damn it!!!

[laurnenburke]

i feel like crawling in a hole and dieing right now... i didn't make concert choir and all my friends did cept for katie and becca... i wanted that so bad and the damn choir directors didn't even have try-outs or anything, damn penn.. it's so political, it's all about how much you donate to the program and who your parents are... now i can't be in the choir that i really wanna be in with all my friends... i just wanna quit like i do with everything else... like i did with gymnastics, ballet, softball, ice skating, and soccer... i probably would, but i don't want to be a quiter and i know that my grandma loves watching me sing, even if i don't see her, i know she's there at my concerts... it sounds stupid when i talk about it now, but i wanted it so badly.. to be in that choir.. it was my goal last year and this year and now i feel like i've failed, like i can't live up to my goals.. after they told us who was in each choir, becca was like, well now we know who's going to make chamber choir... i'm not even going to try out because they won't pick me, and at that moment i hated choir, i hated penn, i hated everything around me, i hated my life... how can the holoways do that and not feel bad.. being so damn political.. they have to know it's wrong.. or they have no conscience... this brought my self-esteem down so low... i hate this!!!!!!!

now i can't even concentrate on my homework that really needs to get done.. my chemistry that's so freaking hard because my minds in the wrong place... well im gonna go write some bullshit for my lab summary for chemistry since i don't understand a freaking thing about the lab... whatever, atleast if it's done and turned in it's off my mind and the grade i get is the grade i get...