Today = Not Good
Not doing too hot today. I'm a fucking disaster actually. I started ok but then it was like a storm just descended on me and I've wanted nothing more than to be left alone to sob violently. But at the same time I think "Hey, stupid, no amount of crying is going to fix this!" and I think other things like
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I'm sorry you're going through all these things. I can understand the feeling psychotic part with the heaviness and crushing feelings. And the feeling weak. I was that way most of last year. And I understand not wanting to take meds. I mean, I'm a psychology major, and I still felt weak that I had to take them. But for most people they do help. And they aren't permanent. They just get you to a place where you can get past all the heaviness and darkness so that you can see and start working on what needs to be fixed. Sadly for me, they just made me, they made me too drowsy. But it's worth a shot :]
On another note, if you don't feel your therapist is helping and this isn't the way to go, perhaps it's time to find a different one? I know it took me a couple shots til I found one that was perfect. I do believe that they are worth seeing, if for nothing more than to vent and have someone put things into perspective. And while I feel that you should wait to make the decision to leave or stay with your husband until it seems your emotions are a little more stable and you can think more clearly, I think that if the only reasons you're staying are that everyone will hate you and you can't afford it, that's not enough.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with you :] I think anyone would feel the same way in the same situation. You're not psychotic. I think you're just upset and frustrated and hurting. And there's nothing wrong with crying over that.
I hope something happy comes along soon. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always available !
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