Boy, is it ever Monday.
"I have 60 euro. Let's just buy a ton of food and eat until we vomit all over each other. Don't you love me?" - my mother
Well, hey there. I've dusted the cobwebs off my Semagic application and now intend to type out some partially coherent bullshit just for you, the ever-faithful reader.
Where to begin. Where the fuck did I leave off? Thanksgiving?
We moved to a new house down the street, just before Thanksgiving. My room has been noticeably downsized. It's like I took those penis-enlargement pills, only they backfired. However, everyone knows that I need no such pills. Especially Andrea. Or, she will know. Trust me, she will.
Did I mention that my grandmother came and stayed with us for like 2 months straight? This includes a nice two-week stretch when my parents (and the fucking aide, too) left. I could have been walking around the house completely nude whilst sipping on some Don Perignon. But no, instead I chatted up a storm about silly things like politics and bananas (yes, seriously, bananas) with my grandmother. Actually, she was quite tolerable this time around. I was pleasantly surprised that I wasn't being reprimanded for something-or-other.
I finished applying to collidges over Thanksgiving break. Good to have that all out of the way. I got a little whacky with a few of the essays, but who is to say that college admissions staff members don't dig whacky? Or wild? Wild and crazy? Eh, they probably don't. Good thing I anally raped CollegeBoard on those fucking SATs. My one saving grace is that I am fairly skilled at filling in ovals in patterns which please our computer scanning overlords.
What the fuck is Don Perignon, by the way? I can't believe I even spelled that right. I am so completely brainwashed by the lack of media which exists here. It was probably on some shitty AFN commercial.
So, my sister came a few days before my birthday. She's leaving in a few hours. Damn. We didn't even get to watch Lord of the Rings (we keep meaning to have a LOTR party complete where we just eat popcorn and watch all three extended editions in a row, probably gaining about 3-5 lbs. in the process). She slept a lot. I didn't see a whole lot of her.
Speaking of fucking sleep, I can't. Not for more than 6 hours, anyway. It's been driving me absolutely up the wall, but ever since we moved to the new house I keep waking up at bullshit hours like 4:30 A.M. and not being able to fall asleep again. I'll go to bed at around 2 A.M., get up randomly at 6, and then fall asleep again until hopefully 8 or so. Then I am up for the day and feel like donkey shit. I keep passing out on my bed in the afternoon. I was planning on being so rested over this winter break (and seriously, I have not done shit), but alas, that doesn't work out as I planned it.
I got a few little things for my birthday, as well as the promise of a new pair of hot Puma shoes. We scoured the European countryside, checking every fucking shoe store from west Germany to east France, but could not find a suitable pair in my size (I wear a 46 in Eurosizes...I love how you can add the prefix Euro- to anything and make it sound kind of backwards but at the same time hip. Euromarket. Eurorail. Eurovision. Eurospoon). A few days ago I checked eBay and found my size in approximately thirty seconds (I really should have thought of that earlier). I ordered myself a pair for like $50 less, too. Good deal. Good deal.
I currently have above 100% in:
AP Calculus AB
AP Physics C
AP Chemistry
Suck on that, you dirty jews.
Oh, yeah. Phil and I shaved our heads for no real reason. See the beautiful images here. And you can see the result of my sexy semi-baldness by clicking there (and by there I really mean here). Phil said he really wants his hair back, but I am seriously digging my lack of hairness. It's been quite convenient and marvelous, actually. So easy to wash. Nothing to comb. Notihng in my eyes. And fun as hell to pet, of course.
Phil and I have been bowling a lot recently. I hate fucking bowling because I suck dick at it. I either get strikes or gutter balls. What a random-ass sport. Pool, on the other hand, is much more fun. We've been playing a lot of that good ol' billiards game too. We've also seen a ton of movies. I personally adored Apocalypto, although Phil didn't like it at all. Oh, what does he know.
I went to a party a few weeks ago. My sister tagged along and we played Kyle and Phil in a few rounds of beer pong. We lost miserably. It was kind of fun. There was also a kid with a beer bottle stuck in his ass and other crazy teenage shit. Then people started taking off their shirts. I retained enough lucidity to keep my clothes on, but I think I got fairly smashed. I am such a teenage rebel.
For the love of Christ, my room is currently freezing.
