(no subject)
everything about today felt so... planned. it was the weirdest feeling. all day long. i felt like everything that happened was careful mapped out somewhere, it was really odd. i started the day off running around the lake and it seemed like everyone was smiling at me, nodding, like "there she goes". it was just bizzare. i came back home, made some food and went to work. this girl i work with at the pool turns out to be good friends with one of my hometown friends and it turned out to be a small world. elizabeth (that's her name) and i agreed to run a triathalon in june together, and that was exciting. after i got off work, i drove downtown to go surprise james at his work, and ended up parking a zillion miles away, meaning i'd have to walk alone in the dark. for the first time ever i wasn't afraid to walk alone downtown. i felt more in control, like i owned the situation. it felt great, but different. before tonight i would've never walked down the streets that far that late. so i see james, walk back and drive home. since i left my phone at home, i was surprised to see i had eight missed calls, from friends i hadn't talked to in weeks. it felt great to know people were thinking about me. so it was a good day, all in all, but maybe my outlook is just changing, something i've been trying to change for the last couple of years. but now, it's different, it's more accesiable and i'm so excited. i feel like i own all these situations, like i'm in control, instead of things happening to me, i kinda control all of that. i don't know, weird thoughts, just writing them down. i guess maybe it comes from this running thing. like i'm actually doing this this time, rather than half-ass doing it and talking about it. it's getting done. everything's working out fine. i've got three great jobs, and maybe i'm finally growing up... gulp!