Full Disclosure
Title: Full Disclosure
Author: lavender_love00
Word Count: 2672
Rating: PG-13/light R for mentions of sex and suicidal ideation
Summary: Kurt and Blaine confess things that they've never told each other before.
Author's note: Huge thanks to judearaya for beta-ing and to wowbright for reading it over before it was posted! Love you girls :)
It's two A.M., and Kurt and Blaine are lying on Kurt's bed in his shoebox apartment, both of them naked as jaybirds. They've weaved their legs and their fingers together, because Kurt can't stay inside of Blaine forever (although that's really what they want), and they want to stay close. Connected. Entangled.
Much like both their hearts.
Blaine's gazing at Kurt, completely smitten. He can't get enough of this man, his soft skin, his lean muscles, the sparse, baby-fine hair that dusts his chest. He has pictures of Kurt's body, zoomed-in and intimate, that he looks at back home when the missing gets to be too much, but it's never the same. Now that he's here, Blaine wants everything.
He runs his big toe up the side of Kurt's foot and makes him shiver like always. "Okay, confession time," Blaine says softly, petting a hand over Kurt's hair.
"What?" Kurt freezes under Blaine's fingers, his brow furrowing for the first time all evening.
Blaine's heart beats too fast. "No, no, not that kind of confession," he rushes to correct himself.
"What then?" Kurt asks, his face softening again. "Tell me."
"I just - I miss you," Blaine whispers, loosening his fingers from Kurt's so he can run them down his bare, beautiful shoulders. "It's hard, being so far away. I want to take something home with me - something new."
"Blaine, you know I will explore any possible realm of sexual adventure with you, but we've gone twice tonight already, and I'm flattered, but I don't think -"
Blaine cuts him off with a delighted laugh. "No! Although that topic is definitely worth revisiting," he grins.
"Duly noted," Kurt grins back.
"I meant - words, Kurt. I want to know your secrets. Things you've never told me before. That kind of new thing."
"Oh." Kurt is quiet as he replies, and Blaine can tell he's thinking.
He waits.
"But," Kurt finally says, "is there anything we don’t know already? I tell you everything."
God, Blaine loves him, and he squeezes Kurt tight and plants kisses in his hair to show him just how much. It's not possible to show him just how much.
"We lived whole lives before each other," Blaine tells him in between kisses. "There's got to be something."
Kurt hums as Blaine's lips move lower, down his perfect jawline and into the dip of his collarbone. "Oh! I have one, actually."
"What is it?" Blaine presses a line of kisses down Kurt's sternum.
"When we first met, I thought you were a senior."
Blaine's head snaps up. "You - wait, what?"
Kurt giggles underneath him. "I did. Oh, god, this is embarrassing. You were just so … debonair, Blaine. You were dashing at sixteen."
"Barely sixteen - I'd just had my birthday a couple weeks before we met! When did you find out?" Blaine is giddy with this news - it's a gift, learning any new thing about Kurt.
"When I registered for classes at Dalton. Remember on the tour, when Mrs. Gilbert referred to the sophomore hall, 'where most of Blaine's classes are?' I almost ran into the wall."
Blaine's laughing now, trying his best to remember that day. He'd gotten to attend Kurt's tour, as he was friendly with the secretaries and was a member of Dalton's New Student Welcoming Committee. He wanted to be collected and charming and polite because Kurt's dad was there, but he was a ball of nerves that morning. He tied his tie too tightly around his neck, put way too much gel in his hair, and nearly spilled his coffee down the front of his shirt - but all that anxiety settled when Kurt showed up in his Navigator, looking like he stepped right off the red carpet and into Blaine's school.
"Don't laugh, Blaine - it was a legitimate mistake, what with all your Courage texts and your charm and your blazer. I couldn't help it." Kurt's grinning widely at him, walking his fingers up and down Blaine's bare arm.
"I can't believe you never told me!" Blaine exclaims, his eyes shining. "Oh my god, my ego would have grown three sizes if you'd told me that."
