love.
In Ephesus, which was pretty tits, we wandered around with our tour guide visiting the creepily public bathrooms and finding more baby kittens in a bush by there. Then we took a gander at the theater ruins, watched a random live show with fire and snakes, and called it a day.
I think next was our day at sea. I mostly lolled about. My sister and I got bored at 2 A.M. and went to the library to play Connect 4. The nights all run together, but one night my sister and I went gambling and broke about even. The next night my mom came with us and we lost like $50...owned. One late night we went to go find some food and there was a clearly drunk lady arguing with the sweet little Asians behind the counter to put some hamburgers on the grill. Pointing at us, she said "You two want hamburgers, right?" I was stunned silent, but Katie (who was drunk, I think, as she had dropped her fries onto the floor) said "Sure!" Counting, the lady said "That's one, two, three...a dozen. A dozen hamburgers."
I love people.
Another night we met a nice boy for Katie in the "Viking Crown Lounge" (the name alone bleeds high-society). A few nights later we later met his little brother and played miniature golf with the two on the depressingly run-down course. Katie and I creamed them, though. Sucks. We went back up to the lounge that night, and while I made small talk with drunk Irish 30 year olds, they left and made out. I was disappointed in her for corrupting him (he was Mormon).
Next day was Santorini, Greece. My mom and dad wanted to walk up the eight hundred and something steps instead of waiting in line for the cable car or riding the donkeys. Katie and I never let an opportunity to exploit animal labor slip through our fingers - we rode the donkeys. The crazy old Greek man for some reason stuck us both on one donkey (they called for two people, but we figured they meant a group of two). He pulled us along and cursed at us/the donkey and I felt very bad for all the donkey insults I had prepared. My ass wouldn't fit with Katie's in the saddle very well, so I rode the entire way gripping onto her for dear life and she holding her foot contorted so her sandal wouldn't fall off. It was great family fun.
Once we got to the top, we rented a car and drove to a black sand beach, and I rubiksed/fell asleep in the shade. It was nice. We left without eating (my dad loves to save money).
The next day was Corfu, Greece. Another car rented, this time a bright puke-yellow. Drove to another beach, but first had delicious Greek food right on the water and played with more kitties (one was preggers, I think, and her boyfriend looked slightly diseased/retarded, but he was still cute).
Katie and I went swimming for a bit and marveled at the clearness of the water. It was in sore need of some pollution, I think.
The final day at sea involved more nothings. At this point I was the Rubik's Cube master, able to solve it in 89-90 seconds each time. That won't break any records, but it's not bad for Rambo. That night, my sister and I went to look for her dream boy in the Viking Crown Lounge (god, every time I say that I just get more and more elegant). He never showed up, but these guys invited us over to stand around with them and introduced us to the prince of Malaysia, who was very kind to me and bought me all the Rum and Cokes I could want. And then some tequila shots. I was pretty gone, and I ended up getting in a dance-off with some Asian guy. I felt pretty good about my moves until I drunkenly fell over and my sister dragged me off the floor.
We went back to his suite (this is the part that usually ends in bodies being discovered severed into tiny pieces) and gave us champagne. I watched the music television and demanded that they put Michael Jackson on. I think I threw up in his fancy toilet. Sorry about that.
The next day we drove to an air base nearby, where my mother inquired about my binge-drinking habits. I told her I loved her.
Actually, I probably didn't, but I thought it would be pretty poetic and mysterious if I DID say that. I said something more akin to "It's fun, mah," or something similar.
We drove all the long way home the following day.
Assorted After-Cruise Activities
Kyle left a few days after I was to return, so we agreed we had to do something involving alcohol as a proper send-off to the USAFA. Korin had an empty house to herself: perfect setting! Derek, Korin and I set off to get liquor. On the way, we picked up a Rubik's Cube 4x4 (Rubik's Revenge!) for me. We also stopped in at the "Erotic X Megastore" for no other reason than to look at pornography and dildos. I love porn shops. (We tried to convince Korin to get a gigantic vibrator, but to no avail).
It ended up being a fairly intimate gathering including me, Korin, Kyle, Alison, Mindy, Derek, and Mindy's friend Trish. Derek and Korin made jello shots (though Korin basically ate them all, jerkass) and when we got really gone we played drunken Catch Phrase which involved a lot of racial and religious slurs. I found it absolutely hilarious to distract the other team (the girls) by shouting "JEWS!" at every possible moment. Other good ones:
"It's something you walk on..."
me: "MINORITIES!"
"They're kind of like monkeys..."
somebody (I forget): "BLACK PEOPLE!"
Oh man. Derek passed with the Mario Kart controller in his hand and his characters all picked out.
Other things: we went to a hookah bar a few times, ate out at the food court more times than I would like to consider... Derek and Korin spent the night and baked us a cake. It was good; life was good; my parents were gone.
Oh fuck, where is the cat?
