Oct 03, 2006 03:45
once again it's the wee hours of the morning and i can't sleep. i have way too much on my mind as usual. but i can't think of anything to write. i can't believe it is already october.
SCHOOL- a month of school has went by and already i am barely there. i'm a winner, i know. i plan to leave massasoit when the semester ends then go to hairdressing school. i know i have plenty of people betting against me lasting more than 30 days there. i don't blame anyone for that. sticking with things has never been my forte. i've wanted to do hair for a while. let's hope it's something i do stick with because otherwise i am lost in that area.
JAWBZ- i now currently have two jobs. my usual one at shaw's doing the floral stuff and now working in the warehouse at the patriots proshop. that job looks ok. i doubt ill last there over 42 days. i have to keep reminding myself that i need money and that no job is gonna be awesome.
FRIENDS- my friends status is pretty sweet right now. i have a very solid group of pals and i am really grateful for it. i am also grateful for my old friends that i still have. they were my first true friends and i will never forget that. unfortunately, not everyone is who they seem as i have recently learned. betrayal is a mother fucker especially if it's by someone who i thought/considered almost family. although lately we hadn't been as close since we were both busy/lived in different towns/had small issues it still didn't change my core love for him. i don't know what to do because i really can't imagine my life without him, no matter what form he was in it, but it's hard to want to be friends with someone who did something so hurtful and confusing to you. the whole situation is devestating and heartbreaking and a giant "shrug" to me because i don't get it at all. i did something slightly lame back to him because i was so shocked and angry and i apologize for that, but it in no way comes close to what he did to me. at least i can be a bigger person and admit my wrong doings. i learned of other shady things that went on with him as well, but whatever, i hope at least he sleeps at night. with the good and the bad, i'll always love the kid as my once friend, and i'll think of him with a smile on my face.
BOYS- i haven't really been in a relationship since breaking it off in may. soon after, i found myself in a "relationship" that happened too quick and resulted in being fucked over, taken advantage of, and of course, confused. obviously im a big girl and can choose who to be involved with, but he was just too fucked up to deal with his own self and emotions, let alone someone elses. i for sure don't regret him at all because i learned from it, but he did take one thing from me that is most important and that was my being able to express my feelings to someone and open up no questions asked. i used to be so bold with my feelings towards people, no matter the results. i didn't care if i thought someone didn't like me back. i'd still tell them because i thought whats the point of having feelings for someone went you don't express it? life is too short to keep them in. now, i am a bit more resistant and weary of that because it lead to me being hurt. it sucks because some people are too shy and won't say they like you, and i used to be the outgoing one who told all my stuff, but now im the shy one. oh well. ill get over it eventually, i'm sure.
HOME- home life is decent. it has definitely gotten better as i aged. although, i am looking forward to moving out within the next year or so. my dog is amazing and she is what i look forward to most about coming home. she is crazy and i am glad for that. but she nibblz like a muthafuckaahh.
well, im sure all the zero people who read this won't enjoy it because of it's length but you can all suck it.
OH YEAH PS. JEFF HARDY WON INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP TONIGHT :)
EDIT: i have been so much happier and more positive without that person in my life. i didn't realize what a negative impact he had on me, so im glad he's out of my life cause i feel muccch better without him :)