Brilliant Blood, Beautiful Bones 1/15
Title: Brilliant Blood, Beautiful Bones
Author: lavenderpisha09
Pairings: Ian/Anthony
Rating: R
Genre: AU, Angst
Warning: Depression, Death (of a minor character), and inaccuracies in portraying these themes.
Summary: It’s weird, wanting something you can’t have.
Author's Notes: For thekettletbh who gave me a particularly phenomenal prompt (and for me, since it’s my birthday). I hope you enjoy this fic. This fic was written for Fanfiction Day 2015.
Another important note: I don’t know much about depression, psychology, or software. Now that I’m thinking about it, I actually don’t know much about anything. Everything written here was researched to the best of my ability, but will not be perfect seeing as I have limited knowledge about these topics. Still, I tried. I sincerely apologize for any mistakes I’ve made. Know that it wasn’t my intention to hurt or offend anyone, especially those who are actually suffering from depression. Have I mentioned that I’m not claiming to know everything about mental illnesses in general? Because I really don’t know much about them. I am also not claiming to be qualified enough to be able to write an actual decent story about mental illnesses, I’m sorry.
Last note: I have to thank D, who told me my initial format was shit and helped me clean up the fic’s format, and Kalina, who very helpfully read through my draft and told me what I needed to do with the fic. They’re the absolute best. This is the most challenging fic I’ve had to write yet, and it was an absolute honor (and pleasure) to fill this prompt.
Disclaimer: I do not own Smosh. I do not make money from this.
You have one new message.
Beep.
“Hey, uh, this is Matt. Can you do me a favor? I know you’re always busy, and I know you have that research of yours taking up most of your time, but I just, uh, I need your help. Well, actually, Anthony needs your help. It’s been two months, man, and he’s still not better. We’ve been worried about him. Mari’s been talking to Anthony about possibly getting scheduled for some therapy sessions, and I guess she’s been wearing him down, because just a while ago he told us he was starting to open up to the possibility of going to therapy sessions.”
“Anyway, he says he doesn’t like the idea of talking to a practical stranger, and we get that, we really do, but it’s not like Anthony’s friends with any psychologist. I know you though, and he knows me, so maybe that’s enough? I haven’t talked to him about going to you for therapy yet because I haven’t asked if it’s fine with you that I do send him to you, but come on man, please. We’re desperate here. You always talk about the new tech your clinic’s getting, and though I don’t really know much about this tech because you can’t talk about it in detail, I’m hoping this tech will be able to help Anthony.”
A pause.
“Give me a call, okay? Thanks.”
Beep.
Message saved.
-.-.-.-
From the Los Angeles Times, 15th of March 2020:
One Half of Beloved Comedic Duo Lost to Tragic Accident
Ryan Todd, known as one of the creators of Smosh, one of Youtube’s leading channels, was caught in a fatal accident on the Santa Ana Freeway. On March 14, at 1:23 a.m., responders found four cars blocking half the road due to the serious accident. Five people were injured from the accident and were immediately brought to St. Joseph Hospital for further observation. Three died from the accident, including Todd.
Autopsy shows that Todd died from serious head trauma. From security camera feeds, it appears that Cristopher Paine, one of the three people who died in the accident, was going 140 miles per hour and had rear-ended Todd.
Todd, aged 32, served as co-creator, co-writer, and co-producer of the Smosh brand with his best friend Anthony Padilla. Anthony Padilla and other executives of the brand have not released a statement, though other members of the cast have posted on various social media sites about the tragic event.
Investigations are still on-going.
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS - PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
CLIENT INFORMATION
Client Code: C280916
Social Security Number: XXX-XX-4366
Name: Padilla, Anthony
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Date of Birth: September 16, 1987
Home Address: 717 W Olympic Blvd, #1007, Los Angeles, CA, 90015
Phone Number: 310-425-9940
Interests: video games, internet, youtube, cats, nature, photography, tv shows, movies, space, nature, travel
EMERGENCY CONTACT
Name: Mari Takahashi
Phone Number: 310-255-6482
THERAPIST
Therapist Code: T271130
Name: Ian Hecox, PSY.D.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\LOBBY\CAM1\2020.06.08\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{16:37:05}
[Unknown enters]
[Unknown approaches reception desk]
Unknown: Hey, uh, is Dr. Sohinki here?