The next day Caleb's dad and Caleb came and picked me up bright and early to have some fun over at Claire's house. We played Guitar Hero, watched music television, ate macaroni and cheese, played Uno! and Monopoly, etc. I checked my Facebook idly and saw a message on my Wall from my sister saying that the cat was missing. I called her worried and hoping that she had found the cat, but she was in tears telling me that she couldn't find her anywhere and that I should come home to look for her. Apparently she was outside during a rainstorm and was scared into running away.
I really don't like thinking about this.
The crew (Claire, Hank, Kristina, Caleb) helped me scour the house and then I started getting really sickly worried and began to look outside, calling her little kitty name "Mama!" Katie had to go to work right as we arrived but she looked as if she had been crying. After things dwindled down, I semi-fell asleep crying on my floor (for some reason...I dunno) until the gang came into my room to attempt to cheer me up. It helped somewhat, what with Caleb reading out of my old journals from 4th grade and our "Detective Bob" stories Katie and I wrote.
That night I worked on making flyers and went out into the woods for a while calling her.
Every night I went to bed hoping that when I woke up she'd be there.
But it wasn't that easy. My sister's friend drove me around and helped me put up flyers, and then we took a peek in the woods again. She said she'd come back the following day (she didn't; I don't blame her as I was exceedingly depressed/depressing). Katie and I fretted about looking depressed. I didn't eat anything for three or so days because I was so sick to my stomach.
Derek, Alison, Mindy and Korin came over a few nights later to form a kitty search party. My cry-at-every-little-thing mood had been replaced with a quiet determination to find my kittybitch. We littered the base in flyers, putting up (in total) over 50. Then we searched the woods, dividing up into (lollll) Team A and Team B. I think I was on Team A, but no one else seemed to care about Team names. I personally felt it gave some authenticity to our endeavour. It rained. It rained every day kitty was gone.
Korin and Derek spent the night that night, and we did little things like go to Burger King (it was a Friday, so it was open all night!) which made me feel slightly better. The next morn' we put up more flyers and I tried to motivate the other two for another fun day of kitty-searching, but it appeared that they had given up hope. When Katie came home from work we went out banging cereal bowls and calling "Mama!" It was Saturday night.
Sunday morning: KLJDS;lfjks;dlfj;lsd. I was doing the Rubik's Cube, minding my own business, when Katie called me and I saw that stupid little rat sitting in her arms. She apparently wandered back in sometime during the night, all whole but with a gash on her back and smelling positively rank. Oh joy that is stupid kitties. Oh joy, oh joy.
Assorted Goodies
I called and got my AP scores about a week ago (correction: I called once and I only got back 2 of the 5 exams, so I ended up spending $16. Oh well).
Calculus AB: 5
Chemistry: 5
Government/Politics: 5
Literature/Composition: 5
Physics C: 4
Overall, owned.
I had to say g'bye to Korin, who left to go to the UConn orientation and then decided not to attend the orientation after she arrived in the states (the orientation...or the school, crazy bitch). That was pretty heartbreaking, especially with our last meal of Taco Bell to commemorate all the millions she's spent on me so I would tutor her in Chemistry (she passed the exam, though, so stfu).
I ordered and received my 5x5 Rubik's Cube (Professor's Cube!) so my collection of cubes is basically complete now. The 4x4 and 5x5 aren't really much harder, but they take a shitload longer (especially the 5x5--that's a good 1/2-hour puzzle right there). Speaking of ordering, I ordered my MacBook Pro!! It should be shipping any day now. I also got an iPod 80GB with it as well as a plethora of accessories that are sure to tickle my fancy. Those should be arriving in Germany any day now, or I will shit a brick. Seriously.
I've lost about $4 [net] at the casino under the "diner" (J.R. Rockers), which isn't as bad as Ms. Gambleface herself, Alison, who is single-handedly funding a new addition to the casino with all her losings.
I got randomly trashed with Derek and my sister after everyone else ditched us. We did a bunch of those cute little mini-liquor bottles and then played "King's Cup," which is better with more people. But oh well.
I got randomly trashed (well, not really randomly) with Derek, Alison, Mindy, and my sister on the 4th of July. Go America! We played King's Cup again, and Alison got the first cup, after which she was pretty much gone leaning against me and whimpering softly. But she wouldn't throw up, because she was "amazing!" lolollll. It was supposed to be a slumber-party extraordinaire, but Alison's parents were to return home supposedly quite early the next day so my sister, Derek, and I slept in Derek's car instead. Cue unbelievable uncomfort. They leaned the seats in front all the way down so I was completely smashed in the backseat, so much so that I eventually gave up and sat up for the entire night between the two.
My movers came that next day. I miss all my stuff, and now Katie and I can't have our LOTR party unless someone I know has the 3 extended editions and wants to loan them to me. Every time I look around my room I find more stuff I really should've gotten them to send . . . eh, just more stuff for the suitcases I guess!
Okay, jesus. Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you wanted?