"Which is precisely why I didn't," Kurt says with a smirk. "Now, your turn."
Blaine flops to his back, winding his hands behind his head. "Hmm," he ponders, his mind wandering back over the past three years. "Oh, I've got one, but it might be a little creepy…"
"Come on, tell. I told mine."
"Welllll," he drawls, "it was right after you transferred back to McKinley. Do you remember that old Buckeyes sweatshirt that you let me have? Your arms had gotten too long for the sleeves and you made me promise to never let anyone know it was yours."
"Of course I remember that," Kurt says. "You looked adorable in it."
Blaine sighs. "I bought a bottle of your cologne and sprayed it on the sweatshirt and slept with it, every night, because I missed you so much. I wore it when it was cold, too - it felt like I was wrapped up in a big Kurt hug." His cheeks flush, and his voice drops low. "Actually - I still do that, sometimes. On bad days."
"Oh, Blaine -" Kurt breathes, moving closer, and Blaine finds himself wrapped in a real Kurt hug.
"But it's never as good as this," he whispers.
Kurt nudges Blaine's shoulder with his own. "Stop it! You're going to make me cry."
"Sorry." Blaine manages to wiggle his arm underneath Kurt's waist, squeezes back hard. "I love you."
"Mmm, I love you, too." Kurt grins, pulling back a little. "I have another one. But if you think the sweatshirt thing is creepy …"
"No, no, tell! What is it?"
"On the night of Rachel's party - the one where you made out with her and then passed out drunk in my bed?"
Blaine groans, squeezing his eyes shut. "Please don't remind me."
"I was so mad at you that night, Blaine. I don't think I've ever been that mad at you. But I loved you in spite of your temporary foray into bisexuality, so I took you home and slid your shoes off, and you grinned down at me and told me that I was your best friend, that no one else has ever been that nice to you before. And then you snuggled down into my blankets and you looked like a little kid, and I just couldn't be mad at you - at least for the rest of the night," Kurt says.
"Aww, Kurt," Blaine smiles, "how's that creepy?" Kurt shakes his head.
"I'm not finished yet," he says. "God, I can't believe I did this …" He pauses, taking a deep breath. "So, I wasn't going to sleep in the bed with you. I was just going to lie down on the floor - but you looked so cute, and I was so tired. I tucked the blankets up around your chin and kissed you on the cheek, and then on the forehead and the next thing I know, I'm in bed next to you. And - don't hate me -"
"I could never," Blaine murmurs.
"You kind of snuggled up next to me, and - Blaine, you have to understand, you have this effect on me. I know we weren't dating yet, but you were so warm and you smelled like boy and -"
"What, baby?"
"I popped this instantaneous boner the second your back touched my chest."
Blaine barks out a laugh. "I don't remember that at all!"
"Good, because it gets worse." Kurt's cheeks are scarlet. "At some point, you shifted, and your ass rubbed over my dick. I thought I was going to come right then, right on your ass, and I had to go jerk off in the bathroom - I think it's the hardest I had ever come, up to that point in my life." Kurt's hands are on his face, and he's talking through his fingers.
Blaine smiles, gently peels his fingers away one by one, kissing them as he goes. "I love," he says, "that I have an effect on you. I'm sorry that it took me so long to see what I had right in front of me. Don't be embarrassed, Kurt - and really, it's my fault if I was the one rubbing my ass on your dick. Maybe my subconscious knew that we were destined to fall in love and have very, very excellent sex one day."
Kurt giggles. "Maybe so, but still … what a creepy thing to do! You were my best friend!"
"Who you'd harbored an enormous crush on for like six months by that point," Blaine points out. "It's fine. I promise."
"If you say so …" Kurt props up on an elbow, rests his head on his hand. "Tell me one about when you were younger. Before I met you."
"Most of my secrets from back then are kind of sad, Kurt."
