Didn't go to T.O today...
Yeah It's pretty shocking behaviour for someone in that sort of role. They have all the power and it makes it very hard to deal with them and feel safe and validated. The nurses just got pissy when I asked for another nurse or refused to let them use my hand to draw blood. Sorry but it's my damn body and I have the right to say no to what they want to do. No matter what. And they didn't need to get all frustrated and bitchy at me, they got it in a vein eventually. They made it so much worse by being nasty, getting frustrated with my veins (and I guess me by proxy) and then unsure of their skills and TELLING ME (still can't believe they did that... cows!) Even my counsellor says that as soon as she hears the word needle her veins hide too. She showed me how we could see them fine and then after we talked a bit and they were gone, totally hidden. So she could really empathize, which was good. And needle phobias are very common so their bs about that and then humilliating me with the ECG was BS!
I am doing a lot better today, having talked and had so much stuff reframed yesterday by my counsellor. That is the first time ever, that a counsellor has been that helpful and awesome towards me. And I have seen around 8 in my life. And no one came close to getting that much from me and then responding so perfectly as to change my mood AND perception of the situation. So don't give up on finding someone to talk to counsllor wise or therapist because even i'm finding some help now. 2 weeks ago I wouldn't have considered her helpful. So people can surprise you in the good sense smile
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So apparently my account of living with mental illness and psychosis had EVERYONE as the Strengthening Families Together group Tom teaches on Thursday nights at the moment, shocked. Lots of jaw dropping and questions he had. So yeah, and that was only a very general brief account and it was just over 3 pages typed. I put it in my journal above on Wednesday evening. Feel free to have a read.
Apparently one of our friends, and the original facillitator for the group asked to keep the letter. I asked hubby why and he said she never said. We think it might be for her to read over again and process and then talk to me about it. She has been saying for a while she is going to help me with my recovery. We're going to work on feelings and emotions. Which would be so handy to start because I am working on that in therapy too atm. Well, sure it got a bit diverted because of the assault, but I plan to return to that with her in the next couple weeks. I am not sure if we are done discussing the assault. Not sure if I need more help with that or if I am fine *shrug* I guess time will tell and what comes to find when I am sitting in the chair across from her. I do find that like with the art therapy, the morning of I get ideas in my head of what I want to discuss or ask. So I hope this continues because it's so much better than sitting there staring at the clock going, "I don't know what to say. There's so much I don't know where to start" Bleh... So we'll see what happens.
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Speaking of therapy, I missed art therapy today. The primary reason is because hubby is still sick as a dog and the hospital has a very strict sick policy. They don't want people who are sick coming into the building and spreading stuff. And I am sure he would be bothered because he's coughing and hacking up stuff non-stop. So I talked to him about it last night when I was TRYING to fall asleep and we agreed. I called Eva Marie this afternoon and left a message. I asked her to let me know about going to the Art Gallery trip, I think it's supposed to be next Friday. And whst the suggested art topic was for this week so I ca try nd do some work here at home. I generally do a few pieces now per session so I think I will do a few and then bring them into art therapy next Friday and ask for them to be analyzed if we are at the hospital doing art. If we are at the gallery I will wait until the following week and ask for input from the group. So I will have to write what I was thinking and feeling doing the pieces so when people ask or say stuff I can say yes, no maybe... Sure it will all work out.
I want to stick around home and take care of hubby and let him rest and stuff because he's not sleeping much past couple nights and he's still really sick. And the team and I are worried about him. If he's not better we see the nurse practitioner next Wed, and I will get her to give him a checkup because he doesn't usually get sick like this. There's a really nasty flu going around but I have been around people who have had bronchitis and pneumonia and despite them saying they "weren't contagious", I am worried that they might have been and not realized it, and gave it to me to carry home. We've been having a hell of a time the past 2 months so both of us have bee through a nasty flu already and now he's got an even nastier one. Our immune systems are compromised because of all the stress. I hope it's just the flu and it buggers off soon, but if not I want it caughto hubby can get better soon!
