Independence Day
It's been a while, and things are well. In short: I get married in a few days, we bought a house about ten days ago, and I already have a Ducati tucked away in the garage.
I haven't been here really since December 2007, and my last post was over a year ago. I'm marrying the woman mentioned in that post, and I'm over the moon about it. I never really thought this would happen to me. It's not that I had any resistance to the notion of marriage, i just didn't think I'd meet someone that I'd fall this deeply in love with, and maintain interest, without it scaring the everliving hell out of me. Oddly enough, I feel quite the opposite: I feel a sense of solidity and confidence in her, and in us.
I must be better, if not well. When I'm not mired in my fears it's truly amazing what good things in life I can be open to. The house and motorcycle are nice, but whatever, those things can come and go and come and go as material things are prone to do. It's Stephanie that I never saw coming, and not having known I was missing that particular puzzle-piece, I couldn't have known that there was a Stephanie-shaped hole in me that needed plugging in only the way a Stephanie-shaped piece could do. Without being morbidly self-obsessed, I was free to be open to her, and as time goes on, I think about myself less-often and her and others more often.
Don't get me wrong, I still think about myself a lot (too much, really), but it's not the only thing I think about anymore, and it really is eye opening how much cool stuff I missed out on in the people around me.
From "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
I haven't been here really since December 2007, and my last post was over a year ago. I'm marrying the woman mentioned in that post, and I'm over the moon about it. I never really thought this would happen to me. It's not that I had any resistance to the notion of marriage, i just didn't think I'd meet someone that I'd fall this deeply in love with, and maintain interest, without it scaring the everliving hell out of me. Oddly enough, I feel quite the opposite: I feel a sense of solidity and confidence in her, and in us.
I must be better, if not well. When I'm not mired in my fears it's truly amazing what good things in life I can be open to. The house and motorcycle are nice, but whatever, those things can come and go and come and go as material things are prone to do. It's Stephanie that I never saw coming, and not having known I was missing that particular puzzle-piece, I couldn't have known that there was a Stephanie-shaped hole in me that needed plugging in only the way a Stephanie-shaped piece could do. Without being morbidly self-obsessed, I was free to be open to her, and as time goes on, I think about myself less-often and her and others more often.
Don't get me wrong, I still think about myself a lot (too much, really), but it's not the only thing I think about anymore, and it really is eye opening how much cool stuff I missed out on in the people around me.
From "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."