Christmas was a'ight. My sister and I went to the BX and got my mom all kinds of boring mom-type stuff. I received a fly Puma jacket which matches my fly Puma shoes which I don't actually own yet. I also got the promise of an iPod nano so I could get into shape via Nike+iPod. I was going to get the cheapo 2GB doo-hickie as a compliment to Mr. Weirdo, the ol' workhorse 15GB 3G I've had for over two years. But in a fluke of perfect timing and shoddy AAFES restocking, they only had 4GB and 8GB models. The guy talked me into the 8GB model in approximately 3 seconds. They only come in black, so I have dubbed my new iPod nano "Denephew." (It's a silly black-person joke that I heard many moons ago; I'll tell it to you later if you really want to hear it.) 8GB comfortably holds my entire music library and over 1000 photos with more than a GB of room to grow on. I'm quite content. (And now I can look at all my pretty album artwork that I spent 3959349 fucking hours gathering for each and every song.)
New Year's gets my vote for worst holiday ever. Such a letdown. My sister and I just watched The Hills Have Eyes after we saw Spaniards stuff their faces full of grapes on our Spanish channel. [The night before, Phil, Katie and I watched Pulse, which was completely retarded and not scary. Then Phil and I watched Open Water, which was completely retarded, not scary, and acted as if it were some sort of pornography film, which would be all right except there was not any sex and very little shark-biting action (which is basically like sex).]
We went to Berlin over the past couple days. Most of the trip was actually spent driving to and from the city. So silly. At least I had a brand-spanking-new Denephew to entertain me (I didn't even have to recharge the goddamn thing and I listened for like 7 hours straight, twice). We ate some Dunkin Donuts. I drank Foster's Australian beer which I discovered tastes like warm piss. We walked through a few museums about the Berlin Wall and then we got a superprivate tour of the Reichstag. Earlier today, we had to go to yet another museum filled with exceedingly boring Byzantine art, which is complete and utter shit. And it's not even trying to be shitty like modern art, which is respectable because modern art realizes that it sucks and that is half the fun. It just sucks. Without even really realizing it. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost. Katie and I passed the time by making rap songs out of our audio tour guides. She told me to listen to #226, which began "This relief once adorned the timpanum above a door" and then repeatedly played that over and over again. After a while, it begins to sound like music. Then we realized that hers sounded far different due to some sort of error in her audio guide: "This relief, once the timpf the timpanum above a door..."
Hahhaha, the timpf the timpanum. Classico. We also made fun of all the different styles of Virgin Mary: Downs Syndrome, snooty English woman, gigantic forehead, etc.
All right, that about sums everything up. Are you fucking happy now? Leave me be.
lub jews
Well, hey there. I've dusted the cobwebs off my Semagic application and now intend to type out some partially coherent bullshit just for you, the ever-faithful reader.
Where to begin. Where the fuck did I leave off? Thanksgiving?
We moved to a new house down the street, just before Thanksgiving. My room has been noticeably downsized. It's like I took those penis-enlargement pills, only they backfired. However, everyone knows that I need no such pills. Especially Andrea. Or, she will know. Trust me, she will.
Did I mention that my grandmother came and stayed with us for like 2 months straight? This includes a nice two-week stretch when my parents (and the fucking aide, too) left. I could have been walking around the house completely nude whilst sipping on some Don Perignon. But no, instead I chatted up a storm about silly things like politics and bananas (yes, seriously, bananas) with my grandmother. Actually, she was quite tolerable this time around. I was pleasantly surprised that I wasn't being reprimanded for something-or-other.
I finished applying to collidges over Thanksgiving break. Good to have that all out of the way. I got a little whacky with a few of the essays, but who is to say that college admissions staff members don't dig whacky? Or wild? Wild and crazy? Eh, they probably don't. Good thing I anally raped CollegeBoard on those fucking SATs. My one saving grace is that I am fairly skilled at filling in ovals in patterns which please our computer scanning overlords.
What the fuck is Don Perignon, by the way? I can't believe I even spelled that right. I am so completely brainwashed by the lack of media which exists here. It was probably on some shitty AFN commercial.
So, my sister came a few days before my birthday. She's leaving in a few hours. Damn. We didn't even get to watch Lord of the Rings (we keep meaning to have a LOTR party complete where we just eat popcorn and watch all three extended editions in a row, probably gaining about 3-5 lbs. in the process). She slept a lot. I didn't see a whole lot of her.
Speaking of fucking sleep, I can't. Not for more than 6 hours, anyway. It's been driving me absolutely up the wall, but ever since we moved to the new house I keep waking up at bullshit hours like 4:30 A.M. and not being able to fall asleep again. I'll go to bed at around 2 A.M., get up randomly at 6, and then fall asleep again until hopefully 8 or so. Then I am up for the day and feel like donkey shit. I keep passing out on my bed in the afternoon. I was planning on being so rested over this winter break (and seriously, I have not done shit), but alas, that doesn't work out as I planned it.
