(no subject)
It can often seem as though nothing changes. Time goes by, second by second, day by day until you by chance perhaps, cast a glance over three months or six, perhaps a year or two and realise that everything has changed. Nothing ever really stays the same.
When I first moved to Scotland I was scared of the place I found myself in, and my mum reminded me that through time, things would change. Unfortunately I was crying at this point and said something to the effect that I didn't feel it would. When did feelings ever change anything, really? By grace I find myself in moments, usually when sitting in a room of friends I sometimes consider new family and I remember what my mum said. She was right. In many cases I am grateful for change, but in all honesty - sometimes I really don't like it.
I have learnt many things over the past three months that I perhaps wouldn't have, or would have taken much longer to, had I not done this whole move country thing. Change has been one of the biggest challenges, but through it all I have grown to become more expectant rather than fearful. Learning how His perfect love casts out all fear leads me to a hopeful expectancy of His goodness. A thought struck me the other day, when I was having a pretty rubbish week and I realised that I was waiting for something bad to happen. Even worse than what had already happened. And you know what I thought? why not wait for something good to happen? Why should bad stuff chase us as opposed to good, if we are living in the light? I was reminded of Psalm 23 where it says "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life".
Hello. I am chased by goodness and mercy.
That means I expect good things to happen.
What I really was processing these few days was change. I've had a few good conversations from wonderful friends who have helped me to see a bit more clearly. There has been a lot of change in the past 12 months or so- from university, to South East Asia, then straight on to Mozambique and then Scotland. I have been so hard on myself when so much has happened within that short time period. My heart is very much in Asia (and I don't know how or why), and then Harvest School completely wrecked my life. Really, I didn't think how much it would tear down so much of what I knew and set this crazily high, intense supernatural standard (by this I don't mean something I have to attain, but a standard by which without, the world seems dull) and before having time to think or even ask a question, the yes is out there and I'm on a ferry to Scotland.
(Sorry of this is super boring...processing here).
I'm learning that love is always a choice, that where there is love there can be no control. I am not controlled by my Father. I am in a relationship with Him, and that is a very different experience. I don't quite know what that looks like for this current situation. But I feel that something big is going to happen and I have to be here for it.
Who knows. He knows, and it's only the beginning.
When I first moved to Scotland I was scared of the place I found myself in, and my mum reminded me that through time, things would change. Unfortunately I was crying at this point and said something to the effect that I didn't feel it would. When did feelings ever change anything, really? By grace I find myself in moments, usually when sitting in a room of friends I sometimes consider new family and I remember what my mum said. She was right. In many cases I am grateful for change, but in all honesty - sometimes I really don't like it.
I have learnt many things over the past three months that I perhaps wouldn't have, or would have taken much longer to, had I not done this whole move country thing. Change has been one of the biggest challenges, but through it all I have grown to become more expectant rather than fearful. Learning how His perfect love casts out all fear leads me to a hopeful expectancy of His goodness. A thought struck me the other day, when I was having a pretty rubbish week and I realised that I was waiting for something bad to happen. Even worse than what had already happened. And you know what I thought? why not wait for something good to happen? Why should bad stuff chase us as opposed to good, if we are living in the light? I was reminded of Psalm 23 where it says "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life".
Hello. I am chased by goodness and mercy.
That means I expect good things to happen.
What I really was processing these few days was change. I've had a few good conversations from wonderful friends who have helped me to see a bit more clearly. There has been a lot of change in the past 12 months or so- from university, to South East Asia, then straight on to Mozambique and then Scotland. I have been so hard on myself when so much has happened within that short time period. My heart is very much in Asia (and I don't know how or why), and then Harvest School completely wrecked my life. Really, I didn't think how much it would tear down so much of what I knew and set this crazily high, intense supernatural standard (by this I don't mean something I have to attain, but a standard by which without, the world seems dull) and before having time to think or even ask a question, the yes is out there and I'm on a ferry to Scotland.
(Sorry of this is super boring...processing here).
I'm learning that love is always a choice, that where there is love there can be no control. I am not controlled by my Father. I am in a relationship with Him, and that is a very different experience. I don't quite know what that looks like for this current situation. But I feel that something big is going to happen and I have to be here for it.
Who knows. He knows, and it's only the beginning.