He's gotta go out later and get some stuff so I can do dinner. Other than that I think a nap later for him and we're gonna kick back and watch some movies and chill.
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Marley keeps smootching against me and licking me. If he had been way younger when we got him I think i would have named him Dino. He is so much like the character off the Flintstones lol! He's super affectionate. I love it. You can so still see the puppy in him. He must have been a blast when he was really little. Now he's like 60 pounds and just over a meter long, of bouncing fun lol! Who snores, which is adorable!!!
Atleast for the most part he's being good today so he's out and playing around. I am not sure why but he has a half chewed bone that he refuses to chew and finish. Not sure why.... maybe we'll have to rub some beef stock all over it. Kinda like you'd do with catnip and cats smile Hopefully it works! Those bones aren't cheap. On the upside, we haven't had to fork out more money for more bones. And in future I think we're going to do meat bones from the butcher behind our place here. Or from the grocery store up the road. They will probably be cheaper than the butcher behind us. man, I miss Aussie butchers. They were so much cheaper and reasonable for bones, hell, even human meat! We had a great one up in Redlynch when we lived on Tenni St. And we had a bottlo (Aussie for liqour store. Some of them are drive thru, it's COOL!) right next door to us so we were totally set! smile
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Making a new recipe for dinner tonight- Baked Ziti! smile I have been CRAVING pasta sooooooo much lately. Not sure why but i have been having lots of creamy spagahteeni thanks to hubby. He makes some wicked pasta. But tonight is my night. ast night I was supposed to do it but we were both so beat we had cereal instead. Which was nice. I haven't had much cereal in a while.
So i am making the baked ziti sand then garlic bread and salad. Not sure if Ceasar or Greek. Probably greek because hubby has been craving some and we had Ceasar the other night because I was really not feeling greek.
I really love trying new recipes so we'll give this one a go. The only thing I don't like about the Kraft kitchen books and recipes is most of them use mixes and we cook from scratch and they use tons and tons of cream cheese. It's pretty nuts. Even if they are yummy recipes. So I tend to change a lot of them because the fat content can be a issue. And the sodium/salt, content I have concerns with too.
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Ugh ODSP lady just called and wasn't much help about saying they'd cover a trip to Bethany to see the Nurse Practitioner next wed for my migraines, tom's flu and shots. So we'll see. Have a bunch of receipts to submit for reimbursement to travel to Toronto so they need to hustle and repay us. We're so skint this month it isn't even funny *sigh*. I really do hate money. Makes everyone's lives miserable 98% of the time. There's never enough for the majority of the world population and if you have lots of money you still have lots of issues so money still leads to unhappiness! Grrrrrrrrr!
I am just so glad that I am doing better having gone to counselling yesterday and her pep talk. Looking forward to seeing my pdoc next week and telling him and showing him how I am doing better. Hopefully we can still keep the plans to start a family around Christmas/beginning of the new year. Would really make me happy.
Hubby and I are making headway with the house too. Hoping to be able to paint the bedroom before the real snow comes. And the living room/dining room if at all possible. I am thinking that we'll be in this house for probably 3 more years. So then hubby will be done school and hopefully land a job quickly or we can look around and relocate if need be and get our dream home/property and build a home. We want to live rurally. And I want to have a hobby farm and driver's licenses for both of us. Tom needs to get his first as he's primarily driving and the one who has one from Australia, even if out of date. And I need to get mine too so I can get to work and do stuff. I want to have the freedom and ability to drive too. Right now though we are just trying to pay the bills and make it through. Need to go get some debt counselling and help because we're drowning now that hubby isn't working and I still can't. And all my efforts to pick up side jobs (knitted presents, maid duties, sewing, babysitting, gardening help, etc...) and such aren't going anywhere.
