Smoke-Filled Bubbles
I have two new roommates for the summer! Bing moved in the day before yesterday. I'm not sure how old he is. Mid-twenties? Originally from Mass, he just got back from traveling around Latin America for 10 months and picking up spoken Spanish on the way. Needless to say, we get along famously. I'm actually already developing a minor crush on the guy, which will probably prove to be interesting (and hopefully not pesky) if nothing else. Shannon and Julia both already love him. The day he moved in he had a landline installed because he's never had a cell phone. This man is great!
Aimee moves in Monday night. She goes to Hampshire College and is quite sweet. She's got a job right up the street designing scavenger hunts for an interactive start-up called, uhm, "Scavenger." What a frickin' sweet job..!
I think we'll be a happy little 2.5 month family! We'll see how things develop.
Holy fuck, I've almost been home for a week. It continues to be weird. I continue to have a lot of shit to do, which is a good thing since I'm unemployed. I've applied to what feels like 9847239847 jobs the past week and have had absolutely no responses whatsoever. Monday I'm going around to collect restaurant and cafe applications. I applied to a social work position as a residential counselor with teenage girls; problems ranging from homelessness to self-injury to eating disorders. I REALLY REALLY WANT THAT GIG. REALLY. So, crossing my fingers. It would be full time, and the commute's totally doable. We'll see. I have a feeling I'll be waiting tables this summer. Ew.
Beyond applying for jobs, cleaning and rearranging the whole apartment, finding roommates, and getting re-settled, I've been hanging out with tons of people. Seen Shannon twice this week already, and went to the shooting range with Mack. Julia came over today. Last night I had Brian, Kate, Jake, Jon, Shannon, and Mike over for some drinks and happy hookah. We sat around and listened to records all old-skool-like. On Wednesday I went drinking with Matt, Erin, and Matt's friend Mike who I ended up going home with (hence previous post..). Brian and I had coffee the other day. It's so bizarre. When I was on the road, I was with people 24/7 and somehow that was okay with me. Better than okay, I really thrived for the first time in my life in that type of situation. I'm usually really high maintenance with alone time, but luckily it just worked. And now I'm continuing to crave constant company, which is a great use of some of the free time I find myself having.
I am feeling a little bit afraid of my alone self, actually. As if I don't trust myself with alone time. I want to get over that. It's been a lingering condition for almost a year, now.
Julia read a tarot spread for me today. It told me that I am in a tough situation with a lot of big decisions to make. Yep. It also told me that the difficult situation was going to continue, and there was no end in sight. It said the only tool I have to use during this time is my intuition. The spread sounded like I was definitely leaving Emerson and I'm almost sure that I am.
I was walking around this evening, the first walk for the sake of walking I've taken in Boston in a while, and it hit me again that I just really don't want to be in a city right now. It is SO bothersome to me. It makes my skin crawl a little bit to be trapped in this big cement jungle. I heard some bug or something up above and I just clung to that sound, wishing it would multiply and drown out the cars passing and the voices of a thousand partiers in the Saturday-night apartments surrounding me.
Sure, I have fun in Boston. Something's just off about it, though. Maybe moving to Cambridge would fix it. But I really feel like I need to take a leap back into rural life.
Also, on the whole, people are such DICKS here. I'm so fucking sick of it. I always feel like I'm being judged in this city. Usually it doesn't bother me and I can just ignore it, but it's constantly present despite that. When I make eye contact with people on the street, they assume I want something from them or I want their nuts or something. It's fuckin' ridiculous and I feel like I'm going to get hurt someday. I naturally walk around and start conversations, many times with "less savory" types. When this happens, I always get ogled like some kind of freak by all the well-to-do white passersby. I also inevitably get hit up for cash by the less savories. Maybe I'm too trusting. I can't help it, I want to be open. Another thing is, I feel like I spend the vast majority of my energy putting good vibes out to the universe. So when I get bad vibes back from other people for no reason, it is extremely upsetting and affronting. I get deeply hurt much of the time and it confuses me.
And now I need to look for a restaurant job, which is another dilemma. As I walked, I was checking out the restaurants in the South End close to my house and they are all SO FUCKING PRETENTIOUS. There is NO WAY I can serve yuppies all day at these ridiculous places. I just can't do it. My sanity would be severely compromised. So, I guess Monday will be an interesting quest. The quest to find the least pretentious restaurant I can. I'll probably end up at a chain like Uno's, which I am so against, but I'd much prefer serving there than "The South End Buttery" or "Sage: Fusion Bistro." God. I am feeling a lot of anger right now at pretentiousness. Mike, Matt's friend, was an extremely unassuming fellow and that was so ridiculously refreshing. I've met some great people in Boston, but the vast majority of those I meet are either pretentious as fuck, a complete stereotype, a character, or an average joe. Characters are acceptable and not pretentious, but they're sort of self-involved which makes them not unassuming. Being around Mike was really nice.
