Future Fears
So tonight I went onto Artsearch (a website where Colleges and Universities post theatre-related job postings) in search of positions available for the fall of 2013.
The good news: there ARE positions out there.
The bad news: every single application is due before the end of January and before my thesis goes up and (this part matters significantly less and is mostly vanity) not one of them is in a place where I want to move or live.
My friend Marc (one of the only other people in my cohort who want to teach in Academia) talked about this like it was scary but good--we gotta get those applications in! And he's right--it is scary but good. But I'm so envious of him: his family is his wife, and wherever he goes, she goes. But I'm just so tired of moving constantly and needing to learn a new city that I'm not fond of (Arezzo excepting), needing to make new friends as I get further and further away from the old ones who seem to care about what I'm up to less and less, and still being far away from my family and the state and place I want to live in.
Am I being super picky? Absolutely. This is not easy work to get, and God knows you go where the work is. You go where the paycheck is. You suck it up and you do it and you enjoy aspects of it, even if you're tired and scared and lonely. And I know all this.
But it's ridiculously scary--especially since any of the "good" schools want you to be either certified or have previous university experience (certified in Linklater/BMC/Roy Hart/Alexander/Laban/Feldenkrais? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I just fucking paid for a DEGREE and you are telling me that it's STILL not enough?). I want to stop having to freak out about money and find a job that will let me make art and open minds and I don't want to have to keep working retail because it is so. freaking. miserable. I don't want to be another useless artist who got another useless degree.
So please, if you pray, please pray for me. I'm so worried that I'll get to June when my lease runs out and be exactly where I was in the spring of 2009--empty-handed but MUCH poorer, stuck trying to tutor and work gigs and work retail and with people now wanting to work with me even less in the places that I love because I left and because I told them I had to leave. Please pray that God reveals some kind of path for me--it's okay if it isn't academia, I just don't want to be stuck being terrified, $44,000 poorer, with student loans, and miserable.
The good news: there ARE positions out there.
The bad news: every single application is due before the end of January and before my thesis goes up and (this part matters significantly less and is mostly vanity) not one of them is in a place where I want to move or live.
My friend Marc (one of the only other people in my cohort who want to teach in Academia) talked about this like it was scary but good--we gotta get those applications in! And he's right--it is scary but good. But I'm so envious of him: his family is his wife, and wherever he goes, she goes. But I'm just so tired of moving constantly and needing to learn a new city that I'm not fond of (Arezzo excepting), needing to make new friends as I get further and further away from the old ones who seem to care about what I'm up to less and less, and still being far away from my family and the state and place I want to live in.
Am I being super picky? Absolutely. This is not easy work to get, and God knows you go where the work is. You go where the paycheck is. You suck it up and you do it and you enjoy aspects of it, even if you're tired and scared and lonely. And I know all this.
But it's ridiculously scary--especially since any of the "good" schools want you to be either certified or have previous university experience (certified in Linklater/BMC/Roy Hart/Alexander/Laban/Feldenkrais? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I just fucking paid for a DEGREE and you are telling me that it's STILL not enough?). I want to stop having to freak out about money and find a job that will let me make art and open minds and I don't want to have to keep working retail because it is so. freaking. miserable. I don't want to be another useless artist who got another useless degree.
So please, if you pray, please pray for me. I'm so worried that I'll get to June when my lease runs out and be exactly where I was in the spring of 2009--empty-handed but MUCH poorer, stuck trying to tutor and work gigs and work retail and with people now wanting to work with me even less in the places that I love because I left and because I told them I had to leave. Please pray that God reveals some kind of path for me--it's okay if it isn't academia, I just don't want to be stuck being terrified, $44,000 poorer, with student loans, and miserable.