LMAO hubby just said to the phone as it was ringing, “don't be an asshole” and the phone stopped ringing lol! Like that hehehe!!
Oh ok the phone rang again and it was the art therapist. The themes from the art group today were Cooking and food. And whatever transparency means to you . Next week is the art gallery so we Meet at the AGO 1-1:15 inside foyer 317 Dundas St W. So going to write that in my date book.
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Anyhoo think I am going to leave it here and do some stuff I need to get done here online.
I am doing a lot better today, having talked and had so much stuff reframed yesterday by my counsellor. That is the first time ever, that a counsellor has been that helpful and awesome towards me. And I have seen around 8 in my life. And no one came close to getting that much from me and then responding so perfectly as to change my mood AND perception of the situation. So don't give up on finding someone to talk to counsllor wise or therapist because even i'm finding some help now. 2 weeks ago I wouldn't have considered her helpful. So people can surprise you in the good sense smile
----------------
So apparently my account of living with mental illness and psychosis had EVERYONE as the Strengthening Families Together group Tom teaches on Thursday nights at the moment, shocked. Lots of jaw dropping and questions he had. So yeah, and that was only a very general brief account and it was just over 3 pages typed. I put it in my journal above on Wednesday evening. Feel free to have a read.
Apparently one of our friends, and the original facillitator for the group asked to keep the letter. I asked hubby why and he said she never said. We think it might be for her to read over again and process and then talk to me about it. She has been saying for a while she is going to help me with my recovery. We're going to work on feelings and emotions. Which would be so handy to start because I am working on that in therapy too atm. Well, sure it got a bit diverted because of the assault, but I plan to return to that with her in the next couple weeks. I am not sure if we are done discussing the assault. Not sure if I need more help with that or if I am fine *shrug* I guess time will tell and what comes to find when I am sitting in the chair across from her. I do find that like with the art therapy, the morning of I get ideas in my head of what I want to discuss or ask. So I hope this continues because it's so much better than sitting there staring at the clock going, "I don't know what to say. There's so much I don't know where to start" Bleh... So we'll see what happens.
----------------
Speaking of therapy, I missed art therapy today. The primary reason is because hubby is still sick as a dog and the hospital has a very strict sick policy. They don't want people who are sick coming into the building and spreading stuff. And I am sure he would be bothered because he's coughing and hacking up stuff non-stop. So I talked to him about it last night when I was TRYING to fall asleep and we agreed. I called Eva Marie this afternoon and left a message. I asked her to let me know about going to the Art Gallery trip, I think it's supposed to be next Friday. And whst the suggested art topic was for this week so I ca try nd do some work here at home. I generally do a few pieces now per session so I think I will do a few and then bring them into art therapy next Friday and ask for them to be analyzed if we are at the hospital doing art. If we are at the gallery I will wait until the following week and ask for input from the group. So I will have to write what I was thinking and feeling doing the pieces so when people ask or say stuff I can say yes, no maybe... Sure it will all work out.
I want to stick around home and take care of hubby and let him rest and stuff because he's not sleeping much past couple nights and he's still really sick. And the team and I are worried about him. If he's not better we see the nurse practitioner next Wed, and I will get her to give him a checkup because he doesn't usually get sick like this. There's a really nasty flu going around but I have been around people who have had bronchitis and pneumonia and despite them saying they "weren't contagious", I am worried that they might have been and not realized it, and gave it to me to carry home. We've been having a hell of a time the past 2 months so both of us have bee through a nasty flu already and now he's got an even nastier one. Our immune systems are compromised because of all the stress. I hope it's just the flu and it buggers off soon, but if not I want it caughto hubby can get better soon!
He's gotta go out later and get some stuff so I can do dinner. Other than that I think a nap later for him and we're gonna kick back and watch some movies and chill.
