The flu looms...
This flu is kicking my ass. It's still being fought off by my husband. He's 3 weeks into it. For a person who never gets sick just about, the fact it's taking him this long to kick it really says something. Everytime I hear someone sick it's this dan flu. It's a really nasty one. I wish it would go away I want to go and see 2 of my friend's new babies!
No way am I going sick as a dog to see them though. I don't want to make anyone else sick with this! All appointments and groups had to be rescheduled this week. So I missed counselling any my pdoc and art therapy tomorrow. I have to call Toronto and let her know I am sick and will not be there. I hope that this goes away soon because I need to get back into the swing of things.
I have a routine schedule thing I made and posted in my journal. Hubby had a look adn said ok but no way while we're still sick because we're both such write offs. I agree. So I hope that soon we are both better and can do it. All I am doing is sleeping. I a up a couple hours and I get exhausted again. If a fever kicks in my energy is gone within minuts. I just got everything crossed that this goes away soon because it's really kicking my ass and hubby's too. I am worried more about him because he's now hardly sleeping. He doesn't get much sleep regularly but now he's getting even less than 4 or 5 hours he was getting, as broken as it was. So going to ask the nurse practitioner to refer him to the sleep clinic and get a sleep study done so we can figure this mess our before he starts school.
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I worked a tiny bit on my book last night before bed. I was watching Shattered and some stuff in the episode triggered some memories so I wrote them in the book.
I am going to have to put a warning for disturbing content as it discusses the abuse and stuff. I think people should read it but just be warned so maybe they have something light to read and go back and fourth or do something uplifting and stuff after reading the hard bits. My life has been really fucked up and hard so the book on my life reflects that and tells the story.
I am a bit sad that there's so much shit that has happend. When it's there in black and white it's like oh wow, I didn't realize it was that bad when going through it. I never called myself abused as a child apart from the sexual stuff until I was in my early 20's. When I reflected back on just how bad it was and had to place that label it tore me up inside. Yet it begs the question, Why should I be ashamed or feel guilty? I was a friggin child. These were adults and kids in my life that made my life HELL and they deserve to know what they did and the story be told. No one wanted to care or listen that I trusted as I grew up. So I prayed and constantly chanted "Wait until i'm 18. I'm going to leave this house and never look back! Then no one will hurt me!"
Well sure enough I was gone shortly after I turned 19. I remember being 18 and being so upset that I was still stuck and couldn't leave home yet because I was still in high school. I was finishing high school, but I was still unable to support myself. Little did I know that I could have gotten welfare to help me. Oh well, live and let learn. Atleast I did get out not much after I turned 19 and went off to university. I just wish that university had worked out to plan. Then I wouldn't have to worry about money so much in the future. As it stands right now I am screwed but satleast I have disability, but if I knew I had a self sustining job like lawyer I would start a practice and be set. Sadly, now I still have yet to go back to school *sigh* I want to be a counsellor now though so going to try and make that work. We'll see.
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Anyhoo it's late so I had better get to bed. Need the rest.
No way am I going sick as a dog to see them though. I don't want to make anyone else sick with this! All appointments and groups had to be rescheduled this week. So I missed counselling any my pdoc and art therapy tomorrow. I have to call Toronto and let her know I am sick and will not be there. I hope that this goes away soon because I need to get back into the swing of things.
I have a routine schedule thing I made and posted in my journal. Hubby had a look adn said ok but no way while we're still sick because we're both such write offs. I agree. So I hope that soon we are both better and can do it. All I am doing is sleeping. I a up a couple hours and I get exhausted again. If a fever kicks in my energy is gone within minuts. I just got everything crossed that this goes away soon because it's really kicking my ass and hubby's too. I am worried more about him because he's now hardly sleeping. He doesn't get much sleep regularly but now he's getting even less than 4 or 5 hours he was getting, as broken as it was. So going to ask the nurse practitioner to refer him to the sleep clinic and get a sleep study done so we can figure this mess our before he starts school.
--------------
I worked a tiny bit on my book last night before bed. I was watching Shattered and some stuff in the episode triggered some memories so I wrote them in the book.
I am going to have to put a warning for disturbing content as it discusses the abuse and stuff. I think people should read it but just be warned so maybe they have something light to read and go back and fourth or do something uplifting and stuff after reading the hard bits. My life has been really fucked up and hard so the book on my life reflects that and tells the story.
I am a bit sad that there's so much shit that has happend. When it's there in black and white it's like oh wow, I didn't realize it was that bad when going through it. I never called myself abused as a child apart from the sexual stuff until I was in my early 20's. When I reflected back on just how bad it was and had to place that label it tore me up inside. Yet it begs the question, Why should I be ashamed or feel guilty? I was a friggin child. These were adults and kids in my life that made my life HELL and they deserve to know what they did and the story be told. No one wanted to care or listen that I trusted as I grew up. So I prayed and constantly chanted "Wait until i'm 18. I'm going to leave this house and never look back! Then no one will hurt me!"
Well sure enough I was gone shortly after I turned 19. I remember being 18 and being so upset that I was still stuck and couldn't leave home yet because I was still in high school. I was finishing high school, but I was still unable to support myself. Little did I know that I could have gotten welfare to help me. Oh well, live and let learn. Atleast I did get out not much after I turned 19 and went off to university. I just wish that university had worked out to plan. Then I wouldn't have to worry about money so much in the future. As it stands right now I am screwed but satleast I have disability, but if I knew I had a self sustining job like lawyer I would start a practice and be set. Sadly, now I still have yet to go back to school *sigh* I want to be a counsellor now though so going to try and make that work. We'll see.
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Anyhoo it's late so I had better get to bed. Need the rest.