My Lovely Muse
Title: My Lovely Muse
Fandom: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Some Angst, Slight AU, Flulff
Pairings: Hikabu
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3320
Summary: Hikaru looks back on his life and how Yabu became his reason to sing.
Notes: Ok, I have no idea why I chose to write in second-person for this one-shot, but I just thought I would try it out. This is my first time writing in second-person, so please be gentle when it comes to criticism and comments. x]
Original date written: February 16, 2008
Disclaimer: No, I don’t own them. Johnny owns all of them.
Music-it was always something that you loved.
To you, it was more than just simple sounds and beats. You admired how one song was full of different instruments artistically composed together with a voice blended in to create such a beautiful resonance to your ears. There was just a special joy you got from listening to music that nothing else could. You also love the history behind it and the various genres connected to it. Music quickly becomes a beloved hobby and something you can’t get enough of.
It’s not until the end of primary school that your love of music becomes a potential talent. Even those around you quickly realize that with more practice and effort, you could go far.
Without even knowing, you develop a skilled ear. And despite your high-toned, childish voice at the time, you find the urge to sing is more than just a habit. You feel not only a sound coming from your throat, but a sweet rush of adrenaline as well.
[ ~ * ~]
After hearing you sing at a family gathering, your mother insists you to go to an audition; a Johnny’s Entertainment audition. She says you have enough talent and personality to win them over. And she’s not saying this just because you’re her adorable son.
“Besides, your name certainly sets you apart from anyone else,” your mother also adds, “It means ‘to shine.’ Why else do you think we named you ‘Hikaru’?”
However, you think differently. It’s kind of mind-boggling to imagine yourself on TV nor do you find your name special at all. And your small confidence does little for reassurance.
But your mother brushes off your words as nerves and is more than happy to drive you to the audition. With a supporting smile and a homemade lunch in your hand, she sends you off to a room full of other boys around your age.
Then it must have been your nerves on that day, because you remember little of the audition. It was all a blur of kids with nameless faces who stuck to their own friends or were too shy to speak. In a sea of other cute little boys with similar dreams, you wondered how you could ever stand out. But when the dance practice starts and music fills the room, you find the moves easy to remember and fun. A smile breaks out on your face along the way, but grows bigger later when you learn that you’ve passed.
You’re a Johnny’s Junior now.
[~ * ~]
Soon after, you become a regular in the increasingly popular kids’ show, Ya-ya-yah. You’re excited to land a spot on one of your favorite shows. And even more ecstatic to meet the kids on the show.
Your first day on Ya-ya-yah is somewhat similar to your audition, a blur as well. But this one is better and full of easy to name faces, welcoming people, and innovative, colorful surroundings. You remember being scared out of your pants when you are first introduced on the show.
You try not to let the anxiety show on your face as you exclaim, “Yes, I’m Yaotome Hikaru! I’m so happy to be on the show! Please look after me!”
But after that, you end up forgetting about your nerves and having a blast on stage. The MC is actually pretty caring and you like how the senpais dote upon you. The other kids are friendly as well and one boy especially catches your admiration.
Even though you get along very well with Aiyukawa Taiyou and Yamashita Shoon is a cool senpai to talk to, you feel that Yabu Kota deserves a slightly bigger space in your heart.
You’re happy when he expresses his wish to exchange numbers with you after the show. But then Taiyou overhears your conversation and he pouts on not being included. You laugh as Shoon teases the youngest Ya-ya-yah member all the while nudging you to ask Taiyou for his number as well.
A sense of belonging resonates through your body as Yabu joins in to tease Taiyou.
After that, it’s all history.
[~ * ~]
Ya-ya-yah quickly becomes a popular Johnny’s Junior group and being in it is the most fun you’ve ever had. The four of you become inseparable and it’s not for the sake of member ai. It’s because you truly feel content with the other three by your side.
On the show, you grow up and go on with your life outside of the agency as normal as possible. From the cute, little boy with a high-pitched voice, you change into an awkward teen with long limbs and a voice that cracks at odd times.
Being a teenager is all too confusing, but it’s in this awkward stage that you realize how hard you fell for him.