"Most of my secrets from before I met you are kind of sad, too," Kurt says. "I want to hear them anyway."
"Okay," Blaine says, and he rolls onto his back again, contemplating the ceiling. Kurt follows him, curling at his side. "I stole a tube of my mom's mascara and a couple lipsticks when I was thirteen."
"Oh my god," Kurt breathes reverently, "I've never thought to put mascara on you …"
"Yeah - I guess I was kind of pretty," Blaine admits, remembering how he'd gazed, fascinated with his face in the mirror.
"Oh, I bet you were."
"But when my mom realized they were gone, she accused Penny, our housekeeper, of taking them. And then she fired her, Kurt. Over a tube of mascara and some lipstick. I never confessed it was me, because I thought they'd kick me out of the house if they knew."
Kurt's hand slips into his.
"That was the moment I stopped respecting my parents."
"I'm sorry," Kurt murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.
Blaine rolls to his side, pulls the sheet that's been kicked to the bottom of the bed up over them both. "Your turn. One from when you were little."
Kurt chuckles. "When I was in first grade, there was this kid - Brandon was his name, I think. His favorite hobby was torturing me. One day, on the playground, it just got too much. He just kept taunting, kept jeering at me, so I did a big, bad, scary thing - I picked up a pebble and threw it at him. It hit him in the face, which I wasn't really aiming for, to be honest. It wasn't big enough to have hurt, but the look of shock on his face…"
"What did he do?" Blaine asks, squeezing Kurt's hand.
"Oh, he yelled a bunch of stuff about tattling on me to Mrs. White. Being the timid little 7-year-old I was - I hadn't grown the backbone I have now - I got scared. So - and I still can't believe I did this - I went and found the principal at lunchtime that day and told her what I'd done."
Blaine laughs. "If you're gonna confess, might as well confess to the big dogs, right?"
"Something like that," Kurt grins. "She told me not to throw pebbles at people, but she also said that she understood, and that people shouldn't be treated badly just because they wear different clothes."
"She sounds like a good principal."
"Well, if you don't count the fact that I was bullied the entire time I was in elementary school and nothing real was ever done about it," Kurt says.
"…Oh."
"Yes. Oh." Kurt sighs. "Part of me wants to say screw performing, and get a degree in education so I can go into schools and suspend every last kid who acts like a little shit - but I don't think they'd let somebody like me be in charge of the care of children."
"Then they're all idiots," Blaine says softly. "Somebody needs to do something."
"Yeah. Your turn?"
Blaine swallows. "I've never told this to anyone before."
Kurt grins. "Yes, honey, that's the definition of a secret."
"No, I mean - like, nobody knows about this. The other stuff I'm sure will get told as cute stories to our kids one day -" Blaine stops. "I mean. Um. Not that I think -"
Kurt's lips press over Blaine's silencing him. "Shhhh," he says once he's pulled away, a finger pressed over his lips. Then he leans close, their faces almost touching, and his breath ghosts over Blaine's ear as he whispers, "I dream about it, too. Keep going."
"Okay." Blaine can't keep the smile out of his voice, his lips curling into a grin as he looks down at the sheet. "Yeah, okay. So - the bullying thing." His grin fades. "Kurt, I don't want you to think - I'm not -"
Kurt pets his hair, his face. "Blaine. You can trust me with anything, okay? It's fine."
"It's not that I don't trust you, it's just - fuck it," he breathes. "After Sadie Hawkins, before Dalton, I made a list. Of ways to end things. I wrote a note. I made out this horrible will, that told which of my possessions would go to who. I - I had it narrowed down to two plans, Kurt."
"Blaine …"
"I made one last-ditch effort to appeal to my mom, which basically meant that I was on my knees, crying, begging her to move me somewhere else. If that didn’t work, I would've done it that weekend, when they both went out of town on business. Dad walked in, looked at Mom, and I've never seen either of them look so confused in my life." Blaine pauses - Kurt's staring at him, his mouth slightly ajar. "It was the tears that did it, I guess. They said I'd never have to go back to my old school, and I transferred to Dalton a week later."
