John Markham
I have been needing to write a little lately, but I think my energies have been exhausted. I think the exhaustion is bordering on depression. I have laundry that needs doing, and papers that need sorting, but I just can't do it. I know that I should be thrilled since all my major projects for the year are done (concerts and musicals and such) and now I just coast to the end of the year. I am excited about summer, seeing friends, and I am so excited about Becky and Christopher's wedding next Friday. I just can't believe it's here.
Ok, so I did mention some good things, but here it goes.
I have been in a funk for several days. The last I remember feeling happy was at Becky's bachelorette party on Saturday. I had a blast. But, the next day I found out that one of my favorite uncles, one that I have always been closest too (my mom's baby brother) was found dead. I was shocked and devastated. When I asked my mom what happened, she said they didn't know anything yet, and that there had to be an investigation and an autopsy. Well, now that I think back, I think she knew all along and just didn't want to tell me.
I spoke with my cousin Brian and I made him tell me what was up. He told me that my uncle had hung himself at a hotel in Edmonton. I know that I am a grown-up, and I can speak and write these words, but I am so haunted. I have been walking around in a cloud ever since. Luckily I have good friends who keep calling and checking on me, but it has been a horrible couple of days, and I have felt very alone.
My mom is in Edmonton now helping with the arrangements, and I just feel so terrible for her. She is the oldest of 10, and she has always doted on Johnny. I just can't believe he's gone. The only comfort I have is that, however tormented he was in life, maybe now he can have the peace he felt he needed. They are going to have another memorial for him in Windsor, so I will be heading up in June. My mom doens't know that I know how Johnny died, and for her peace of mind, I will let her continue thinking I don't know. What a loss. What a beautiful person lost. I miss him so much already.
Ok, I also need to make a list of the other things that are bothering me so that maybe in writing them I can cast them off one at a time:
-I am having car trouble... $$$
-A centipede stung me IN MY BED on Sunday night
-I hate money, and money hates me
-I think my principal hates me, or at least it seems that everything I do lately is wrong...
-Some little old lady was bitching at me after my last concert saying the words to the Motown Medley were inappropriate for Middle School... "Sugar-pie Honey Bunch"?! Seriously?! Well, she will really enjoy the kids dancing to "Diva" at Friday's talent show then... and I had nothing to do with that one...
-I'm sick of some of the kids I teach, and I need them to leave me alone
I know there's other stuff, but that's enough for now.
Ok, so I did mention some good things, but here it goes.
I have been in a funk for several days. The last I remember feeling happy was at Becky's bachelorette party on Saturday. I had a blast. But, the next day I found out that one of my favorite uncles, one that I have always been closest too (my mom's baby brother) was found dead. I was shocked and devastated. When I asked my mom what happened, she said they didn't know anything yet, and that there had to be an investigation and an autopsy. Well, now that I think back, I think she knew all along and just didn't want to tell me.
I spoke with my cousin Brian and I made him tell me what was up. He told me that my uncle had hung himself at a hotel in Edmonton. I know that I am a grown-up, and I can speak and write these words, but I am so haunted. I have been walking around in a cloud ever since. Luckily I have good friends who keep calling and checking on me, but it has been a horrible couple of days, and I have felt very alone.
My mom is in Edmonton now helping with the arrangements, and I just feel so terrible for her. She is the oldest of 10, and she has always doted on Johnny. I just can't believe he's gone. The only comfort I have is that, however tormented he was in life, maybe now he can have the peace he felt he needed. They are going to have another memorial for him in Windsor, so I will be heading up in June. My mom doens't know that I know how Johnny died, and for her peace of mind, I will let her continue thinking I don't know. What a loss. What a beautiful person lost. I miss him so much already.
Ok, I also need to make a list of the other things that are bothering me so that maybe in writing them I can cast them off one at a time:
-I am having car trouble... $$$
-A centipede stung me IN MY BED on Sunday night
-I hate money, and money hates me
-I think my principal hates me, or at least it seems that everything I do lately is wrong...
-Some little old lady was bitching at me after my last concert saying the words to the Motown Medley were inappropriate for Middle School... "Sugar-pie Honey Bunch"?! Seriously?! Well, she will really enjoy the kids dancing to "Diva" at Friday's talent show then... and I had nothing to do with that one...
-I'm sick of some of the kids I teach, and I need them to leave me alone
I know there's other stuff, but that's enough for now.