Insomnia
It's 3:30am. I cannot sleep. I am anxious--not about the fires this time, but about many things, the brunt of which have to do with my own future, my brother's future (looooong story--but Fritz basically has been screwed on his options for next year, had quit his job in expectation of his options, and now is sitting up shit creek without a paddle...and for some reason my parents are always far more willing to help me than him. Perhaps because my decisions are typically more well-informed and thought out, but it still seems unfair), my body (I was doing so well--now I look like a bloated calf, which I realise is partly b/c I'm at the end of my period and cannot stay hydrated in this state, but still. It feels like failure after good progress), cleaning up my house in time to leave, the fact that I didn't get my car in before driving it back across the country, all the stuff I need to do, and the fact that I work every day until I leave town.
I keep trying to sleep. I yawn. I can't sleep. I just sit here with my mind WORKING and it's just awful. I'm going to slip into some Tyler Durden type existence and wander between worlds, not sure who I am or what's happening.
Left over pms--I started watching Ugly Betty on netflix and the damn show makes me weep every time. I know it's silly. But I love this poor character. It isn't easy to be the "ugly" girl in a sea of skinny, beautiful women, especially if you don't really get how to dress or how to be thin and tall and beautiful and savvy. And the show is painful to watch because, while you love Betty and you want to root for it to be okay to be different and pretty in a less popular, media-induced way, you still secretly want them to pluck her eyebrows and pretty her up a little. Because how cool would it be if she could really "wow" them all and tell them to go to hell, instead of being sweet and naive and the wrong side of pretty.
Ugh. Sorry. Obviously the middle of the night is Angst O'clock. Sheesh. =)
Also on my mind, though I post it all the time:
I keep trying to sleep. I yawn. I can't sleep. I just sit here with my mind WORKING and it's just awful. I'm going to slip into some Tyler Durden type existence and wander between worlds, not sure who I am or what's happening.
Left over pms--I started watching Ugly Betty on netflix and the damn show makes me weep every time. I know it's silly. But I love this poor character. It isn't easy to be the "ugly" girl in a sea of skinny, beautiful women, especially if you don't really get how to dress or how to be thin and tall and beautiful and savvy. And the show is painful to watch because, while you love Betty and you want to root for it to be okay to be different and pretty in a less popular, media-induced way, you still secretly want them to pluck her eyebrows and pretty her up a little. Because how cool would it be if she could really "wow" them all and tell them to go to hell, instead of being sweet and naive and the wrong side of pretty.
Ugh. Sorry. Obviously the middle of the night is Angst O'clock. Sheesh. =)
Also on my mind, though I post it all the time:
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