i think i'm gonna break down soon...
i wanna cry right now... why do i always get dragged into things that aren't my problem... i'm the most stressed person because of it and it's not healthy... that and the fact that choir today seemed so long... i hate sitting around people who are in concert choir who are definately not as musically trained/talented as me, not to sound conceited because it's not.. it's truth... tommy's going to chicago tomorrow so i won't see him :( and he's the only person, plus marissa!, that makes me happy. marissa's gonna come back from a play for the second half of english so i'll get to see her for like 40 minutes and tommy's not getting home till 6:30...
i feel like i'm losing everything right now... the only thing that's pushing through is my self-esteem, but if i don't make all-state choir i'll lose it too... i so badly need a break, just to get away... my school sucks, my friends aren't helping (besides a couple who know who they are)... it's my friends that stress me out, that's not right.. for a while it was tommy, but i talked to him about it and now it's better, but talking to my friends about stuff only makes it worse...
you know those drug commercials that are like, you'll never forget those you hurt when you were high... well i kinda feel like that right now, i'm really hurt right now and i wish this person would realize that what they are doing is hurting a friend that trusted them completely... it's not that the trust is lost, but the respect is... and if that person can't respect themself, how can they respect me or how can i respect them? that's important in a friendship and i hate to see them ruin their life...
i miss grandma.. i want her here to make me feel better... why did God have to take her when things are getting hard enough... everytime im upset, i think of how badly i wish she was here because she always made me feel like i was the cream of the crop... i needed that because she was the only one that could really convince me that i was better than what i thought i was... if she was here, she would tell me that im a great singer and that they made a mistake not putting me in concert choir, but she's not.. and i can only imagine her saying that.. i can only imagine her saying that i shouldn't worry about everything because most of it is not worth worrying about... she had a way of making me feel better by what she said while everyone else couldn't...
well it's sunny outside and i'm gonna go out there for a little bit.. it's cold, but im hoping being outside in the sun for once will make me feel a little better
i feel like i'm losing everything right now... the only thing that's pushing through is my self-esteem, but if i don't make all-state choir i'll lose it too... i so badly need a break, just to get away... my school sucks, my friends aren't helping (besides a couple who know who they are)... it's my friends that stress me out, that's not right.. for a while it was tommy, but i talked to him about it and now it's better, but talking to my friends about stuff only makes it worse...
you know those drug commercials that are like, you'll never forget those you hurt when you were high... well i kinda feel like that right now, i'm really hurt right now and i wish this person would realize that what they are doing is hurting a friend that trusted them completely... it's not that the trust is lost, but the respect is... and if that person can't respect themself, how can they respect me or how can i respect them? that's important in a friendship and i hate to see them ruin their life...
i miss grandma.. i want her here to make me feel better... why did God have to take her when things are getting hard enough... everytime im upset, i think of how badly i wish she was here because she always made me feel like i was the cream of the crop... i needed that because she was the only one that could really convince me that i was better than what i thought i was... if she was here, she would tell me that im a great singer and that they made a mistake not putting me in concert choir, but she's not.. and i can only imagine her saying that.. i can only imagine her saying that i shouldn't worry about everything because most of it is not worth worrying about... she had a way of making me feel better by what she said while everyone else couldn't...
well it's sunny outside and i'm gonna go out there for a little bit.. it's cold, but im hoping being outside in the sun for once will make me feel a little better