Moat: Yeah. Do you have an appointment with him?
[Unknown nods]
Moat: All right. Name?
Unknown: [hesitates] Uh, Padilla? Anthony Padilla?
[Moat checks schedule]
Moat: okay. I’ll call for him. In the meantime, why don’t you take a seat over there and fill these forms for me?
[Moat gives Unknown application forms]
[Unknown walks to couch in reception area]
[Unknown sits down and starts filling forms]
[Sohinki appears in lobby from office]
Sohinki: Hey Anthony! I’m glad you made it. How are you today?
Unknown: Hi. You’re Sohinki’s brother?
[Sohinki nods and walks to couch]
Sohinki: Yeah. Given how long you’ve been friends, I’m actually a little surprised that you and I haven’t met.
[Unknown chuckles awkwardly]
Sohinki: So Melanie has given you the forms to fill out. Why don’t you take those forms with you to my office? We’ll have to talk about your options, and I have more papers for you to read and sign once you’ve decided on whether or not you want the treatment my clinic offers.
Unknown: Okay.
Sohinki: All right. My office is this way.
[Unknown stands up]
[Sohinki walks to corridor]
[Unknown follows]
-.-.-.-
Anthony. I’m worried about you.
-Mari T. (2:47 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Anthony, pick up your phone. Please.
-Mari T. (2:58 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I’m coming over there if you don’t answer your phone. I mean it.
-Mari T. (3:06 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Don’t. I’m fine.
-Anthony P. (3:08 a.m. 03/17/2020)
No you’re not. I know you. And I don’t blame you, either.
-Mari T. (3:09 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Okay. Say I’m not okay. What do you want me to do?
-Anthony P. (3:10 a.m. 03/17/2020)
For starters, I would like you to pick up your phone. I want to talk to you. This sort of thing can’t be talked about over text.
-Mari T. (3:12 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I don’t want to talk about it.
-Anthony P. (3:13 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Not talking about it isn’t going to do anything.
-Mari T. (3:13 a.m. 03/17/2020)
And talking about it is going to do something? It’s 3 am. Leave me alone, Mari.
-Anthony P. (3:14 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I’m just worried about you, Anthony.
-Mari T. (3:15 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I know, and I appreciate that. But please, just leave me alone. I don’t think I’m up for talking right now.
-Anthony P. (3:17 a.m. 03/17/2020)
All right. But I’m going to your apartment later and I’m going to cook you breakfast. I don’t like the idea of you in that apartment alone. Get some sleep.
-Mari T. (3:18 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Thanks.
-Anthony P. (3:19 a.m. 03/17/2020)
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\SOHINKI_OFFICE\CAM1\2020.06.08\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{16:50:17}
[Sohinki enters office]
[Unknown enters office]
[Sohinki walks to seat behind desk]
[Sohinki sits down]
[Unknown closes door]
[Unknown sits on chair in front of desk]
Sohinki: Be honest with me. Do you really want to be here?
[Unknown hesitates]
Unknown: [sighs] No. Yes. I don’t know.
[Sohinki blinks, then nods]
Unknown: I’m sorry. I’m gonna go. [stands up from seat] Sorry for wasting your time, uh…
Sohinki: Daniel. Please call me Daniel. And you’re really not wasting my time, Anthony. Will you please sit back down? If you’re not sure about being here, I can at least help you make a decision.
Unknown: [inhales sharply] Okay. Uh, yeah, okay. [sits down]
Sohinki: Okay. I respect that you’re not sure you want to undergo therapy here, or anywhere, for that matter. Is it fine with you if I talk to you about what you’re going to have to do if you do decide to take me up on my offer, though? I just want to make sure that you know what I’m offering here, as well as what the documents you’re going to have to read and submit are if you do choose to accept my offer.
Unknown: [nods] Yeah, okay. Sure.
Sohinki: Feel free to stop me anytime if you really think this isn’t the option for you, okay?