Blaine catches a glimpse of Kurt's tear-filled eyes before he's being tugged harshly into a tight hug. "You have to tell me," Kurt hisses, pulling back but hanging onto Blaine's shoulders, "if you ever feel like that again. Blaine -"
"No, no, I don’t. I haven't since. It got better once I was at Dalton, and then I met you …"
He's pulled into another hug, and this one lingers. "I can't - I don't know what I would've done," Kurt mumbles into his shoulder. "I almost lost you before I even met you."
"But you didn't." Blaine forces his voice to be firm, not watery like he feels inside. "And I'm here now."
"You are." Blaine can hear the smile in Kurt's voice now, even though his face is still smushed into his shoulder. "You're here in New York. With me."
"Just like we always dreamed," Blaine whispers. "Right?"
"Well, if it was just like we dreamed, you wouldn't have to go back to Lima on Tuesday …"
Blaine shakes his head. "Nope, shhh, we're not talking about that. I'm here Kurt, right now. Let's talk about that instead."
Kurt gazes at him, and Blaine melts under his steady, blue eyes. "I can't believe you never told me," he says, gently brushing his fingers against Blaine's cheek.
"It seemed like a moot point," Blaine said. "After I met you, even when things were hard, I had hope. Bringing it up, even now - it's just kind of depressing, you know?"
"I'm so glad you never went through with it," Kurt says softly.
Blaine's lips turn upward into a wry smile. "Yeah, well, you're not the only one."
"You want to know another secret?"
"I want to know any secret you'll tell me," Blaine says truthfully.
Kurt leans close, hovering over him, and Blaine smiles as Kurt's breath ghosts over his face.
"I want to do this - be with you, live with you, make a home with you - until the day I die, Blaine."
Blaine's eyes dart upwards, meeting Kurt's. "Was that a proposal?"
"Not yet," Kurt smiles. "But it will be, one day."
Author: lavender_love00
Word Count: 2672
Rating: PG-13/light R for mentions of sex and suicidal ideation
Summary: Kurt and Blaine confess things that they've never told each other before.
Author's note: Huge thanks to judearaya for beta-ing and to wowbright for reading it over before it was posted! Love you girls :)
It's two A.M., and Kurt and Blaine are lying on Kurt's bed in his shoebox apartment, both of them naked as jaybirds. They've weaved their legs and their fingers together, because Kurt can't stay inside of Blaine forever (although that's really what they want), and they want to stay close. Connected. Entangled.
Much like both their hearts.
Blaine's gazing at Kurt, completely smitten. He can't get enough of this man, his soft skin, his lean muscles, the sparse, baby-fine hair that dusts his chest. He has pictures of Kurt's body, zoomed-in and intimate, that he looks at back home when the missing gets to be too much, but it's never the same. Now that he's here, Blaine wants everything.
He runs his big toe up the side of Kurt's foot and makes him shiver like always. "Okay, confession time," Blaine says softly, petting a hand over Kurt's hair.
"What?" Kurt freezes under Blaine's fingers, his brow furrowing for the first time all evening.
Blaine's heart beats too fast. "No, no, not that kind of confession," he rushes to correct himself.
"What then?" Kurt asks, his face softening again. "Tell me."
"I just - I miss you," Blaine whispers, loosening his fingers from Kurt's so he can run them down his bare, beautiful shoulders. "It's hard, being so far away. I want to take something home with me - something new."
"Blaine, you know I will explore any possible realm of sexual adventure with you, but we've gone twice tonight already, and I'm flattered, but I don't think -"
Blaine cuts him off with a delighted laugh. "No! Although that topic is definitely worth revisiting," he grins.
"Duly noted," Kurt grins back.
"I meant - words, Kurt. I want to know your secrets. Things you've never told me before. That kind of new thing."
