Lamentations
It's funny how one is different online than in person, even when their personalities don't change a bit. Among my offline friends, I'm known for being the strong-willed, emotionally stable, witty, charming, yet somewhat cynical person I am. Even though, at times, I'm rather bitchy, and I tend to go off on a tangent about things that bother me, my friends love me for who I am. I'm also the most cultured one among my friends. I'm usually the one pulling off all the obscure jokes, the twisted sense of humour, the references that only myself and one other person in the world gets. And I'm also the most worldly one. Intelligent, down-to-earth, laid-back, yet determined. Among my friends, I feel not just accepted, but like my existence there counts for something. Like I can make a positive difference to the lives of those people.
On Wonderland, it's a different story. I'm accepted, and a lot of people consider me their friend there. However, I'm awkward. I feel like a layman. I don't get anything. Everyone else on Wonderland seems so much more cultured and worldly than I am. I look at my talents and my positive traits, and I see so few. The only knowledge I ever really feel comfortable about giving is music. I don't understand concepts like engineering or electronics or programming or gaming. I feel like a n00b. I try to be helpful to people, nice to my friends, and I see them living their lives with a clearer direction in life than mine. Kristin is devoted to her studies and wishes to go to the best college she can possibly get into, Ryuu is very intelligent, Josh is extremely talented with mechanical things, and Jason is a better guitarist and more comforting person than I could ever hope to be. I look at myself on Wonderland and think "that lauscho guy, he's really nothing special, is he?". Even though I have one of the top ten post counts there, I still feel like a background character who doesn't fit in. I don't feel the same way there that I do with my friends offline. I am nothing to Wonderland, really.
I sometimes wish I had never found the place. But then I think of the people there that have made me happy. Leslie, Starra, Clinton, Ryuu... and ESPECIALLY Kristin. And the other people there who have completely accepted me for who I am, like Josh, Tony, Benny... but for some reason, I feel lacking. I lack the social and academic intelligence to belong there.
I don't know what to do right now. ._.
On Wonderland, it's a different story. I'm accepted, and a lot of people consider me their friend there. However, I'm awkward. I feel like a layman. I don't get anything. Everyone else on Wonderland seems so much more cultured and worldly than I am. I look at my talents and my positive traits, and I see so few. The only knowledge I ever really feel comfortable about giving is music. I don't understand concepts like engineering or electronics or programming or gaming. I feel like a n00b. I try to be helpful to people, nice to my friends, and I see them living their lives with a clearer direction in life than mine. Kristin is devoted to her studies and wishes to go to the best college she can possibly get into, Ryuu is very intelligent, Josh is extremely talented with mechanical things, and Jason is a better guitarist and more comforting person than I could ever hope to be. I look at myself on Wonderland and think "that lauscho guy, he's really nothing special, is he?". Even though I have one of the top ten post counts there, I still feel like a background character who doesn't fit in. I don't feel the same way there that I do with my friends offline. I am nothing to Wonderland, really.
I sometimes wish I had never found the place. But then I think of the people there that have made me happy. Leslie, Starra, Clinton, Ryuu... and ESPECIALLY Kristin. And the other people there who have completely accepted me for who I am, like Josh, Tony, Benny... but for some reason, I feel lacking. I lack the social and academic intelligence to belong there.
I don't know what to do right now. ._.