At first, you think it’s just admiration, because Yabu is Ya-ya-yah’s marvelous leader. However, you begin to question yourself when you notice how good-looking of a guy Yabu is quickly becoming. Like when he trades in his childish bowl-cut for trendy hairstyles that fall in layers over his pretty eyes, you can’t help, but stare. And his once ready to pinch, chubby cheeks are replaced by high cheekbones that cradle a charming smile. A smile that you love seeing.
It’s not only the physical changes that reach your heart, but his personality change as well. He slowly transforms from a cute brat with a great voice to a well-liked gentleman who’s caring and responsible. He’s loved by the smaller juniors, because he’s good at taking care of them and teaching them new dances movies. Not to mention, his singing voice is amazing.
So, you try to consider Yabu your rival and you tell other people that. Since you guys had grown up together, Yabu is the one you have to look out for, because he’s just as talented as you. He’s also your best friend, you repeat over and over like a mantra.
But it doesn’t explain how you let Yabu be the musical muse you never knew you needed. He’s a living incentive that you always need in your life so you won’t be rid of your musical talent. His moves and determination certainly inspire you to work harder, because his swift movements rivaled yours. You stay close to him, because that’s how the perfect lyrics find you. And you need Yabu by your side so that you can hum new notes as he takes his daily naps. He even gives you the motivation to keep going, especially when times seem hard.
It also doesn’t explain how the slightest touch on stage makes butterflies flutter in your stomach. How the simplest forms of flirting and fan service makes you squeal inwardly as you sing next to him. Even his name that echoes on stage goes from your head to your heart all of the time.
“Yabu, Yabu,Yabuchii,” you remember calling out in your dreams.
And every time you looked at him, you couldn’t break away from his stare. It had felt like you were literally falling into the depths of his dark brown eyes, but refused to touch the ground.
Such intense feelings you have for Yabu and yet, you told yourself it was a crush; a crush and nothing more. You would get over it and move on to liking girls.
But that crush quickly turns into love as the months pass by. You try to fight it. Either reject or hide whatever odd feelings you hold for him, but it’s useless.
You think you can live off of the firm friendship that the two of you have. It may not be the romantic relationship that you yearn for, but it was a mutual feeling none the less. Besides, you don’t dare to ruin the friendship you cherish more than life.
For years, that is your mentality. Yabu’s your best friend, band mate, and rival. He is your everything and always by your side, but never really yours. He’s the one you hold a one-sided love for, but never able to confess.
But then one day, you find the two of you alone in an empty rehearsal room and a confession at the tip of your tongue. With palms slick with sweat, you stuttered out the words that you hoped would clearly convey your pure feelings for him.
It felt like the world had somehow exploded in those few silent minutes where Yabu stared at you, completely taken aback by your sudden confession. The magazine he had in his hands quickly closed, but sounded like the ground was cracking. He sighed and nervously looked around them, checking to see if there wasn’t anyone around. You honestly thought that you would be rejected on the spot, because of the way he was so speechless.
You had hoped that the cracked floor would be big enough to swallow you up.
However, you’re more shocked than happy to see that charming smile appear on his face and similar expressions are repeated back to you.
It takes you a few moments to really register his words.
“I love you, too, Hachibee. What took you so long?”
You could barely breathe when he hugs you and presses a sweet kiss to your lips. By the time you could inhale, it’s his scent that washes over you like a warm tide.
[~ * ~]
The years following that day are like a happy dream. During those years, you have more than enough inspiration to write numerous Oricon chart-topping songs and act in various dramas. There’s a vague memory of winning many music awards and commendable acting nominations. But these awards lose in comparison to your growing relationship.
Instead, you clearly remember every single one of your “firsts” with Yabu.
The first time he asked you out on a date was a nervous stutter, similar to your confession. You could never forget how the two of you had gotten caught in the rain, because he had lost the movie tickets. Both of you were laughing as you entered the movie half an hour late.
The first present he gave you was a unique guitar pick with the letters “HY” on it for your two-month anniversary. It was made from a pretty material and so sturdy that you still use it from time to time.
The first time you fell asleep in Yabu’s arms was after a long day of rehearsal. You didn’t mean to fall asleep on his shoulders, but you were just so tired and sleep-deprived. And yet, you didn’t complain when you woke up seeing his face staring down at you with a soft smile.
And your first time with him was one of such gentle pain that you found yourself always wanting more of. It wasn’t just the star-blinding pleasure that made your toes curl, but the way Yabu was so sweet and tender throughout the whole way. During those precious hours, he acted as if you were such a fragile piece of priceless art. And the way he laid kisses on your body was as if he didn’t want to break you, but admire and attempt to make more beautiful.