"Oh." Kurt is quiet as he replies, and Blaine can tell he's thinking.
He waits.
"But," Kurt finally says, "is there anything we don’t know already? I tell you everything."
God, Blaine loves him, and he squeezes Kurt tight and plants kisses in his hair to show him just how much. It's not possible to show him just how much.
"We lived whole lives before each other," Blaine tells him in between kisses. "There's got to be something."
Kurt hums as Blaine's lips move lower, down his perfect jawline and into the dip of his collarbone. "Oh! I have one, actually."
"What is it?" Blaine presses a line of kisses down Kurt's sternum.
"When we first met, I thought you were a senior."
Blaine's head snaps up. "You - wait, what?"
Kurt giggles underneath him. "I did. Oh, god, this is embarrassing. You were just so … debonair, Blaine. You were dashing at sixteen."
"Barely sixteen - I'd just had my birthday a couple weeks before we met! When did you find out?" Blaine is giddy with this news - it's a gift, learning any new thing about Kurt.
"When I registered for classes at Dalton. Remember on the tour, when Mrs. Gilbert referred to the sophomore hall, 'where most of Blaine's classes are?' I almost ran into the wall."
Blaine's laughing now, trying his best to remember that day. He'd gotten to attend Kurt's tour, as he was friendly with the secretaries and was a member of Dalton's New Student Welcoming Committee. He wanted to be collected and charming and polite because Kurt's dad was there, but he was a ball of nerves that morning. He tied his tie too tightly around his neck, put way too much gel in his hair, and nearly spilled his coffee down the front of his shirt - but all that anxiety settled when Kurt showed up in his Navigator, looking like he stepped right off the red carpet and into Blaine's school.
"Don't laugh, Blaine - it was a legitimate mistake, what with all your Courage texts and your charm and your blazer. I couldn't help it." Kurt's grinning widely at him, walking his fingers up and down Blaine's bare arm.
"I can't believe you never told me!" Blaine exclaims, his eyes shining. "Oh my god, my ego would have grown three sizes if you'd told me that."
"Which is precisely why I didn't," Kurt says with a smirk. "Now, your turn."
Blaine flops to his back, winding his hands behind his head. "Hmm," he ponders, his mind wandering back over the past three years. "Oh, I've got one, but it might be a little creepy…"
"Come on, tell. I told mine."
"Welllll," he drawls, "it was right after you transferred back to McKinley. Do you remember that old Buckeyes sweatshirt that you let me have? Your arms had gotten too long for the sleeves and you made me promise to never let anyone know it was yours."
"Of course I remember that," Kurt says. "You looked adorable in it."
Blaine sighs. "I bought a bottle of your cologne and sprayed it on the sweatshirt and slept with it, every night, because I missed you so much. I wore it when it was cold, too - it felt like I was wrapped up in a big Kurt hug." His cheeks flush, and his voice drops low. "Actually - I still do that, sometimes. On bad days."
"Oh, Blaine -" Kurt breathes, moving closer, and Blaine finds himself wrapped in a real Kurt hug.
"But it's never as good as this," he whispers.
Kurt nudges Blaine's shoulder with his own. "Stop it! You're going to make me cry."
"Sorry." Blaine manages to wiggle his arm underneath Kurt's waist, squeezes back hard. "I love you."
"Mmm, I love you, too." Kurt grins, pulling back a little. "I have another one. But if you think the sweatshirt thing is creepy …"
"No, no, tell! What is it?"
"On the night of Rachel's party - the one where you made out with her and then passed out drunk in my bed?"
Blaine groans, squeezing his eyes shut. "Please don't remind me."
"I was so mad at you that night, Blaine. I don't think I've ever been that mad at you. But I loved you in spite of your temporary foray into bisexuality, so I took you home and slid your shoes off, and you grinned down at me and told me that I was your best friend, that no one else has ever been that nice to you before. And then you snuggled down into my blankets and you looked like a little kid, and I just couldn't be mad at you - at least for the rest of the night," Kurt says.