[Unknown nods]
Sohinki: I’m going to try and make this as short and precise as possible. Basically, I’m offering therapy sessions with one of my psychotherapists in the clinic.
Unknown: [surprised] You’re not going to be, uh, in charge of me, or something?
Sohinki: [shakes head] No. Even though I know you would prefer to talk to someone you personally know, I think you’re not particularly happy with the idea of talking to me.
Unknown: Why wouldn’t I be?
Sohinki: Well, you don’t really know me personally. And I can see that you’re hesitant to talk to me because I’m much closer to your friend-who is my brother, so that’s understandable-than to you. Basically, you don’t really know me. You only know of me. Does that make sense?
Unknown: [blinks] Uh, yeah, actually. [pauses] Sorry.
Sohinki: It’s fine. Understandable, really.
Unknown: So, uh, say I do accept your offer. Who’s going to be, uh, in charge of me? Who’s the shrink?
Sohinki: Well, I’m still going to have to figure that out yet. Don’t worry, though, all of my, uh, colleagues are very capable and highly-skilled.
[Unknown nods]
Sohinki: So those papers in your hands are just basic application forms given to you by Melanie, yes? If you choose to participate, I’m going to have to give you some more forms to read and fill out, ranging from personality questionnaires to consent forms.
Unkown: Consent forms?
Sohinki: This approach to Psychotherapy is still relatively new. It’s not too far off from different types of Psychotherapy like Interpersonal Therapy and Cognitive Behavior Therapy, but we are focusing much more on the humanistic school of thought here, so your individual sessions with your therapist have a decidedly great weight as to your growth.
Unkown: How new is this, uh, thing?
Sohinki: Very new. It’s still in its early stages. The consent forms are needed because this is a research I’m conducting.
Unknown: Uh.
Sohinki: I’m going to let you think about your options, okay? But before that, let me talk about this first.
Unknown: Okay.
Sohinki: Thank you.
[Sohinki opens desk drawer and pulls out brown folder]
Sohinki: [hands folder to Unknown] Here. It’s the finer details of my study. This study is mainly concerned with, as I said before, a relatively new approach to Psychotherapy, and just how effective this new approach to Psychotherapy is. What mainly differentiates this approach to others, you see, are important variables such as the technology used, as well as the time frame. Unlike other sessions, the sessions you will be having with one of my therapists are not timed and are not defined by strict scheduling.
Unknown: I don’t know…
Sohinki: Please. Just think about it. The papers concerning the study are all there. Let me just give you some more of the paperwork, and just think about it. If you think this will be good for you, just read the documents, fill out and sign the forms, and submit them to me. If you don’t think this is good for you, then just don’t show up.
[Unknown sighs]
[Sohinki grabs folder from cabinet behind desk]
[Sohinki sits down]
Sohinki: [hands folder to Unknown] Look, just think about it. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call me.
[Sohinki reaches into pocket and hands Unknown a business card]
Unknown: [nods] Okay. I, uh…okay. Sure.
[Unknown stands up]
Sohinki: It was nice meeting you, Anthony.
Unknown: You too, Daniel.
[Unknown leaves office]
-.-.-.-
February 6, 2020
Michael F. Bartlett, M.D
President
Research and Development Division
Bartlett International Clinics
Dear Dr. Bartlett,
I would like to formally thank you for choosing my application for the grant. I understand that there were limited slots and that there were thousands-if not tens of thousands-of other innovative researches that were after the grant the prestigious Bartlett International Clinics is offering, and the knowledge that I am one of ten recipients makes me feel incredibly proud, as well as honored.
Psychotherapy is a broader and more intricate field of study now than ever before, and to be able to be given the chance to contribute to its growth not only through clinical work, but through laboratory research as well is a privilege I have been lucky enough to have gotten.
Thank you for this wonderful opportunity. I look forward to working with you.
Sincerely,
Daniel Sohinki, M.D, Psy.D.
-.-.-.-
I’m worried about Anthony.
-Mari T. (3:25 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I know. He’s allowed to grieve, Mari. The funeral was just yesterday.
-Matt S. (3:30 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Yeah, I know that. It’s just that, yesterday, he looked like he hadn’t been getting some rest. Maybe one of us should stay with him at his apartment for a few days/weeks?