You loved every single moment with him and couldn’t stand the thought of being apart from him. Yabu meant the world to you and similar to your love of music, you couldn’t get enough of him.
There was also your first real fight. He had been jealous of the way you were too close with a fellow schoolmate that he unconsciously snapped at you and threw an empty accusation. You tried to defend yourself with hurt written in your eyes, but ended up yelling when he became just too ridiculous. But that’s when he found your angry side so alluring that he shut you up with a rough kiss and a tight grip of your shirt.
And that was the end of all arguments.
[~ * ~]
You also refuse to reminisce the wretched days where you doubted his love for you. It started with the long conversations into the night suddenly cut short. The days he got off from work, he didn’t wish to spend with you. It was like a dry spell from the lovable relationship you knew.
Sweet words no longer passed his lips to you and you felt your heart ache at his increasing avoidance of your relationship. For a while, you wondered why your kisses didn’t affect him as much nor did your pleads to have him by your side.
It wasn’t long after that when you stumbled upon the reason why.
Hidden behind many costume racks and at the back of the dressing room, you found him exchanging passionate feelings with an ex-bandmate.
The sudden and heart-breaking image made you gasp unconsciously. You thought your gasp was quiet, but it was loud enough to make them turn their heads and see you. With their eyes on you, it was at that moment that you felt the air get caught in your throat in a horrible way. For a long minute, you forgot how to breathe and the lack of air brought an acid feeling to your lungs. It hurt to not breathe, but somehow you didn’t wish to inhale any oxygen. A cold stone formed in the pit of your stomach and the sight was unwillingly forever burned into your brain.
You remember mumbling an excuse and then stumbling home, not caring for the tears that blurred your vision.
[~ * ~]
Not surprisingly, you lose your will and inspiration to work over night. You refuse to talk to anyone, especially the one that hurt you the most. You can’t stand the sight of him and feel your heart break every time you think about him.
And yet, his voice filled up your cell phone’s voicemail and called at the door of your apartment everyday. His pleads were written in the numerous texts you received until your inbox was beyond full. But you ignore them all, even when roses clutter your doorway and he angrily bangs on your door, begging for entrance.
You cry and rant. You tried to regain your musical talent by writing lyrics. You attempt to compose new songs, but to no avail. And then you cried some more.
But it was only for a week. For that one week, you let yourself dwell in the sadness. You allowed yourself to fall so deep in such negative feelings and reminisce on the sweet memories. In that one week, you pretended that it was your entire fault.
Because after that you left the agency and told yourself that you were better off without him. That you had a life before him and could have a better one after him. There was more fish in the sea, you told yourself and hoped to continue your education in another city.
[~ * ~]
At first your parents questioned your sudden decisions. However, they didn’t deny your wishes to continue your education. Knowing that you had a good head on your shoulders, they let you move away to a university in Osaka. Since you had an agreement with the agency, Johnny-san kept your whereabouts a secret and allowed you to quietly shy away from the limelight.
It was hard, really; leaving all that you knew so well and were comfortable with for an unknown place. Your friends were worried that you might be taking the break-up too hard. They remind you that they are always here for you.
But you laugh off their worries and tell them that you’ve been planning this since the beginning. You have always loved your musical career, but didn’t want to live your whole life in the light. You just weren’t sure when the best time was to do so.
But Yabu sees right through your lies. Even though you haven’t seen him since that horrible day, you predict that he’ll see the many cracks that lead to your sudden life-changing story.
[~ * ~]
Two years pass by and life goes on. You slowly assimilate into college life and don’t feel bothered when people recognize you. You find it comforting, but turn down any offers from the music industry. You say you wish to focus on school and hope to pursue a career in medicine.
The college life is fine and you love the independence. Even though music sheets become foreign to you as medical studies increase, you believe its fine to let go of your love of music. It doesn’t mean you hate it now, but just that you’ve lost the muse to sing again. You tell yourself that this is how it should be. You’re content, but it’s not at that ideal level you once shared with him.
After all of this time, you think that you’re finally over him. Since you receive no letters from him, let alone any contact, you imagine that he’s over you as well.
One day while walking out of a class, you’re stopped by a familiar professor. He says that there’s a new student he wants you to give a small orientation to.
