(no subject)
after talking to marcus on the phone the other night, i was feeling unsure about what i wanted to do with teaching drum or twin oaks (not really because of anything we talked about, just had been feeling unsure for a while). then i wrote him an e-mail, and this was part of it:
"i think i'm going to send out that letter to my family on saturday and see what comes of it.
this one time, at band camp...(seriously), I was on the diving platform on the lake, and i was so scared to jump because it was so high. so someone came up and pushed me off. I keep waiting for someone to come 'push me off' so i dont have to make the choice myself. but noone has, and noone will. time after time, i enjoy the thrill of jumping off high dives, but struggle to just take that first step off of the board. literally and figuratively. so as much of a struggle this may be to commit to, i know that i really do wanna do it. i'm trying to think of various ways to make it happen. i'm still scared, but i'm gonna try."
this morn i woke up late and had to go to the bank before it closed, so i missed being able to put together some letters and send em out...i've got the whole weekend to get it ready, so i should be fine to send stuff out on monday. woo.
yeah, feeling pretty okay. excited and scared that i'm really thinking about leaving new hampshire for a while, whether it's VA or WI. New Hampshire seems to be the place that everyone leaves, but always finds themself coming back to. I've often taken N'Hampshah for granted. It's a pretty great place though, and I'm lucky to have lived here. It's strange to think how different a life mine would have been had my folks not decided to move here from NY. I'm always curious how it might have turned out, but am really glad that that things have unfolded the way they have. No matter how much I bitch, my life hasn't been too terrible so far. It's often hard to admit that.
Alright. I need to clean my room, find some tax info, and organize my shit/possibly pack some of it up to be stored for a while so that it's outta the way. My folks want me to do so before I would leave for anywhere.
"i think i'm going to send out that letter to my family on saturday and see what comes of it.
this one time, at band camp...(seriously), I was on the diving platform on the lake, and i was so scared to jump because it was so high. so someone came up and pushed me off. I keep waiting for someone to come 'push me off' so i dont have to make the choice myself. but noone has, and noone will. time after time, i enjoy the thrill of jumping off high dives, but struggle to just take that first step off of the board. literally and figuratively. so as much of a struggle this may be to commit to, i know that i really do wanna do it. i'm trying to think of various ways to make it happen. i'm still scared, but i'm gonna try."
this morn i woke up late and had to go to the bank before it closed, so i missed being able to put together some letters and send em out...i've got the whole weekend to get it ready, so i should be fine to send stuff out on monday. woo.
yeah, feeling pretty okay. excited and scared that i'm really thinking about leaving new hampshire for a while, whether it's VA or WI. New Hampshire seems to be the place that everyone leaves, but always finds themself coming back to. I've often taken N'Hampshah for granted. It's a pretty great place though, and I'm lucky to have lived here. It's strange to think how different a life mine would have been had my folks not decided to move here from NY. I'm always curious how it might have turned out, but am really glad that that things have unfolded the way they have. No matter how much I bitch, my life hasn't been too terrible so far. It's often hard to admit that.
Alright. I need to clean my room, find some tax info, and organize my shit/possibly pack some of it up to be stored for a while so that it's outta the way. My folks want me to do so before I would leave for anywhere.