-------------
Marley keeps smootching against me and licking me. If he had been way younger when we got him I think i would have named him Dino. He is so much like the character off the Flintstones lol! He's super affectionate. I love it. You can so still see the puppy in him. He must have been a blast when he was really little. Now he's like 60 pounds and just over a meter long, of bouncing fun lol! Who snores, which is adorable!!!
Atleast for the most part he's being good today so he's out and playing around. I am not sure why but he has a half chewed bone that he refuses to chew and finish. Not sure why.... maybe we'll have to rub some beef stock all over it. Kinda like you'd do with catnip and cats smile Hopefully it works! Those bones aren't cheap. On the upside, we haven't had to fork out more money for more bones. And in future I think we're going to do meat bones from the butcher behind our place here. Or from the grocery store up the road. They will probably be cheaper than the butcher behind us. man, I miss Aussie butchers. They were so much cheaper and reasonable for bones, hell, even human meat! We had a great one up in Redlynch when we lived on Tenni St. And we had a bottlo (Aussie for liqour store. Some of them are drive thru, it's COOL!) right next door to us so we were totally set! smile
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Making a new recipe for dinner tonight- Baked Ziti! smile I have been CRAVING pasta sooooooo much lately. Not sure why but i have been having lots of creamy spagahteeni thanks to hubby. He makes some wicked pasta. But tonight is my night. ast night I was supposed to do it but we were both so beat we had cereal instead. Which was nice. I haven't had much cereal in a while.
So i am making the baked ziti sand then garlic bread and salad. Not sure if Ceasar or Greek. Probably greek because hubby has been craving some and we had Ceasar the other night because I was really not feeling greek.
I really love trying new recipes so we'll give this one a go. The only thing I don't like about the Kraft kitchen books and recipes is most of them use mixes and we cook from scratch and they use tons and tons of cream cheese. It's pretty nuts. Even if they are yummy recipes. So I tend to change a lot of them because the fat content can be a issue. And the sodium/salt, content I have concerns with too.
--------------
Ugh ODSP lady just called and wasn't much help about saying they'd cover a trip to Bethany to see the Nurse Practitioner next wed for my migraines, tom's flu and shots. So we'll see. Have a bunch of receipts to submit for reimbursement to travel to Toronto so they need to hustle and repay us. We're so skint this month it isn't even funny *sigh*. I really do hate money. Makes everyone's lives miserable 98% of the time. There's never enough for the majority of the world population and if you have lots of money you still have lots of issues so money still leads to unhappiness! Grrrrrrrrr!
I am just so glad that I am doing better having gone to counselling yesterday and her pep talk. Looking forward to seeing my pdoc next week and telling him and showing him how I am doing better. Hopefully we can still keep the plans to start a family around Christmas/beginning of the new year. Would really make me happy.
Hubby and I are making headway with the house too. Hoping to be able to paint the bedroom before the real snow comes. And the living room/dining room if at all possible. I am thinking that we'll be in this house for probably 3 more years. So then hubby will be done school and hopefully land a job quickly or we can look around and relocate if need be and get our dream home/property and build a home. We want to live rurally. And I want to have a hobby farm and driver's licenses for both of us. Tom needs to get his first as he's primarily driving and the one who has one from Australia, even if out of date. And I need to get mine too so I can get to work and do stuff. I want to have the freedom and ability to drive too. Right now though we are just trying to pay the bills and make it through. Need to go get some debt counselling and help because we're drowning now that hubby isn't working and I still can't. And all my efforts to pick up side jobs (knitted presents, maid duties, sewing, babysitting, gardening help, etc...) and such aren't going anywhere.
LMAO hubby just said to the phone as it was ringing, “don't be an asshole” and the phone stopped ringing lol! Like that hehehe!!
Oh ok the phone rang again and it was the art therapist. The themes from the art group today were Cooking and food. And whatever transparency means to you . Next week is the art gallery so we Meet at the AGO 1-1:15 inside foyer 317 Dundas St W. So going to write that in my date book.
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Anyhoo think I am going to leave it here and do some stuff I need to get done here online.