“He’s an idol, so go easy on him and try to keep him away from the crowds,” the professor strongly suggests.
You nod and eagerly accept. You understand how it is to be new to such a big school, so you’re more than happy to help.
But when you go to meet up with the new student, you drop all of your things at the sight of him.
Your breath gets caught at the sight of him, but having him so near makes tears well in your eyes. He looks older and his face seems thinner, as if from lack of adequate sleep. His dark brown hair falls into messy bangs around slightly red eyes.
But he’s still smiling that same charming smile you once fell in love with. You’re not sure whether you should run away or run into his arms.
“Y-Yabu?” You nervously stutter out, hoping that this isn’t a dream.
A brown messenger bag hangs across his chest as he slowly walks up to you. You blink and then suddenly feel his arms around you.
“Hikaru, Hikaru. I am so so so sorry,” Yabu desperately whispers into your ear. “He meant nothing to me, nothing. It was just my one moment of weakness. I still love you so much, Hachibee. Please, please forgive me.”
You don’t know what to say, let alone respond. Your head tells you to push him away, but your heart makes you kiss him senseless. His lips are like an addictive drink that you can’t believe you ever gave up. He tastes of sweet memories on rainy days only warmed by the sunlight you saw in his eyes and you wonder how you could ever forget him. A warming hand encircles your waist and you wish more than anything to stay that way.
But you can only kiss for so long.
The two of you break away for air and the look on his face is of complete joy. “Hachibee?” he calls again and bites his bottom lip in hope.
This time you don’t hesitate to say, “I love you, too.”
He laughs a little and rests his forehead against your own. For long moments, you stay like this, but then he moves away, only to take a hold of your wrist. He puts a piece of paper in your hand and you recognize it as a music sheet.
“What is this?” You take a look at the sheet and try to play the tune that’s written there.
“It’s my song for you,” Yabu informs you with a blush gracing his cheeks. “It’s my apology song for when I found you. I think it’s my best work.”
You laugh at the thought of Yabu writing such a corny song, but then feel his hand caress your cheek.
His eyes are serious, but caring as he confesses, “Don’t you know, Hikaru? You were always my musical inspiration.”
Fandom: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Some Angst, Slight AU, Flulff
Pairings: Hikabu
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3320
Summary: Hikaru looks back on his life and how Yabu became his reason to sing.
Notes: Ok, I have no idea why I chose to write in second-person for this one-shot, but I just thought I would try it out. This is my first time writing in second-person, so please be gentle when it comes to criticism and comments. x]
Original date written: February 16, 2008
Disclaimer: No, I don’t own them. Johnny owns all of them.
Music-it was always something that you loved.
To you, it was more than just simple sounds and beats. You admired how one song was full of different instruments artistically composed together with a voice blended in to create such a beautiful resonance to your ears. There was just a special joy you got from listening to music that nothing else could. You also love the history behind it and the various genres connected to it. Music quickly becomes a beloved hobby and something you can’t get enough of.
It’s not until the end of primary school that your love of music becomes a potential talent. Even those around you quickly realize that with more practice and effort, you could go far.
Without even knowing, you develop a skilled ear. And despite your high-toned, childish voice at the time, you find the urge to sing is more than just a habit. You feel not only a sound coming from your throat, but a sweet rush of adrenaline as well.
[ ~ * ~]
After hearing you sing at a family gathering, your mother insists you to go to an audition; a Johnny’s Entertainment audition. She says you have enough talent and personality to win them over. And she’s not saying this just because you’re her adorable son.
“Besides, your name certainly sets you apart from anyone else,” your mother also adds, “It means ‘to shine.’ Why else do you think we named you ‘Hikaru’?”
However, you think differently. It’s kind of mind-boggling to imagine yourself on TV nor do you find your name special at all. And your small confidence does little for reassurance.
But your mother brushes off your words as nerves and is more than happy to drive you to the audition. With a supporting smile and a homemade lunch in your hand, she sends you off to a room full of other boys around your age.
Then it must have been your nerves on that day, because you remember little of the audition. It was all a blur of kids with nameless faces who stuck to their own friends or were too shy to speak. In a sea of other cute little boys with similar dreams, you wondered how you could ever stand out. But when the dance practice starts and music fills the room, you find the moves easy to remember and fun. A smile breaks out on your face along the way, but grows bigger later when you learn that you’ve passed.
