'You mean you're not interested in marrying a guy you met a month ago in a bar? Well why not?'
Oh man, today was straight out of the twighlight zone awkward and weird.
First I go to work, 5:30 am, bright and early to find a dog sleeping outside the store doors. This is rather unusual. What was more unusual was that the dog refused to get up from in front of the store door like it was guarding something. It growled and everything. Vincent had to try and feed it his ham sandwich and guide it away while quickly opened the doors. It barked at us for a good five minutes after we got in. It was gone by the time we opened... but this just isn't normal.
Next came the muffin man. Yes, do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man? The one on Drury lane? Well, this man came in and bought every single muffin in the store. He spent 50 dollars on muffins. This was at 7 in the morning. The he decided that wasn't enough and bought some loaves as well. Not pieces of loaves, but two whole ones. I asked if he was throwing and emergency party... he was like 'No... why?' I guess buying 60 dollars worth of Starbucks pastries isn't weird?
Then there was the frozen germaphobe. This woman came in wearing plastic gloves and a zipped up fleece and vest. She ordered her drink and asked if she could have a clean cup because she could see syrup on the outside of the ones by the bar. I grabbed one from by the tills she said she thought those were dirty too, 'new cup please'. K fine, new cup. I got a bran new sleeve of cups, she was ok with my hands touching them and the ridiculous amount of germyness at our bar apparently. But then she tried to use our bathrooms. 'Excuse me, may I please speak to your manager?' 'I'm the manager on duty.' Well your bathrooms are just filthy, you'll have to clean them right away, people are such animals leaving them like that.' This was at seven thirty in the morning and as far as I could tell...the bathrooms were squeaky clean. I did a quick clean up. Then 'How do you turn the fireplace on, it's awfully cold lately you know.' Umm... lady... it's august. How do you survive the winter?
Next came the trip to the bank. I went to put in the deposit at the bank next to my sbux. When I arrived there was a 6'3, maybe 300 pound guy standing in the commercial teller line wearing an amazingly short skirt, that I know a lot of girls couldn't even pull off, leggings up to his mid thighs and a extremely tight shirt with intentional holes down the arms. He also had a small Paris Hilton type dog in his arms. Usually I’d think it was strange but hey, to each his own. Today, I was just getting freaked out. It was just too much. My first thought was 'Someone has totally been filming me all day to see how I react to this stuff haven't they. I hope so.'
Upon returning to work I found a new strange situation withing the first ten minutes of me arriving. There was the man who just thought he'd say fuck it to the bylaws and try to come smoke inside Starbucks. ‘It’s a free country isn’t it?’ Try explaining laws and the definition of a ‘free country’ in the most diplomatic way to a man who just ashed out on your floor. That was fun.
To top it all off when I got home my 50+ neighbour was outside in her booty shorts with a fro comb straight up in the air holding back her bangs sweeping the middle of the road. Yes Laur, she did it again.
Did someone poison the air today?