NEW USERNAME. I DID IT.

[lavanille]

Finally took the plunge (aw, for the second time this year) and changed my name from Olivejuice_Icon to something that means a lot to my husband and I- lavanille. Vanille is the scent he's bought me for my birthday every year since we've been together. I wore it when I got engaged, married, & on our honeymoon

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[lavanille]

I've talked about Julie a few times, but haven't in a few years. Just to sort of let you in on the importance of it all-

Julie was my best friend in my first years in High School (probably would have stayed forever my friend if she hadn't died) and when she died in a car accident right before our Junior year started I was devastated. I grew up with death being a part of my life. I lost both my grandparents on my father's side, and their deaths sort of "opened" my eyes. Then a girl at my elementary school died when I was like 11 or 12, and that was the first time I realized that it wasn't just the old that died. Anyway, back to it. I had for the most part dealt with grief in an OK manner, but when Julie died (her father did as well) I sort of lost it. I didn't know how to deal. The guy who caused the accident was a classmate (a year older) and surprise surprise, I ended up being in one of my favorite classes with him. Luckily the teacher understood and switched me out. The first months were hard. I didn't eat or sleep, and I sort of became destructive. I drank a lot, and ended up seeing a therapist real fast. Luckily I was knocked some sense into, and realized how lucky I was to be the one alive. Around Christmas I realized how much time had passed without me really coming to terms with her death. I heard through the grapevine that the boy who had caused her death was having a tough time, and that sort of broke my heart. I was healing, but he wasn't. So I did the "brave" thing and went to him on the last day before Christmas Break and just sort of spoke to him. I asked him how he was. Was he getting better, what exactly happened that day in September, and then I told him that it truly wasn't his fault. That things happen that are out of our control. He told me everything I wanted to know and more. He apparently thought everyone hated him, and that he believed I was at some point going to just blow up in his face. He asked for forgiveness (which totally threw me) and told him he didn't need it, but if wanted it, he had it already. I hugged him and from then on, things became a bit normal. We never really spoke after that day. Only a hello or a few words in passing (we worked in theater, but not necessarily together). Olivejuice_Icon sort of birthed from this whole experience which I believe made me the person I am today. I grew up well beyond my years from this entire event and I sort of saw the name as an ode to her changing me.

Vanille is the name of the perfume he bought me. Since that name was taken, LaVanille happened...because of LaVictoria enchilada sauce. LOL! No joke. My family calls me La Victoria every once in a while.

Sorry for the long ass comment. I just didn't want you to think I was making myself endlessly depressed. Sorry if it depressed you though (the story). It is a sad one, but it's mine.

[katje0711]

That's a very touching story. I think it's wonderful you were able to go speak with the guy. You probably helped him heal. {{HUGS}}

[lavanille]

I think I may have been a small part. I do know he went on to become a firefighter & got married. I find myself thinking about him during September a lot, along with Julie's family. :)

Thank you so much dear.