(no subject)
I havent updated this thing in a while. I never know what to put cuz theres usually just one thing on my mind. I've realized that whenever i get invited to hang out with a bunch of people..i just automatically say no..just because i only wanna be with one or two people that im really close to and that i know i can talk to. I think from this past month or two, i have learned a lot about myself that i never knew. I defintily have a lot more hate in me that i wish i didnt. I never knew that i could be in a great mood, then just look at one simple thing and start crying because i was so hurt. I hate the fact that i cant go through a couple days without crying. I hate worrying all the time about something that happened that i dont know of. It also kind of sucks that you realized how much i meant to you through all of this. Why couldnt it have been something different that made you realize? Like something that made me realize how much you mean to me. I know all of this could make our relationship better in the long run because we are managing to get through this now but i'd do anything to not go through it again. I feel like all the time before this whole thing happened, was a total waste because i dont think i meant so much to you. I obviously didnt. But i "mean so much to you now." You meant a lot to me the whole way through and now that we're closer and "stronger"..i'm always depressed. I cant help but be worried about whats going to happen later on because this is all so familiar and i've seen it happen. Maybe your different..but this is like a replay. And the last time i saw this happen..the end didnt turn out too good.
-leave me some..i think i need it-