(no subject)
so tonight was less than stellar and now that i sit here, in my apt alone, i'm thinkin this ol journal might be the best place to vent/ramble...so here goes nothing...
The countdown has begun...I have approximately 9 weeks to get my shit in order...maybe that's too much pressure. My mom has decided that she would LOVE to have me move back in w/ she and my brother. She seems to have overlooked the fact that I have not spent more than 3 weeks at a time at my 'home' since I was 18. She also seems to have overlooked the fact that I have no bedroom. awesome. I know that I don't need to have a life plan set in stone when I graduate, but it sure would be nice not to feel like I have something figured out. It's a strange idea to entertain--that my undergrad career has less than a quarter left. so much to do. to savor. so little time. damnit.
every now and then, more frequently recently, i've been taking a step back and looking at my life--my daily chaos. Sometimes I feel like a hamster on a wheel, constantly running, but not getting anywhere. i miss the days of boredom--with no responsibilities or duties lingering overhead. shit--is this what adult life is like? damn.
so back to tonight...I decided not to drink much for a few reasons one being budget, the second being the fact that I am sick and i've learned my lesson more times than i care to remember about not drinking when sick. so, sober I stayed. interesting perspective being the sober girl. it's a little more lonely than drunken girl. I used to think that i was fine being single because I cherish my independence. currently i'm feeling like i want a chance to maintain both--i think that's possible. I have a lot of respect for the couples with amazing relationships who also maintain their own, independent lives. that's what I want. definitely not holding the breath for that one though--seeing as how the first step would be to get a date...baby steps...
something else i've been thinking...i don't think i share with the people in my life how much I value and appreciate their friendships. I think i get so busy that i forget little, but important things like that. So, as cheesy and insincere as this may appear, for those of you who willingly and frequently listen to me talk in circles, rant and vent, or who at the drop of a hat ran to a random happy hour or concert with me, i do appreciate it and value you and i promise to try and remind you of that more often.
it's funny the patterns we all fall into. relationships, habits, daily rhythms. i'm not sure that i fully understand or am satisfied by mine....but that's another thought for another night.....ok, i'm done now. if you made it through all that you get a gold star:)
The countdown has begun...I have approximately 9 weeks to get my shit in order...maybe that's too much pressure. My mom has decided that she would LOVE to have me move back in w/ she and my brother. She seems to have overlooked the fact that I have not spent more than 3 weeks at a time at my 'home' since I was 18. She also seems to have overlooked the fact that I have no bedroom. awesome. I know that I don't need to have a life plan set in stone when I graduate, but it sure would be nice not to feel like I have something figured out. It's a strange idea to entertain--that my undergrad career has less than a quarter left. so much to do. to savor. so little time. damnit.
every now and then, more frequently recently, i've been taking a step back and looking at my life--my daily chaos. Sometimes I feel like a hamster on a wheel, constantly running, but not getting anywhere. i miss the days of boredom--with no responsibilities or duties lingering overhead. shit--is this what adult life is like? damn.
so back to tonight...I decided not to drink much for a few reasons one being budget, the second being the fact that I am sick and i've learned my lesson more times than i care to remember about not drinking when sick. so, sober I stayed. interesting perspective being the sober girl. it's a little more lonely than drunken girl. I used to think that i was fine being single because I cherish my independence. currently i'm feeling like i want a chance to maintain both--i think that's possible. I have a lot of respect for the couples with amazing relationships who also maintain their own, independent lives. that's what I want. definitely not holding the breath for that one though--seeing as how the first step would be to get a date...baby steps...
something else i've been thinking...i don't think i share with the people in my life how much I value and appreciate their friendships. I think i get so busy that i forget little, but important things like that. So, as cheesy and insincere as this may appear, for those of you who willingly and frequently listen to me talk in circles, rant and vent, or who at the drop of a hat ran to a random happy hour or concert with me, i do appreciate it and value you and i promise to try and remind you of that more often.
it's funny the patterns we all fall into. relationships, habits, daily rhythms. i'm not sure that i fully understand or am satisfied by mine....but that's another thought for another night.....ok, i'm done now. if you made it through all that you get a gold star:)