so. i worry. and rant.

[lauristo]

yeah, so i'm worried about anna and dure. particularly anna. and i know i'm not the only one who's worried. i don't think posting anything here is going to change what they're doing to themselves. i'm well aware of that. but i'm worried. and i should have be doing something more constructive and school-orientated tonight. so instead i did some trawling.



When a person with anorexia looks into a mirror he/she does not often see an accurate reflection. A person with anorexia sees him/herself as fat, even if he/she is dangerously thin. This is a very frightening experience and feels very real- driving the person to diet.

Sometimes a person with anorexia can accept that he/she is very thin but cannot accept how dangerous the situation really is. It is difficult for him/her to understand that a very low weight and dangerous dieting habits can actually be fatal. The death rate for anorexia is higher than for any other psychiatric illness.

ANOREXIA NERVOSA

• Deliberate self-starvation with weight loss
• Intense, persistent fear of gaining weight
• Refusal to eat or highly restrictive eating
• Continuous dieting
• Excessive facial/body hair because of inadequate protein in the diet
• Compulsive exercise
• Abnormal weight loss
• Sensitive to cold
• Absent or irregular menstruation
• Hair loss

BULIMIA NERVOSA

• Preoccupation with food
• Binge eating, usually in secret
• Vomiting after bingeing
• Abuse of laxatives, diuretics, diet pills
• Denial of hunger or drugs to induce vomiting
• Compulsive exercise
• Swollen salivary glands
• Broken blood vessels in the eyes

PHYSICAL REPERCUSSIONS FROM ONE OR BOTH DISEASES

• Malnutrition 
• Dehydration
• Ruptured stomach
• Serious heart, kidney, and liver damage
• Tooth/gum erosion
• Tears of the esophagus

-Decreased potassium levels may result in life threatening cardiac arrhythmias or arrest
-Electrolyte imbalances may lead to life threatening cardiac arrhythmias or arrest

Esophagus:

-Painful burning in throat or chest
-May vomit blood from small tear(s) in esophagus
-Rupture of the esophagus, may lead to circulatory collapse and death

- Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders

• What are pro-ana websites? Why do people visit them?

These sites provide a bizarre and mutually destructive support network for people who have anorexia nervosa and bulimia. Regular visitors to pro-ana sites offer each other unconditional approval and understanding. They also swap starvation diet tips and advice on how to hide their disorders from family and friends. Pictures of emaciated celebrities, and even themselves, are posted, together with envious comments and delight in their wasted appearance.

Pro-ana people (there are pro-mia people too, those who believe that bulimia is to be celebrated, not recovered from) insist they do not need to recover or be "fixed," that being emaciated is a lifestyle choice, not a mental illness, that being unhappy and miserable is just fine as long as one is thin, thinner, thinnest. Some maintain that being emaciated is healthy, much more so than being fat. Sever underweight is, of course, never healthy.

People with anorexia have always been noted for their defiance, and now the Internet has given them a way to easily band together. They seek one another out for consolation and acceptance, and to escape pleas for healthier behaviors from concerned family members and friends. They reinforce each other's denial and learn to compensate for what, deep down, they know is a deeply flawed way of being in the world. It's as if they have given up trying to make a place for themselves in the world of normal, healthy people and have settled for membership in a society of the defiantly self-deluded and self-destructive.

- Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders

and this pro-ana stuff.......i used to find it fascinating, if obviously sick. but i think it's starting to terrify me.



The "Safe"

Fruit-2-0-plus
This little gem is an Ana's best friend.  Flavored water with vitamins added -- 25%-50% of your A, C, and most of the B vitamins -- with zero calories, zero grams of fat, and zero carbohydrates!  Three flavors available:  Citrus Boost, Tropical Immunity, and Berry Relaxing.  Perk up your fasting days with these babies!

Diet V-8 Splash
With merely 10 calories and 3g carb in an 8-ounce serving, this tasty alternative offers 100% US RDA of Vitamin C and 130% US RDA of Vitamin A. A fabulous fasting friend and useful addition to the Fruit-2-0-plus boost!

Low-sodium broth
Chicken or beef, choose a variety which is 98-100% fat free and low in sodium to help stave off those hunger pangs. Tastes satisfying like soup or a meaty entree, yet only 10 calories per serving. The hot liquid fools your tummy into feeling full, and you get 2g of extra protein to help boost your energy level.

wow. a whole 2g of extra protein. shit. that's some heavy stuff man.

Nothing. Nothing is wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You're strong, don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you.

now you're sounding like a schizophrenic. wait, i forgot, it's a mental disorder. that's okay then.

