long time no see...
Well it has been a while since I have last journal'd.Where oh where shall I begin? Home life sucks, my job sucks, haven't been able to get any call backs from the ATL. All that aside and life is just dandy. The same shit is rambling thru my mind like always, and it is always the same old shit. My future..
question...what do you do when one of those ppl who actually support you continually makes negative remarks about the shit you say and do? Though they may be joking, which I'm sure they are, how do I let them know that they have hurt my feelings when I know they dont mean to? At times I think that it is just my over-active imagination..blah, blah, blah...which leads me into my next issue...I feel like i am sinking back into that oblivion that held me for so long, what is interesting is that it has nothing to do with what it used to, but something new all together. Something that means so much to me that i can't fully explain in words how it makes me feel. So many of the characteristics about me that i thought I had worked thru/changed seems to be coming back. I recognize this, so I have taken a step back to examine the situation. And damn does it scare the shit out of me. It's a one lane road that splits at a particular intersection and yet continues to weave in and out of each other, thus not giving me an exact answer to the problem I see ahead. All this leading me to seriously question my sanity.
What I want is not exactly what I need, nor would it prove positive if obtained. no, now that i think on it, its not what i want, i want to feel the way it makes me feel. and here I go crying...such a woman....because how can I truly trust that feeling? this thing that makes me all warm and fuzzy and tingly and full of smiles. How can it not be real. I am just afraid that i will end up choking it to death.
question...what do you do when one of those ppl who actually support you continually makes negative remarks about the shit you say and do? Though they may be joking, which I'm sure they are, how do I let them know that they have hurt my feelings when I know they dont mean to? At times I think that it is just my over-active imagination..blah, blah, blah...which leads me into my next issue...I feel like i am sinking back into that oblivion that held me for so long, what is interesting is that it has nothing to do with what it used to, but something new all together. Something that means so much to me that i can't fully explain in words how it makes me feel. So many of the characteristics about me that i thought I had worked thru/changed seems to be coming back. I recognize this, so I have taken a step back to examine the situation. And damn does it scare the shit out of me. It's a one lane road that splits at a particular intersection and yet continues to weave in and out of each other, thus not giving me an exact answer to the problem I see ahead. All this leading me to seriously question my sanity.
What I want is not exactly what I need, nor would it prove positive if obtained. no, now that i think on it, its not what i want, i want to feel the way it makes me feel. and here I go crying...such a woman....because how can I truly trust that feeling? this thing that makes me all warm and fuzzy and tingly and full of smiles. How can it not be real. I am just afraid that i will end up choking it to death.