burn in hell 2004
I was sitting here reading a couple of my old entries from the beginning of the year. Its weird it didnt even sound like me. Im actually ashamed of who i was. I grew up a lot and learned a lot more about myself..yes it is possible to learn about yourself and change for the better without going to younglife :) Well anyways in the old entries i talked about those friends that i "loved so much." God i was so dumb. Those friends..the ones that lied and backstabbed me a million times..hooking up with every guy i liked saying it was a "drunken mistake." Yeah..those sophisticated ones. I'm glad im over them. Then i got to the point where i had one really good friend that i thought was the real thing. A REAL friend. I thought i could get through anything no matter what if i had her there too. Then everything went downhill. Another "mistake" happened. At that point i was tired of hearing "lauren it was a mistake." Because i think that whatever happens is just meant to happen. And it happened. Then my best friend replaced me with god and dedicated her life to Him when i needed her the most. Congratulations. I hope your happy (not being sarcastic so dont blow up on me..its over) Personally i think im gonna live for myself and do whatever i think is right. I dont need you or anyone to tell me what to follow. Anyways..after everything i've gone through..im down to a couple people that i know are there for me. I used to think i had so much more. Last night when the ball was dropping i was thinking about the New Year before that. I thought i had it all. The best friends..that i didnt think would hurt me so bad. I didnt know what was planned out for me ahead. I had my heart ripped out and stomped on a couple times. Then i thought.. i wouldnt have what i have now if all of this hadn't happened. Then i thought about now. I was staring at ross and thinking about what i do have. I have something great. But other then that i wasnt too happy with the results. I dont want to sound selfish because i know i do have a lot more then what some people have. I guess im just scared to lose it..
Anyways..goodbye 2004..hopefully 2005 is a little better.
Leave me something good :)