I got a few little things for my birthday, as well as the promise of a new pair of hot Puma shoes. We scoured the European countryside, checking every fucking shoe store from west Germany to east France, but could not find a suitable pair in my size (I wear a 46 in Eurosizes...I love how you can add the prefix Euro- to anything and make it sound kind of backwards but at the same time hip. Euromarket. Eurorail. Eurovision. Eurospoon). A few days ago I checked eBay and found my size in approximately thirty seconds (I really should have thought of that earlier). I ordered myself a pair for like $50 less, too. Good deal. Good deal.
I currently have above 100% in:
AP Calculus AB
AP Physics C
AP Chemistry
Suck on that, you dirty jews.
Oh, yeah. Phil and I shaved our heads for no real reason. See the beautiful images here. And you can see the result of my sexy semi-baldness by clicking there (and by there I really mean here). Phil said he really wants his hair back, but I am seriously digging my lack of hairness. It's been quite convenient and marvelous, actually. So easy to wash. Nothing to comb. Notihng in my eyes. And fun as hell to pet, of course.
Phil and I have been bowling a lot recently. I hate fucking bowling because I suck dick at it. I either get strikes or gutter balls. What a random-ass sport. Pool, on the other hand, is much more fun. We've been playing a lot of that good ol' billiards game too. We've also seen a ton of movies. I personally adored Apocalypto, although Phil didn't like it at all. Oh, what does he know.
I went to a party a few weeks ago. My sister tagged along and we played Kyle and Phil in a few rounds of beer pong. We lost miserably. It was kind of fun. There was also a kid with a beer bottle stuck in his ass and other crazy teenage shit. Then people started taking off their shirts. I retained enough lucidity to keep my clothes on, but I think I got fairly smashed. I am such a teenage rebel.
For the love of Christ, my room is currently freezing.
Christmas was a'ight. My sister and I went to the BX and got my mom all kinds of boring mom-type stuff. I received a fly Puma jacket which matches my fly Puma shoes which I don't actually own yet. I also got the promise of an iPod nano so I could get into shape via Nike+iPod. I was going to get the cheapo 2GB doo-hickie as a compliment to Mr. Weirdo, the ol' workhorse 15GB 3G I've had for over two years. But in a fluke of perfect timing and shoddy AAFES restocking, they only had 4GB and 8GB models. The guy talked me into the 8GB model in approximately 3 seconds. They only come in black, so I have dubbed my new iPod nano "Denephew." (It's a silly black-person joke that I heard many moons ago; I'll tell it to you later if you really want to hear it.) 8GB comfortably holds my entire music library and over 1000 photos with more than a GB of room to grow on. I'm quite content. (And now I can look at all my pretty album artwork that I spent 3959349 fucking hours gathering for each and every song.)
New Year's gets my vote for worst holiday ever. Such a letdown. My sister and I just watched The Hills Have Eyes after we saw Spaniards stuff their faces full of grapes on our Spanish channel. [The night before, Phil, Katie and I watched Pulse, which was completely retarded and not scary. Then Phil and I watched Open Water, which was completely retarded, not scary, and acted as if it were some sort of pornography film, which would be all right except there was not any sex and very little shark-biting action (which is basically like sex).]
We went to Berlin over the past couple days. Most of the trip was actually spent driving to and from the city. So silly. At least I had a brand-spanking-new Denephew to entertain me (I didn't even have to recharge the goddamn thing and I listened for like 7 hours straight, twice). We ate some Dunkin Donuts. I drank Foster's Australian beer which I discovered tastes like warm piss. We walked through a few museums about the Berlin Wall and then we got a superprivate tour of the Reichstag. Earlier today, we had to go to yet another museum filled with exceedingly boring Byzantine art, which is complete and utter shit. And it's not even trying to be shitty like modern art, which is respectable because modern art realizes that it sucks and that is half the fun. It just sucks. Without even really realizing it. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost. Katie and I passed the time by making rap songs out of our audio tour guides. She told me to listen to #226, which began "This relief once adorned the timpanum above a door" and then repeatedly played that over and over again. After a while, it begins to sound like music. Then we realized that hers sounded far different due to some sort of error in her audio guide: "This relief, once the timpf the timpanum above a door..."
Hahhaha, the timpf the timpanum. Classico. We also made fun of all the different styles of Virgin Mary: Downs Syndrome, snooty English woman, gigantic forehead, etc.
All right, that about sums everything up. Are you fucking happy now? Leave me be.
lub jews