You’re a Johnny’s Junior now.
[~ * ~]
Soon after, you become a regular in the increasingly popular kids’ show, Ya-ya-yah. You’re excited to land a spot on one of your favorite shows. And even more ecstatic to meet the kids on the show.
Your first day on Ya-ya-yah is somewhat similar to your audition, a blur as well. But this one is better and full of easy to name faces, welcoming people, and innovative, colorful surroundings. You remember being scared out of your pants when you are first introduced on the show.
You try not to let the anxiety show on your face as you exclaim, “Yes, I’m Yaotome Hikaru! I’m so happy to be on the show! Please look after me!”
But after that, you end up forgetting about your nerves and having a blast on stage. The MC is actually pretty caring and you like how the senpais dote upon you. The other kids are friendly as well and one boy especially catches your admiration.
Even though you get along very well with Aiyukawa Taiyou and Yamashita Shoon is a cool senpai to talk to, you feel that Yabu Kota deserves a slightly bigger space in your heart.
You’re happy when he expresses his wish to exchange numbers with you after the show. But then Taiyou overhears your conversation and he pouts on not being included. You laugh as Shoon teases the youngest Ya-ya-yah member all the while nudging you to ask Taiyou for his number as well.
A sense of belonging resonates through your body as Yabu joins in to tease Taiyou.
After that, it’s all history.
[~ * ~]
Ya-ya-yah quickly becomes a popular Johnny’s Junior group and being in it is the most fun you’ve ever had. The four of you become inseparable and it’s not for the sake of member ai. It’s because you truly feel content with the other three by your side.
On the show, you grow up and go on with your life outside of the agency as normal as possible. From the cute, little boy with a high-pitched voice, you change into an awkward teen with long limbs and a voice that cracks at odd times.
Being a teenager is all too confusing, but it’s in this awkward stage that you realize how hard you fell for him.
At first, you think it’s just admiration, because Yabu is Ya-ya-yah’s marvelous leader. However, you begin to question yourself when you notice how good-looking of a guy Yabu is quickly becoming. Like when he trades in his childish bowl-cut for trendy hairstyles that fall in layers over his pretty eyes, you can’t help, but stare. And his once ready to pinch, chubby cheeks are replaced by high cheekbones that cradle a charming smile. A smile that you love seeing.
It’s not only the physical changes that reach your heart, but his personality change as well. He slowly transforms from a cute brat with a great voice to a well-liked gentleman who’s caring and responsible. He’s loved by the smaller juniors, because he’s good at taking care of them and teaching them new dances movies. Not to mention, his singing voice is amazing.
So, you try to consider Yabu your rival and you tell other people that. Since you guys had grown up together, Yabu is the one you have to look out for, because he’s just as talented as you. He’s also your best friend, you repeat over and over like a mantra.
But it doesn’t explain how you let Yabu be the musical muse you never knew you needed. He’s a living incentive that you always need in your life so you won’t be rid of your musical talent. His moves and determination certainly inspire you to work harder, because his swift movements rivaled yours. You stay close to him, because that’s how the perfect lyrics find you. And you need Yabu by your side so that you can hum new notes as he takes his daily naps. He even gives you the motivation to keep going, especially when times seem hard.
It also doesn’t explain how the slightest touch on stage makes butterflies flutter in your stomach. How the simplest forms of flirting and fan service makes you squeal inwardly as you sing next to him. Even his name that echoes on stage goes from your head to your heart all of the time.
“Yabu, Yabu,Yabuchii,” you remember calling out in your dreams.
And every time you looked at him, you couldn’t break away from his stare. It had felt like you were literally falling into the depths of his dark brown eyes, but refused to touch the ground.
Such intense feelings you have for Yabu and yet, you told yourself it was a crush; a crush and nothing more. You would get over it and move on to liking girls.
But that crush quickly turns into love as the months pass by. You try to fight it. Either reject or hide whatever odd feelings you hold for him, but it’s useless.
You think you can live off of the firm friendship that the two of you have. It may not be the romantic relationship that you yearn for, but it was a mutual feeling none the less. Besides, you don’t dare to ruin the friendship you cherish more than life.
For years, that is your mentality. Yabu’s your best friend, band mate, and rival. He is your everything and always by your side, but never really yours. He’s the one you hold a one-sided love for, but never able to confess.
