on letting go。
"Hello We Are... (DBSK)
This was... (DBSK)
Thank you...
Miss this more than anyone."
-- park yoochun, 050910 cyworld entry
just saw the recent news. its EXACTLY what i've been thinking about all day long. yes. things are VERY difficult right now. JAECHUNSU has LOST FAITH IN SME, so there's no way they will go back. but if they don't go back, there can never be DONG BANG SHIN KI again, no matter how much they miss this. unless homin leaves, but i don't think they will either DD:
yesterday, yoochun finally updated his cyworld, and he finally wrote about the lawsuit. i believe this is the VERY first time any members has spoken about this. & gosh, yoochun has been so damn strong throughout these 10+ months of pure hell. he never gave up hope, and he always smiled and told us to "always keep the faith." BUT when i see that he's FINALLY starting to lose this faith, when he's turning emo... this is the time when i wonder if the END IS NEAR.
and im beginning to realize that no matter how much they love the fans and love each other, they'll need to find their OWN HAPPINESS in the end. i know that their happiness had came in the form of each other, but if that can no longer bring them any happiness, instead bring them heartbreaks and tearsdrops... then they'll have to find a new happiness that might not include each other. (no matter how hard it is) and i honestly wonder if this is what yoochun meant in his message, or am i reading too much between the lines?
i can't lie and say my heart isnt breaking right now but i've been telling myself saying this over and over again, i will stop being selfish and let them go down their own paths towards their own goals and dreams. and at the end of this long journey, when they finally meet again (if i could walk across the seas, can i reach you?), it's going to be the most emotional and heartwarming reunion we'll ever going to see. ;_;
so now, starting tonight, i will learn to stop falling so hard. i will learn to stop loving so hard, and i will learn how to let go. to something that has become SO important to me over these amazing three years. (maybe this is all a part of the process of growing up?)
to my amazing dbsk family, we all need to move on eventually. we can't wish for time to stop anymore, life simply doesn't end because our fandom will end (because everything and all things doesn't last forever) but we'll be okay. we'll make it through, somehow. we always have. D: we'll just pick ourselves up at the end of the day, and grow a little stronger... and little by little, it's not going to hurt as much. and then we'll be able to look back at these days as one of the happiest moments of our lives. because we fell so hard for these five AMAZING boys who made such a huge impact of our lives, who brought us lots of laughters, so much happy memories, and they brought together all of us from all over the world. i won't forget about you, i won't. no matter how much tears was shed in the end, i will only remember those good times and never the bad.
/sighs. this was supposed to be a short entry, but all these things have been kept inside of me for months now and i finally need to rant this all out. and im feeling so much better now. apparently we're going to find out everything by the end of May... so i say, come back may. and im going to be ready for whatever comes my way.
i will still have hope, no matter how small it might seem right now, but but im just trying to prepare myself.. that's all. but deep down, i know i'll hold on to them, until they tell me to let go.
-jinny
ps. i will be happier by the end of this week, i promise ;_;