"Aww, Kurt," Blaine smiles, "how's that creepy?" Kurt shakes his head.
"I'm not finished yet," he says. "God, I can't believe I did this …" He pauses, taking a deep breath. "So, I wasn't going to sleep in the bed with you. I was just going to lie down on the floor - but you looked so cute, and I was so tired. I tucked the blankets up around your chin and kissed you on the cheek, and then on the forehead and the next thing I know, I'm in bed next to you. And - don't hate me -"
"I could never," Blaine murmurs.
"You kind of snuggled up next to me, and - Blaine, you have to understand, you have this effect on me. I know we weren't dating yet, but you were so warm and you smelled like boy and -"
"What, baby?"
"I popped this instantaneous boner the second your back touched my chest."
Blaine barks out a laugh. "I don't remember that at all!"
"Good, because it gets worse." Kurt's cheeks are scarlet. "At some point, you shifted, and your ass rubbed over my dick. I thought I was going to come right then, right on your ass, and I had to go jerk off in the bathroom - I think it's the hardest I had ever come, up to that point in my life." Kurt's hands are on his face, and he's talking through his fingers.
Blaine smiles, gently peels his fingers away one by one, kissing them as he goes. "I love," he says, "that I have an effect on you. I'm sorry that it took me so long to see what I had right in front of me. Don't be embarrassed, Kurt - and really, it's my fault if I was the one rubbing my ass on your dick. Maybe my subconscious knew that we were destined to fall in love and have very, very excellent sex one day."
Kurt giggles. "Maybe so, but still … what a creepy thing to do! You were my best friend!"
"Who you'd harbored an enormous crush on for like six months by that point," Blaine points out. "It's fine. I promise."
"If you say so …" Kurt props up on an elbow, rests his head on his hand. "Tell me one about when you were younger. Before I met you."
"Most of my secrets from back then are kind of sad, Kurt."
"Most of my secrets from before I met you are kind of sad, too," Kurt says. "I want to hear them anyway."
"Okay," Blaine says, and he rolls onto his back again, contemplating the ceiling. Kurt follows him, curling at his side. "I stole a tube of my mom's mascara and a couple lipsticks when I was thirteen."
"Oh my god," Kurt breathes reverently, "I've never thought to put mascara on you …"
"Yeah - I guess I was kind of pretty," Blaine admits, remembering how he'd gazed, fascinated with his face in the mirror.
"Oh, I bet you were."
"But when my mom realized they were gone, she accused Penny, our housekeeper, of taking them. And then she fired her, Kurt. Over a tube of mascara and some lipstick. I never confessed it was me, because I thought they'd kick me out of the house if they knew."
Kurt's hand slips into his.
"That was the moment I stopped respecting my parents."
"I'm sorry," Kurt murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.
Blaine rolls to his side, pulls the sheet that's been kicked to the bottom of the bed up over them both. "Your turn. One from when you were little."
Kurt chuckles. "When I was in first grade, there was this kid - Brandon was his name, I think. His favorite hobby was torturing me. One day, on the playground, it just got too much. He just kept taunting, kept jeering at me, so I did a big, bad, scary thing - I picked up a pebble and threw it at him. It hit him in the face, which I wasn't really aiming for, to be honest. It wasn't big enough to have hurt, but the look of shock on his face…"
"What did he do?" Blaine asks, squeezing Kurt's hand.
"Oh, he yelled a bunch of stuff about tattling on me to Mrs. White. Being the timid little 7-year-old I was - I hadn't grown the backbone I have now - I got scared. So - and I still can't believe I did this - I went and found the principal at lunchtime that day and told her what I'd done."
Blaine laughs. "If you're gonna confess, might as well confess to the big dogs, right?"
"Something like that," Kurt grins. "She told me not to throw pebbles at people, but she also said that she understood, and that people shouldn't be treated badly just because they wear different clothes."
"She sounds like a good principal."