But then one day, you find the two of you alone in an empty rehearsal room and a confession at the tip of your tongue. With palms slick with sweat, you stuttered out the words that you hoped would clearly convey your pure feelings for him.
It felt like the world had somehow exploded in those few silent minutes where Yabu stared at you, completely taken aback by your sudden confession. The magazine he had in his hands quickly closed, but sounded like the ground was cracking. He sighed and nervously looked around them, checking to see if there wasn’t anyone around. You honestly thought that you would be rejected on the spot, because of the way he was so speechless.
You had hoped that the cracked floor would be big enough to swallow you up.
However, you’re more shocked than happy to see that charming smile appear on his face and similar expressions are repeated back to you.
It takes you a few moments to really register his words.
“I love you, too, Hachibee. What took you so long?”
You could barely breathe when he hugs you and presses a sweet kiss to your lips. By the time you could inhale, it’s his scent that washes over you like a warm tide.
[~ * ~]
The years following that day are like a happy dream. During those years, you have more than enough inspiration to write numerous Oricon chart-topping songs and act in various dramas. There’s a vague memory of winning many music awards and commendable acting nominations. But these awards lose in comparison to your growing relationship.
Instead, you clearly remember every single one of your “firsts” with Yabu.
The first time he asked you out on a date was a nervous stutter, similar to your confession. You could never forget how the two of you had gotten caught in the rain, because he had lost the movie tickets. Both of you were laughing as you entered the movie half an hour late.
The first present he gave you was a unique guitar pick with the letters “HY” on it for your two-month anniversary. It was made from a pretty material and so sturdy that you still use it from time to time.
The first time you fell asleep in Yabu’s arms was after a long day of rehearsal. You didn’t mean to fall asleep on his shoulders, but you were just so tired and sleep-deprived. And yet, you didn’t complain when you woke up seeing his face staring down at you with a soft smile.
And your first time with him was one of such gentle pain that you found yourself always wanting more of. It wasn’t just the star-blinding pleasure that made your toes curl, but the way Yabu was so sweet and tender throughout the whole way. During those precious hours, he acted as if you were such a fragile piece of priceless art. And the way he laid kisses on your body was as if he didn’t want to break you, but admire and attempt to make more beautiful.
You loved every single moment with him and couldn’t stand the thought of being apart from him. Yabu meant the world to you and similar to your love of music, you couldn’t get enough of him.
There was also your first real fight. He had been jealous of the way you were too close with a fellow schoolmate that he unconsciously snapped at you and threw an empty accusation. You tried to defend yourself with hurt written in your eyes, but ended up yelling when he became just too ridiculous. But that’s when he found your angry side so alluring that he shut you up with a rough kiss and a tight grip of your shirt.
And that was the end of all arguments.
[~ * ~]
You also refuse to reminisce the wretched days where you doubted his love for you. It started with the long conversations into the night suddenly cut short. The days he got off from work, he didn’t wish to spend with you. It was like a dry spell from the lovable relationship you knew.
Sweet words no longer passed his lips to you and you felt your heart ache at his increasing avoidance of your relationship. For a while, you wondered why your kisses didn’t affect him as much nor did your pleads to have him by your side.
It wasn’t long after that when you stumbled upon the reason why.
Hidden behind many costume racks and at the back of the dressing room, you found him exchanging passionate feelings with an ex-bandmate.
The sudden and heart-breaking image made you gasp unconsciously. You thought your gasp was quiet, but it was loud enough to make them turn their heads and see you. With their eyes on you, it was at that moment that you felt the air get caught in your throat in a horrible way. For a long minute, you forgot how to breathe and the lack of air brought an acid feeling to your lungs. It hurt to not breathe, but somehow you didn’t wish to inhale any oxygen. A cold stone formed in the pit of your stomach and the sight was unwillingly forever burned into your brain.
You remember mumbling an excuse and then stumbling home, not caring for the tears that blurred your vision.
[~ * ~]
Not surprisingly, you lose your will and inspiration to work over night. You refuse to talk to anyone, especially the one that hurt you the most. You can’t stand the sight of him and feel your heart break every time you think about him.
And yet, his voice filled up your cell phone’s voicemail and called at the door of your apartment everyday. His pleads were written in the numerous texts you received until your inbox was beyond full. But you ignore them all, even when roses clutter your doorway and he angrily bangs on your door, begging for entrance.