How many pounds till I am happy,
how many pounds till I get thin?
Three more pounds till I am skinny,
three more pounds and I win!

i know i'm going to remember that one.

and i liked this:

Average woman
 Barbie
  Store mannequin  Height
 5' 4"
 6' 0"
 6' 0"  Weight
 145 lbs.
 101 lbs
 Not available  Dress size
 11 -14
 4
 6  Bust
 36 - 37"
 39"
 34"  Waist
 29 - 31"
 19"
 23"  Hips
 40 - 42"
 33"
 34"



Contrary to popular misconception, volitional anorectics possess the most iron-cored, indomitable wills of all. Our way is not that of the weak. Self-control has never been the way of the weak. To deliberately direct one's course of action apart from the impulses of raw instinct and desire requires discipline, inner strength, persistence, and focus. Make no mistake about it: anorectics have appetites and survival instincts just like everyone else. Biologically all human beings are hard-wired not only to put food in our mouths but to enjoy and seek the experience repeatedly as well. The difference with volitional anorectics is that we choose to say "no" to these impulses, or choose to say "OK, but only these foods, and only this amount."

A Power to be Reckoned With

If we ever completely tapped that potential in our midst, and applied it to other areas outside eating habits and body sculpting, the fact is, we could change the world. Completely.

Maybe even rule it.

Is THAT what they are so afraid of? Is THAT why they strive so eagerly to silence our voices? Could it really be all about power, and the way our lifestyle exposes where it corrupts? Could it simply be that those who wield their pathetic little naked-emperor reign so irresponsibly and selfishly do NOT want word getting out to "the masses" of how simple a matter it is to throw off their chains and exist self-directed? Do they fear we will then realize what they are really up to, what they have been doing all this time in myriad of diverse ways upon a multitude of levels?

Well it's too late. Our eyes are open. The jig is up, the news is out, and IT is ON.

okay, fine, maybe we all just fear that you're so 'powerful'. that you could 'change the world' with your 'willpower'. except that you're not.

do you see anorexics changing the world? are all our leaders anorexics? if anas could change whatever they wished through willpower and control, do they agree with war then? and poverty? and AIDS? because those things sure aren't being changed. and if you have 'the power' to control the world and therefore change these things, then if you aren't, you must agree with them. 'the only thing that is needed for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.'

or do you think people with AIDS and those who live in poverty and those getting bombed every day are CHOOSING to do so, in the same way you choose to degrade your bodies? are you not changing things because you 'respect their choices' like we should respect your "self-control" in doing what you do?

bullshit.

you're not changing the world because you're too wrapped up in yourselves. that's why the world isn't being changed by you, and won't be. because you're too busy looking into your navels in what's left of your stomachs. and no one's trying to 'silence your voices'. crap. people are trying to help you, people who may not have the 'iron will', but who are instead human. people who actually CARE what happens to people other than them, namely, the people who are starving themselves to death, on purpose. let alone the fact that it's the ultimate in luxury to 'choose' not to eat. you have that CHOICE. if you're going to make that choice, at least acknowledge that others DON'T. people are starving to death every minute, who don't have a choice about it, including those who are too young to even know that such a choice exists.

Likewise, as a pro-ana you can use your experiences of being

• misunderstood
• demonized
• censored
• marginalized
• invalidated
• criminalized

to launch a new awareness of yourself and those around you, of life in this world and your place within the larger society to foster understanding and effect change.

once again, such bullshit. how can you be so presumptuous to assume you've ever been such things, on the basis of something you choose to do. how about trying out those feelings based on something you can't make a high-and-mighty spiritual decision about? like skin colour, ethnicity, social group, gender? maybe if you did actually care about 'helping society' or 'fostering understanding', rather than just trying to make people accept that you're choosing to destroy yourselves and not blink at it, then something positive might come of all this crap. in the meantime, which i think will be a long time due to the nature of your 'decisions' and 'self-will', enjoy the pain which you're bringing on your loved ones. that is, if you have anyone you really connect with any more. but wait, that would take less selfishness, wouldn't it?

go out your front door and try to actually make a positive difference in this world, for someone who's not yourself. then talk about it.

sorry.......this turned from me being worried because i was relating anna to symptoms of anorexia, to me getting on my soap box. i am sorry about that. but really......*breathes* i do understand that this is going to achieve just about nothing. but sometimes i do just need to let things out. or that's my explanation.

i'll say no more about it, probably....i'll try to be realistic and not rant, anyway. in the meantime i love you anna, and everyone else, all my friends, you're great. thankyou. thanks for helping me hopefully not end up like some of these people, however intolerant that might sound.

love to m, r, k, j

g'night, s.