-Mari T. (3:33 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I know you’re trying to help, Mari, but I think that’s not the best way to do so. Anthony probably won’t appreciate us being in his personal space. If anything, he’s probably going to want to be alone for a few days.
-Matt S. (3:36 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I don’t feel fine knowing that Anthony’s going to have to stay in that apartment alone.
-Mari T. (3:37 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I know. But if you want to do things like these, you should ask him first. He probably won’t like you making his decisions for him.
-Matt S. (3:38 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Okay. You’re right. Thank you.
-Mari T. (3:38 a.m. 03/17/2020)
-.-.-.-
Smosh (@Smosh)
We miss you already, @_Ryan_Todd_. We hope you’re happy, wherever you might be. Thank you for everything.
10:08 AM - 14 March 2020
-.-.-.-
So, how was it?
-Mari T. (5:42 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I don’t know. It was okay, I guess.
-Anthony P. (5:42 p.m. 06/08/2020)
??? What does that mean?
-Mari T. (5:42 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Apparently, this guy’s method is still experimental or something. It’s kind of making me not want to go. I don’t want to waste my time with this.
-Anthony P. (5:44 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Experimental or not, this is still better than doing nothing. And there’s always another option, you know. You could go to another therapist. You don’t have to stick with Sohinki’s brother. You can always choose another therapist.
-Mari T. (5:47 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I guess so.
-Anthony P. (5:48 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m happy whatever you choose to do, Anthony. I just can’t stand the idea of you not moving on. It’s been almost two months. It’s time.
-Mari T. (5:49 p.m. 06/08/2020)
You know he and I have been friends for more than a decade, right? I don’t think a month’s enough time to grieve.
-Anthony P. (5:50 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m not telling you to stop grieving. I’m telling you to start trying to move on. If you only moved on after more than a decade because that’s how long you’ve been friends with him, I feel like you’d be worse then than now.
-Mari T. (5:52 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m sorry. That was harsh. I’m just worried about you. We all are.
-Mari T. (5:52 p.m. 06/08/2020)
It’s fine. You’re right anyway.
-Anthony P. (5:54 p.m. 06/08/2020)
So how was it?
-Mari T. (5:54 p.m. 06/08/2020)
It was okay. He talked to me about what the sessions were going to be. He’s not going to be my shrink.
-Anthony P. (5:55 p.m. 06/08/2020)
??? What? Then what’s the point of going to him if he’s not going to be your therapist? I thought the whole point was that you wanted to talk to someone you know?
-Mari T. (5:57 p.m. 06/08/2020)
It’s fine. I think it’s actually better this way.
-Anthony P. (5:58 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Really?
-Mari T. (5:58 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Yes really. He gave me some documents to read over and sign, plus some forms to fill out.
-Anthony P. (5:59 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Make sure you read those documents.
-Mari T. (5:59 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Yeah yeah. No need to tell me that.
-Anthony P. (5:59 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m serious. Read them. What forms are you supposed to fill out?
-Mari T. (6:00 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Personality tests, interests, some other weird stuff. He says his brand of therapy is still experimental so I’m not really questioning much. It’s not like I’m actually going to talk to his therapist.
-Anthony P. (6:02 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Anthony. Don’t joke about that.
-Mari T. (6:03 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m not. Do you honestly think I’ll be able to volunteer a lot of information to a practical stranger? I don’t care if that stranger’s a doctor with actual qualifications to get me to talk. That guy’s still a stranger, and he still won’t understand anything.
-Anthony P. (6:06 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m not asking you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I’m not telling you to tell this therapist all your darkest secrets in one sitting. What I’m asking you to do is to at least try. Ryan wouldn’t have wanted you to stay like this.
-Mari T. (6:08 p.m. 06/08/2020)
That’s low, Mari.
-Anthony P. (6:09 p.m. 06/08/2020)
It’s the truth. If you were dead instead of him, you wouldn’t have wanted him to waste away like you are. You would have wanted him to get some help. Take this seriously, Anthony. Please.
-Mari T. (6:11 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Fine.
-Anthony P. (6:14 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Thank you.
-Mari T. (6:14 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Part two here.