You cry and rant. You tried to regain your musical talent by writing lyrics. You attempt to compose new songs, but to no avail. And then you cried some more.
But it was only for a week. For that one week, you let yourself dwell in the sadness. You allowed yourself to fall so deep in such negative feelings and reminisce on the sweet memories. In that one week, you pretended that it was your entire fault.
Because after that you left the agency and told yourself that you were better off without him. That you had a life before him and could have a better one after him. There was more fish in the sea, you told yourself and hoped to continue your education in another city.
[~ * ~]
At first your parents questioned your sudden decisions. However, they didn’t deny your wishes to continue your education. Knowing that you had a good head on your shoulders, they let you move away to a university in Osaka. Since you had an agreement with the agency, Johnny-san kept your whereabouts a secret and allowed you to quietly shy away from the limelight.
It was hard, really; leaving all that you knew so well and were comfortable with for an unknown place. Your friends were worried that you might be taking the break-up too hard. They remind you that they are always here for you.
But you laugh off their worries and tell them that you’ve been planning this since the beginning. You have always loved your musical career, but didn’t want to live your whole life in the light. You just weren’t sure when the best time was to do so.
But Yabu sees right through your lies. Even though you haven’t seen him since that horrible day, you predict that he’ll see the many cracks that lead to your sudden life-changing story.
[~ * ~]
Two years pass by and life goes on. You slowly assimilate into college life and don’t feel bothered when people recognize you. You find it comforting, but turn down any offers from the music industry. You say you wish to focus on school and hope to pursue a career in medicine.
The college life is fine and you love the independence. Even though music sheets become foreign to you as medical studies increase, you believe its fine to let go of your love of music. It doesn’t mean you hate it now, but just that you’ve lost the muse to sing again. You tell yourself that this is how it should be. You’re content, but it’s not at that ideal level you once shared with him.
After all of this time, you think that you’re finally over him. Since you receive no letters from him, let alone any contact, you imagine that he’s over you as well.
One day while walking out of a class, you’re stopped by a familiar professor. He says that there’s a new student he wants you to give a small orientation to.
“He’s an idol, so go easy on him and try to keep him away from the crowds,” the professor strongly suggests.
You nod and eagerly accept. You understand how it is to be new to such a big school, so you’re more than happy to help.
But when you go to meet up with the new student, you drop all of your things at the sight of him.
Your breath gets caught at the sight of him, but having him so near makes tears well in your eyes. He looks older and his face seems thinner, as if from lack of adequate sleep. His dark brown hair falls into messy bangs around slightly red eyes.
But he’s still smiling that same charming smile you once fell in love with. You’re not sure whether you should run away or run into his arms.
“Y-Yabu?” You nervously stutter out, hoping that this isn’t a dream.
A brown messenger bag hangs across his chest as he slowly walks up to you. You blink and then suddenly feel his arms around you.
“Hikaru, Hikaru. I am so so so sorry,” Yabu desperately whispers into your ear. “He meant nothing to me, nothing. It was just my one moment of weakness. I still love you so much, Hachibee. Please, please forgive me.”
You don’t know what to say, let alone respond. Your head tells you to push him away, but your heart makes you kiss him senseless. His lips are like an addictive drink that you can’t believe you ever gave up. He tastes of sweet memories on rainy days only warmed by the sunlight you saw in his eyes and you wonder how you could ever forget him. A warming hand encircles your waist and you wish more than anything to stay that way.
But you can only kiss for so long.
The two of you break away for air and the look on his face is of complete joy. “Hachibee?” he calls again and bites his bottom lip in hope.
This time you don’t hesitate to say, “I love you, too.”
He laughs a little and rests his forehead against your own. For long moments, you stay like this, but then he moves away, only to take a hold of your wrist. He puts a piece of paper in your hand and you recognize it as a music sheet.
“What is this?” You take a look at the sheet and try to play the tune that’s written there.
“It’s my song for you,” Yabu informs you with a blush gracing his cheeks. “It’s my apology song for when I found you. I think it’s my best work.”
You laugh at the thought of Yabu writing such a corny song, but then feel his hand caress your cheek.
His eyes are serious, but caring as he confesses, “Don’t you know, Hikaru? You were always my musical inspiration.”