(no subject)

[lavender315]

last night
on the midnight of my birthday
i had another in my bed
and it was okay
until he kissed me.
why did he do that
for some reason i guarded my lips.
it felt wrong.
it was like territory that he didn't have a right now.
i wanted to tell him..don't.
i wanted to tell him to stop.
but i couldn't.
just made that face.
that face of hurt.
that face of this isn't a good idea.
that face of question
but he kept kissing me without thinking twice.
how can he deal with me.
how can he like someone like me.
someone that only needs him when i need him.
who can't even kiss him because my lips belong to someone else, even though they don't.
i'm just as bad as any guy.
i wish he would hate me.
i wish he would tell me to fuck off.
cause i'd rather him see me for the horrible person i am, then to continue to fall for this illusion.