"Well, if you don't count the fact that I was bullied the entire time I was in elementary school and nothing real was ever done about it," Kurt says.
"…Oh."
"Yes. Oh." Kurt sighs. "Part of me wants to say screw performing, and get a degree in education so I can go into schools and suspend every last kid who acts like a little shit - but I don't think they'd let somebody like me be in charge of the care of children."
"Then they're all idiots," Blaine says softly. "Somebody needs to do something."
"Yeah. Your turn?"
Blaine swallows. "I've never told this to anyone before."
Kurt grins. "Yes, honey, that's the definition of a secret."
"No, I mean - like, nobody knows about this. The other stuff I'm sure will get told as cute stories to our kids one day -" Blaine stops. "I mean. Um. Not that I think -"
Kurt's lips press over Blaine's silencing him. "Shhhh," he says once he's pulled away, a finger pressed over his lips. Then he leans close, their faces almost touching, and his breath ghosts over Blaine's ear as he whispers, "I dream about it, too. Keep going."
"Okay." Blaine can't keep the smile out of his voice, his lips curling into a grin as he looks down at the sheet. "Yeah, okay. So - the bullying thing." His grin fades. "Kurt, I don't want you to think - I'm not -"
Kurt pets his hair, his face. "Blaine. You can trust me with anything, okay? It's fine."
"It's not that I don't trust you, it's just - fuck it," he breathes. "After Sadie Hawkins, before Dalton, I made a list. Of ways to end things. I wrote a note. I made out this horrible will, that told which of my possessions would go to who. I - I had it narrowed down to two plans, Kurt."
"Blaine …"
"I made one last-ditch effort to appeal to my mom, which basically meant that I was on my knees, crying, begging her to move me somewhere else. If that didn’t work, I would've done it that weekend, when they both went out of town on business. Dad walked in, looked at Mom, and I've never seen either of them look so confused in my life." Blaine pauses - Kurt's staring at him, his mouth slightly ajar. "It was the tears that did it, I guess. They said I'd never have to go back to my old school, and I transferred to Dalton a week later."
Blaine catches a glimpse of Kurt's tear-filled eyes before he's being tugged harshly into a tight hug. "You have to tell me," Kurt hisses, pulling back but hanging onto Blaine's shoulders, "if you ever feel like that again. Blaine -"
"No, no, I don’t. I haven't since. It got better once I was at Dalton, and then I met you …"
He's pulled into another hug, and this one lingers. "I can't - I don't know what I would've done," Kurt mumbles into his shoulder. "I almost lost you before I even met you."
"But you didn't." Blaine forces his voice to be firm, not watery like he feels inside. "And I'm here now."
"You are." Blaine can hear the smile in Kurt's voice now, even though his face is still smushed into his shoulder. "You're here in New York. With me."
"Just like we always dreamed," Blaine whispers. "Right?"
"Well, if it was just like we dreamed, you wouldn't have to go back to Lima on Tuesday …"
Blaine shakes his head. "Nope, shhh, we're not talking about that. I'm here Kurt, right now. Let's talk about that instead."
Kurt gazes at him, and Blaine melts under his steady, blue eyes. "I can't believe you never told me," he says, gently brushing his fingers against Blaine's cheek.
"It seemed like a moot point," Blaine said. "After I met you, even when things were hard, I had hope. Bringing it up, even now - it's just kind of depressing, you know?"
"I'm so glad you never went through with it," Kurt says softly.
Blaine's lips turn upward into a wry smile. "Yeah, well, you're not the only one."
"You want to know another secret?"
"I want to know any secret you'll tell me," Blaine says truthfully.
Kurt leans close, hovering over him, and Blaine smiles as Kurt's breath ghosts over his face.
"I want to do this - be with you, live with you, make a home with you - until the day I die, Blaine."
Blaine's eyes dart upwards, meeting Kurt's. "Was that a proposal?"
"Not yet," Kurt smiles. "But it will be, one day."