Wow, I guess I have some pent up aggression going on tonight. Glad I wrote this to try and banish some of it out. I think I'm going to go wash my face, brush my teeth, and read some bookage before having a nice early Saturday night sleep. I've been altering my brain chemistry far too much lately.
But you know? I like who I am a lot better lately.
Aimee moves in Monday night. She goes to Hampshire College and is quite sweet. She's got a job right up the street designing scavenger hunts for an interactive start-up called, uhm, "Scavenger." What a frickin' sweet job..!
I think we'll be a happy little 2.5 month family! We'll see how things develop.
Holy fuck, I've almost been home for a week. It continues to be weird. I continue to have a lot of shit to do, which is a good thing since I'm unemployed. I've applied to what feels like 9847239847 jobs the past week and have had absolutely no responses whatsoever. Monday I'm going around to collect restaurant and cafe applications. I applied to a social work position as a residential counselor with teenage girls; problems ranging from homelessness to self-injury to eating disorders. I REALLY REALLY WANT THAT GIG. REALLY. So, crossing my fingers. It would be full time, and the commute's totally doable. We'll see. I have a feeling I'll be waiting tables this summer. Ew.
Beyond applying for jobs, cleaning and rearranging the whole apartment, finding roommates, and getting re-settled, I've been hanging out with tons of people. Seen Shannon twice this week already, and went to the shooting range with Mack. Julia came over today. Last night I had Brian, Kate, Jake, Jon, Shannon, and Mike over for some drinks and happy hookah. We sat around and listened to records all old-skool-like. On Wednesday I went drinking with Matt, Erin, and Matt's friend Mike who I ended up going home with (hence previous post..). Brian and I had coffee the other day. It's so bizarre. When I was on the road, I was with people 24/7 and somehow that was okay with me. Better than okay, I really thrived for the first time in my life in that type of situation. I'm usually really high maintenance with alone time, but luckily it just worked. And now I'm continuing to crave constant company, which is a great use of some of the free time I find myself having.
I am feeling a little bit afraid of my alone self, actually. As if I don't trust myself with alone time. I want to get over that. It's been a lingering condition for almost a year, now.
Julia read a tarot spread for me today. It told me that I am in a tough situation with a lot of big decisions to make. Yep. It also told me that the difficult situation was going to continue, and there was no end in sight. It said the only tool I have to use during this time is my intuition. The spread sounded like I was definitely leaving Emerson and I'm almost sure that I am.
I was walking around this evening, the first walk for the sake of walking I've taken in Boston in a while, and it hit me again that I just really don't want to be in a city right now. It is SO bothersome to me. It makes my skin crawl a little bit to be trapped in this big cement jungle. I heard some bug or something up above and I just clung to that sound, wishing it would multiply and drown out the cars passing and the voices of a thousand partiers in the Saturday-night apartments surrounding me.
Sure, I have fun in Boston. Something's just off about it, though. Maybe moving to Cambridge would fix it. But I really feel like I need to take a leap back into rural life.
Also, on the whole, people are such DICKS here. I'm so fucking sick of it. I always feel like I'm being judged in this city. Usually it doesn't bother me and I can just ignore it, but it's constantly present despite that. When I make eye contact with people on the street, they assume I want something from them or I want their nuts or something. It's fuckin' ridiculous and I feel like I'm going to get hurt someday. I naturally walk around and start conversations, many times with "less savory" types. When this happens, I always get ogled like some kind of freak by all the well-to-do white passersby. I also inevitably get hit up for cash by the less savories. Maybe I'm too trusting. I can't help it, I want to be open. Another thing is, I feel like I spend the vast majority of my energy putting good vibes out to the universe. So when I get bad vibes back from other people for no reason, it is extremely upsetting and affronting. I get deeply hurt much of the time and it confuses me.
And now I need to look for a restaurant job, which is another dilemma. As I walked, I was checking out the restaurants in the South End close to my house and they are all SO FUCKING PRETENTIOUS. There is NO WAY I can serve yuppies all day at these ridiculous places. I just can't do it. My sanity would be severely compromised. So, I guess Monday will be an interesting quest. The quest to find the least pretentious restaurant I can. I'll probably end up at a chain like Uno's, which I am so against, but I'd much prefer serving there than "The South End Buttery" or "Sage: Fusion Bistro." God. I am feeling a lot of anger right now at pretentiousness. Mike, Matt's friend, was an extremely unassuming fellow and that was so ridiculously refreshing. I've met some great people in Boston, but the vast majority of those I meet are either pretentious as fuck, a complete stereotype, a character, or an average joe. Characters are acceptable and not pretentious, but they're sort of self-involved which makes them not unassuming. Being around Mike was really nice.
Wow, I guess I have some pent up aggression going on tonight. Glad I wrote this to try and banish some of it out. I think I'm going to go wash my face, brush my teeth, and read some bookage before having a nice early Saturday night sleep. I've been altering my brain chemistry far too much lately.
But you know? I like who I am a lot better lately.