(no subject)
i stayed home from school today. i felt like shit. this cold needs to go away and soon. i went to bed early last night but i woke up feeling like i hadnt slept at all. plus i threw up. dont know how since there was nothing in my stomache. so i said screw it and went back to bed. i woke up around 11 and ate food and watched charmed. then iwent to work and did homework. jarrad waited for me after work and walked me to my car. we talked about our plans on wed. they're a little hazy but so far we're definetly hanging out. i offered him a ride home and when i parked the car i was hoping beyond hope that hed kiss me like always but instead he told me to call him and then he gave me a hug and left. major disappointment. i know he said he wants to be friends but hes giving me mixed signals. i dunno. i called him today and i woke him up. i felt bad. he was like "can i call you back babe when im awake?" so i said sure. then he mumbled something and i asked him to repeat himself. and i swear to god he said i love you so without even thinking i said i love you too. and he said ok ill talk to you later and hung up. he didnt call back no surprise there but i saw him at work and he gave me that smile that makes me melt. everytime i see him he always gives me that smile. so when i apoligized for waking him up he didnt even remember that i called! im so confused. im in love with him yet at the moment i cant have him and its killing me. i want to kiss him so bad but i know i cant. i hope that things go well on wed. brenna is pretty sure that we'll probably end up making out sometime during the night. i duno know. i just dont know. i dont kow how long im willing to wait. all i know is im in love and hes just not ready. i know he has alot on his plate too thats why im trying not to push it but i cant help it. why am i so hooked? it hurt when he didnt kiss me good night. i kno hes not doing it on purpose but it hurt and i was disappointed. i dont know any more. i hope things work out for the better for us. i really do. hes suppose to call me back but i know he wont. he never does. i wish he could pick up the damn phone and call me like he says he will. thats his only flaw at the moment. n e wayz im gonna go. im tired. ill keep you updated. bye.