Proclivity to Hedonism
I hate how true that subject line is. There are people in my life I tend to give a lot of attention to. But with little requition. My sister for example. I call her and I try to spend time with her. My calls go unanswered, because she says she is busy with work and getting ready for her wedding. I love my sister. She knows it and I know she loves me too. The problems is, I'm not a person who can simple except the words. I need evidence. That is, people need to call me. Need to spend time with me. Quality time. I can't have it feel like it's just responsibility. Call and spend time with me, but I really hope you want to.
I repeat these words to myself and I sometimes think I'm needy or indigent. Then I seek counseling from numerous sources and they tend to agree with my concerns. So, I know I'm not crazy. I know I'm not asking for too much.
The other problems lie withing the idea that someone should sacrifice. Sacrifice for something they want. If you don't, it displays the order of importance and your priorities. I'm understanding and I know that there are only so many parts of a whole that can fit. It's up to the person on what parts and what pieces should be there. So, I wonder, where I fit in all of it.
I don't think it's selfish of me to ask for some time from these people. I don't think I should have to ask. If I have to ask, I think I know where I fit. It's back to the subject line. I keep looking for love and wanting, that I keep letting myself get hurt. This thinly veiled entry speaks a lot about what I have been feeling lately. I just don't know how to deal with it. I guess I do, but that only makes it more difficult.
Angry, mad, frustrated, intolerable, terrified, stupid, inexcusable, disposed of...
End Landmine
I repeat these words to myself and I sometimes think I'm needy or indigent. Then I seek counseling from numerous sources and they tend to agree with my concerns. So, I know I'm not crazy. I know I'm not asking for too much.
The other problems lie withing the idea that someone should sacrifice. Sacrifice for something they want. If you don't, it displays the order of importance and your priorities. I'm understanding and I know that there are only so many parts of a whole that can fit. It's up to the person on what parts and what pieces should be there. So, I wonder, where I fit in all of it.
I don't think it's selfish of me to ask for some time from these people. I don't think I should have to ask. If I have to ask, I think I know where I fit. It's back to the subject line. I keep looking for love and wanting, that I keep letting myself get hurt. This thinly veiled entry speaks a lot about what I have been feeling lately. I just don't know how to deal with it. I guess I do, but that only makes it more difficult.
Angry, mad, frustrated, intolerable, terrified, stupid, inexcusable, disposed of...
End Landmine