red lights mean you're leavin'...

Sep 19, 2005 02:23

motivation should come in some sort of tangible form. man alive, i hate that feeling of being insanely tired constantly, but having the urge to Do something more than lie about all day.
with a doctor's appointment in the cities at 8-30 in the morn (What would i do without prepositional phrases?) one would think i should sleep now as we'll have to leave at 7. stupid mass amounts of people commuting to work...
i was considering why i even kept a journal here as i signed in... i mean, i've written like, 5 entries over the course of a little less than two years. silliness. i think it must be my tendancy to never whole-heartedly commit myself to one forum of writing... just like the oodles of notebooks, legal pads, scraps of paper in every nook & cranny of my life with blips of stories or ideas. this is just another place i randomly doodle. it may prove to preserve longer than the rest of it.
so i'm improving drastically with the left-hand typing only... i will persist until i can go as quickly as i can with both hands. it is amazing how much your body is capable of adaptation and rehabilitation without even thinking about. i can feel that my arm is healing by leaps and bounds a day and meanwhile, there's not much i can't do with only the left. i gave pat a haircut today... a mohawk- i felt like crying with jealousy... but it looked so splendid!
dam days was this weekend... what a total bust. the town was deserted, with a couple of food trucks and bars lining main street with welcoming doors wide to the weary world. no carnival folk= pointless town celebration.
i fall in love with everyone i see, seriously, no okkervil river-dropping intended. i don't know if it's simply due to my current hibernation-like state of lonliness that makes my spontaneous encounters with men have more impact on me than normal or if i'm suddenly finding an abundance of guys who are potentially perfect for me at a transitional time in my life when i would inevitably feel insecure.
... which has also been perplexing me. i don't mind not having hair- it's conveinient and i actually like it a lot. however, there's this thought in my mind that a guy woud ask a girl out who was simply beautiful before he asked out a girl who was bald but had read all his favorite books or had compatible music taste. perhaps i'm making a harsh generalization on the male populous; i'll put it aside as a fear. i still have feminine whiles that no chemo can diminish... i just haven't utilized them in awhile and i'm getting to feel like i'm always going to be alone and desperately, secretly in love with too many people.
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