Stupid emo post.
I feel absolutely stupid posting this.
While looking at all my bulletins on my myspace, I read one that Shannon posted (the one where you have to write an X next to the statements that are true) and one of the statements was "You've had a friend stab you in the back" and of course I had to check that one off. So the other night I was looking through my 10th grade yearbook and it got me thinking about what might have happened if we never ended up moving the summer before my junior year, and if I had stayed at the same high school all 4 years.
My sophomore year of high school was probably the best year out of the 4. I had a group of friends that I would eat lunch with everyday (Stephanie, Lauren, Jacky, Rachel and Raquel), and I had friends that I had known since middle school (Danielle, Cory, Kres), and the friends that kept me entertained during Spanish (Brian, Mike, Brooke, Sarah, Ralph), and even Andre from my Algebra 2 class who now plays football for the New York Jets (it's so weird to say that), and the yearbook staff in Miami was incredible, we actually had a lot of fun and we did awesome work.
I loved going to school almost everyday, until the end of the year.
It was as if, overnight, things had changed. Stephanie, Lauren and Rachel were all of a sudden not my friends. They had their 16th birthday parties without me even though we had been talking about it for months) and basically ignored me. They would talk about me in class, behind my back and they stopped eating lunch with me.
Why? I have no idea. And even now, almost 5 years later, I still don't know. I was nothing but nice to these people, I never talked about them behind their backs, and yet they still hated me.
It's because of that experience that I'm so insecure around people, even people I'm "friends" with right now. I always have this feeling that I'm sure that they don't actually like me, and that they're only pretending for whatever reason and that they turn around and talk about me behind my back.
This paranoia seems completely rational in my mind, but I hate feeling insecure around people, and for a long time I believed that this weight-loss surgery that I'm getting would fix that. I realize now that it's going to take a lot more than surgery.
While looking at all my bulletins on my myspace, I read one that Shannon posted (the one where you have to write an X next to the statements that are true) and one of the statements was "You've had a friend stab you in the back" and of course I had to check that one off. So the other night I was looking through my 10th grade yearbook and it got me thinking about what might have happened if we never ended up moving the summer before my junior year, and if I had stayed at the same high school all 4 years.
My sophomore year of high school was probably the best year out of the 4. I had a group of friends that I would eat lunch with everyday (Stephanie, Lauren, Jacky, Rachel and Raquel), and I had friends that I had known since middle school (Danielle, Cory, Kres), and the friends that kept me entertained during Spanish (Brian, Mike, Brooke, Sarah, Ralph), and even Andre from my Algebra 2 class who now plays football for the New York Jets (it's so weird to say that), and the yearbook staff in Miami was incredible, we actually had a lot of fun and we did awesome work.
I loved going to school almost everyday, until the end of the year.
It was as if, overnight, things had changed. Stephanie, Lauren and Rachel were all of a sudden not my friends. They had their 16th birthday parties without me even though we had been talking about it for months) and basically ignored me. They would talk about me in class, behind my back and they stopped eating lunch with me.
Why? I have no idea. And even now, almost 5 years later, I still don't know. I was nothing but nice to these people, I never talked about them behind their backs, and yet they still hated me.
It's because of that experience that I'm so insecure around people, even people I'm "friends" with right now. I always have this feeling that I'm sure that they don't actually like me, and that they're only pretending for whatever reason and that they turn around and talk about me behind my back.
This paranoia seems completely rational in my mind, but I hate feeling insecure around people, and for a long time I believed that this weight-loss surgery that I'm getting would fix that. I realize now that it's going to take a lot more than surgery.